What's wrong with me

J

jimbeam

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Joined
May 11, 2015
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1
I'm 19 years old and I've been through a lot of traumatic experiences throughout the years. I lost my girlfriend to suicide a couple of years ago which then threw me into a spiral of Depression. I spent 5 months in a mental health hospital and after my stay I got diagnosed with severe Depression. I've started to think a lot lately about the illness I may have and after speaking to people that have BPD I've come to realise I have all of the symptoms and I'm extremely worried, not to be disrespectful to those that have it. I cannot seem to hold relationships. I find it difficult to get close to people and my moods are so unstable I can't keep up. I'm constantly changing the way I view myself and I'm extremely paranoid and jealous, most of the time. I'm in a relationship now and I can't stop accusing my partner of cheating or being in love with other people, i can't stop thinking about it. I don't know what's happening to me. I've lost the motivation to do anything and I feel as if everyone is out to hurt me and it's affecting every aspect of my life. Please help me. I'm also drinking a hell of a lot lately and can't seem to cut down.
 
Kerome

Kerome

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Sep 29, 2013
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Hi Jimbeam and :welcome:

We can't diagnose anyone on here, only a qualified mental health professional can do that. But in the end something like BPD is just a label. Your own experience is the best description of the condition you have, so I wouldn't worry too much about having "BPD". Stopping yourself from worrying is just one aspect of not spinning out of control.

That doesn't mean that there is no reason to worry at all, of course. You do seem to be having issues with stability, motivation, paranoia and drink, which is not a good combination, and it kind of suggests you have lost touch with contentment, your goals, faith in people's compassion and fellowship, and that you are trying to compensate by self medicating. Maybe you should try and reconnect with those opposites of what you're feeling.

Either way it'd be a good idea to make an appointment with your GP and talk to him about your worries that your depression may be evolving into something worse.

Big hugs, hope you will enjoy the forum, there are lots of compassionate people here. :hug:
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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I really can't add much else to what Kerome already replied with, because he said pretty much what I was going to say.

But I just wanted to reply to welcome you to the forum and say i'm ever so sorry to hear about your loss. It clearly was very upsetting and traumatic for you, and it's really sad that you've had to go through that. :hug1:
 
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