R
rxgxk91
Member
- Joined
- Aug 20, 2009
- Messages
- 13
I'm writing this because I've realised I finally need help. I've been what I suppose is called a Compulsive Liar since I was about 14, it started when I told a friend that I had a problem with my eyes - I didn't and I had no idea why I said it, but for some reason it didn't feel wrong to lie to them. Instead the lie spread and became bigger and I told a few close friends that I had this problem when I didnt. For a long time I did not feel like I was doing anything wrong and had no consience about it. I liked the extra attention, but this is beyond just attention seeking. I couldnt help myself from contuining it, until i got caught out and my group of friends close to me at school all rejected me - which was understandable. I've never been able to understand why I lie, maybe it was a habit I formed at the wrong time of growing up and it has just stuck with me and why I continue to do it, I'm aware that I'm lying but I do not feel the wrong but I do feel completely alone and empty when it is found out - tell myself that I must stop doing it but continue anyway. I've always had low self esteem and perhaps I've been lying to make myself sound more interesting and more vunerable to people, trying to make myself more attractive. I've told friends that I'm adopted, that I've had brain tumours, that I wanted to kill myself, that I was born in a foreign country for example, I don't feel bad when I say these things and don't know why I do. I hate myself for doing these things - I know they are all sick and wrong, but there must be something wrong with me to do this?
I'm 18 now and I still tell my girlfriend that I was born in a foreign country and adopted my current parents, I came out with this when I met her, I have no idea why I did and this is what scares me. I feel no connection to my parents at all, as if they are not my parents but as far as I am aware I am not adopted and share features with both my parents. It's not a delusion I suppose because I'm aware that I'm lying but feel like I have no control.
After researching Schizophrenia one time online when I was about 15, I must have decided that I could use the idea of having this mental health problem to make up for all the other lying I had done - to cover it up, which I know is wrong now and I hate myself for it. I've never really shown any symptoms of Skitzophrenia apart from thought disorder. I've never had problems at school or college or anything like that. But convinced myself, somehow that I did have it and I suppose to some extent - believe it.
I suppose I'm scared of the lack of control I have over myself, I hate that I lie to people close to me.. I wish I didn't do it. I have an obsessive nature so I suppose this does help. I'm scared that there is nothing wrong with me and I'm just a sick excuse for a human being. I hope so much that there is something wrong with me, but what do I do to find out.
I have done some research into what could be wrong with me (I know I need to be assessed professionally), I suppose I show signs of a personality disorder, particularly hisrionic and have characterists of pathological lying.
Rx
I'm 18 now and I still tell my girlfriend that I was born in a foreign country and adopted my current parents, I came out with this when I met her, I have no idea why I did and this is what scares me. I feel no connection to my parents at all, as if they are not my parents but as far as I am aware I am not adopted and share features with both my parents. It's not a delusion I suppose because I'm aware that I'm lying but feel like I have no control.
After researching Schizophrenia one time online when I was about 15, I must have decided that I could use the idea of having this mental health problem to make up for all the other lying I had done - to cover it up, which I know is wrong now and I hate myself for it. I've never really shown any symptoms of Skitzophrenia apart from thought disorder. I've never had problems at school or college or anything like that. But convinced myself, somehow that I did have it and I suppose to some extent - believe it.
I suppose I'm scared of the lack of control I have over myself, I hate that I lie to people close to me.. I wish I didn't do it. I have an obsessive nature so I suppose this does help. I'm scared that there is nothing wrong with me and I'm just a sick excuse for a human being. I hope so much that there is something wrong with me, but what do I do to find out.
I have done some research into what could be wrong with me (I know I need to be assessed professionally), I suppose I show signs of a personality disorder, particularly hisrionic and have characterists of pathological lying.
Rx
