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What's wrong with me?

R

roses_in_december

Member
Joined
Dec 18, 2009
Messages
10
So, I'm seeing a pyschiatrist next week. My GP thinks I'm bipolar. In truth, I'm terrified. My doctor has been using the phrase 'rapid cycling' because my 'highs' and 'lows' are short spaced. But they are still pretty intense. I left my boyfriend, quit my job and moved house all in the last two weeks, completely spontaneously. At the time it felt like the right thing to do, I had a plan. But now I'm even more alone. I'm very low at the moment, not sleeping, eating, harming again too :(

Two months ago I took an overdose of sleeping pills...the same thoughts that were with me then are back now.

But then last month I was buzzing. Exercising every day (somes two or three times a day) I applied to all these courses and jobs. I was going out loads. Still not sleeping but I had so much energy. And now I'm just lying in my new flat, lonely and tired and wondering what the hell is wrong with me. Even the fluoxetine isn't helping at the moment.

Does this sound like bipolar? I feel like I'm destined to be self destructive for ever. I just want to be stable and happy.

Thankyou for reading
 
angrydad

angrydad

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 2, 2010
Messages
117
Location
Lancashire
Yep

It sounds as if you are describing me there! I am bp1 but at this particular moment I have gone into a rapid phase so the swings, high and low, are quick like your episodes are.

No, you're not destined to be like this for ever. If you get help, involve yourself in your treatment and stay on it, you're likely to get much better.

Don't worry if there are set backs at first. I'm sure that most of the people on MHF will agree that medication is a bit trial and error to start with but once you find the right meds at the right level, you will be more stable. And, as far as I'm concerned, being stable is as much as you can hope for.

I hope you manage to work your way through this difficult time. We are always here to help support you. Post when you are down/high, you will always fine someone to give you some support.

Hope this helps
 
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R

roses_in_december

Member
Joined
Dec 18, 2009
Messages
10
Thankyou for your reply. It is comforting to know I'm not the only one that feels this way.

I'm even worse today than yesterday tho...if thats possible. I haven't slept or eaten in 3 days, all I can think about is how it would be easier if I wasn't here anymore. I know these are selfish and cowardly thoughts but its all I want to do right now
 
S

skyblue

Guest
Wishing you better Roses. I hope your PDoc can help you with some medication soon.

Look after yourself :flowers:
 
angrydad

angrydad

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 2, 2010
Messages
117
Location
Lancashire
I'm so sorry that you are feeling so low, I wish there was something I could do to help other than offer my support through the forum.

I know it might not look like it now but things will improve. Two weeks ago I was in an absolutly massive low. There was a point one morning when the urge to kill myself overwhelmed me. I was as deep as I could get BUT...I called my gp and saw him in the afternoon and the next day I was with the pdoc. He made some adjustments to my meds and within a couple of days I started to level off.

This past week I have been building up (for the second time in a fortnight) and on Friday I was buzzing, very high. I saw my pdoc that day (fortunatly) and he made some further adjustments.

The point I'm trying to make is: We, all of us, have dizzying hights and catastrophic lows which debilitate us in our daily lives. If we just keep holing on to the idea that we are worth saving and that in time we will become more stable, we can overcome the pain and look forward to calmer times.

I really hope this helps you during this difficult time :hug:
 
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roses_in_december

Member
Joined
Dec 18, 2009
Messages
10
Thankyou both. Your words mean an awful lot to me. They've given me that little bit of strength. I've written a list of really small everyday things to do, manageable things, to keep me busy. I just have to hold out until Monday and try not to do anything stupid.
 
T

TOONAFISH

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 23, 2008
Messages
2,686
Location
Bonnie Scotland
Morning Roses. How are you today??? Just wanted to send a hug and to say im thinking of you. Your doing the right thing setting a few things to do. I know it is v hard, but you are doing so well. Keep us posted on how you are.
(((Roses))):hug:
 
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