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Whats wrong with me? please!

J

Jackpvfc

Member
Joined
Jan 30, 2015
Messages
5
Im 20 years old, suffer from bad breath but this being controlled with natural remedies such as green tea. I had a testicle removed at 16 and as soon as I recovered from the operation i went to college, ever since this ive not been the same person. At school I was very confident, outspoken and opinionated. At college I was quieter and thought this was due to a new surrounding or maturing as an adult - Which may still be true? But now 2 years since I left college I find myself being spoken to like rubbish by people and being to shy and quiet to say anything. The person I was before would never have let this happen and would have made short work of whoever was provoking me but this person is long gone. Why have I changed so much when I dont want to be the person Ive become?

Ive been constantly worrying about my future career path for 2 years now and the thought of not having a successful and meaningful career scares the life out of me. This is all I ever think about and when things don't work out as I want them to regarding this i get extremely disheartened and feel like giving up.

Over the past year ive been taking general banter from NEW friends and work colleagues to heart which has affected my mood and then I would think about the hurtful things over and over, thinking if they meant it to be hurtful or was it an innocent joke? This is now starting to be the same within my VERY CLOSE friend circle and I dont know why.

I also compare myself to my friends and people the same age as me and feel like a failure if someone is progressing in life better than me.

I wouldnt say im depressed at all as I have many happy times and im physically active with hobbies/sports. However im constantly worrying about my future and the choices and paths I choose in life.

This has made me think about if I have a case of anxietty maybe?

Thanks,

Jack
 
Purple Chaos

Purple Chaos

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Oct 23, 2014
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Hi Jack and welcome to the forum.

It does sound kind of anxiety or self-esteem related to me. Leaving school, starting college, worrying about your career, concerns about your future, having an operation etc. can all be quite stressful and knock your confidence. Once you start worrying about things it can be hard to keep it contained.

Have you talked to anyone (family or friends) about how you're feeling? Are your parents supportive people?
 
calypso

calypso

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You mention the testicle - is that worrying you? Trust me, you don't actually need two. I have a friend and he has fathered three children with one. It doesn't alter your masculinity either, or your hormone levels. I can assure you of that.

Part of growing up is to often lose confidence like this. I would strongly suggest you have some counselling and don't let the GP bully you into only a few sessions. If you can, try to buy some for yourself, its £35 an hour approximately - that is if you are British, I'm assuming you are.

You might like to try looking into good Mindfulness. Its not meditation, as some think. But the techniques can really, really help. If there is a group near you, try joining it. Best of luck Jack.
 
J

Jackpvfc

Member
Joined
Jan 30, 2015
Messages
5
Thanks for your replies.

The testicle thing doesn't bother me that much but I believe it definitely has knocked my confidence as looking back before the operation ive never really be the same since. On the other hand is this completely unrelated and just me growing up?

The main problem i have is that I constantly worry about my future and more specifically, my future career career. Linked to this is regularly comparing myself to friends and people that are of a similar age. I overthink things and worry about not succeeding in what I want to be - which is to work in the prison/police.

I've recently had to leave my job as it was making me so unhappy. Because of this i dont know if im just a "worrier" and feeling naturally low due to my bad time at work over the past 3/4 months or do I have anxiety problems.

Its really confusing!

Thanks,

Jack
 
Purple Chaos

Purple Chaos

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Because your operation coincided with you leaving school and then starting college, it's hard to tell if that's where your problems originated. Perhaps it was a combination of events.

I think that understanding whether you're just a natural worrier, or if there is an underlying anxiety issue, comes down to a matter of severity and how you cope. If your worries adversely impact your life and effect your day-to-day living then it's wise to seek help. I know this isn't as easy to decide as it sounds.

You were obviously worried enough to seek help on here so maybe that's a sign that you do need some support with what you're going through?

Calypso's suggestions of counselling and mindfulness are definitely worth looking in to. There is a lot of helpful information on the Internet too.

I hope you start feeling better soon.
 
M

MYTIMEHASCOME

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Jul 12, 2011
Messages
547
Hi Jack

I can relate to everything your saying, that's exactly how I feel. Work colleagues make jokes in jest - and I take it personally I also worry about my future and what I want to do ... I keep changing jobs because I don't think its right for me or I'll be stuck in a job I hate for all my life and then when I look back I've achieved nothing. I also compare myself to people of the same age e.g. Most of my friends are married with kids etc - unfortunately I don't know how to fix the problem but maybe u can take solace in the fact there are other people who feel the same!
 
J

Jackpvfc

Member
Joined
Jan 30, 2015
Messages
5
Hi MTHC, how have you managed with this problem? Ive felt since starting college that I have changed as a person but never even thought that it could be a sign of mental illness. With the added stress of my promotion at work this has escalated and im now quite worried that it could be something serious as when I googled what thoughts I had everything pointed to anxiety. Socially I would say im not that troubled more than anyone else meeting new people.

My problem is the fear of failure in terms of my future. This has always been what my world revolves around and now things aren't going to plan, my worry and thoughts have spiralled out of control. Ive had to leave my job due to it making me so unhappy and now im worried how to explain this in interviews and how this may mean that I wont get another job.

I feel like a quitter and a failure and that ive let everyone down.

Thanks,

Jack
 
M

MYTIMEHASCOME

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Jul 12, 2011
Messages
547
Hi Jack

I'm sorry to say I haven't managed with it at all. I self harm, I have daily thoughts and compulsions to end my life, I don't socialise at all really even though I do like chatting to people and recently I was arrested and cautioned for 'common assault' in summary my life's a mess - I should have asked for help but didn't for fear of being seen as weak I even recently lied at a psych assessment I was referred to so once I actually got the courage to ask for help I lied to be seen as 'normal' and now I'm stuck in Same situation. I had a brain tumor and meningitis twice when I was younger I mention this because a lot of the symptoms I have can also be found in ptsd and u say u lost a testicle due to cancer maybe u don't think its effected you but it has? Look it up tell me what u think

Cheers

Sean

Thanks,
 
M

MYTIMEHASCOME

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Messages
547
And also ask for help speak to a gp or friends / family - do what I didn't do!
 
J

Jackpvfc

Member
Joined
Jan 30, 2015
Messages
5
Hi Sean,

Im so sorry to hear this and why dont you seek help now? Everyone needs help at some point in their life, it doesn't mean you're weak.

Ive spoken to my girlfriend about it and I think its just my previous job that was the main issue. I try keep myself busy which helps and this forum was helped me loads, knowing that im not the only one who worries excessively about their future.

Thanks,
Jack
 
M

MYTIMEHASCOME

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 12, 2011
Messages
547
Hi Sean,

Im so sorry to hear this and why dont you seek help now? Everyone needs help at some point in their life, it doesn't mean you're weak.

Ive spoken to my girlfriend about it and I think its just my previous job that was the main issue. I try keep myself busy which helps and this forum was helped me loads, knowing that im not the only one who worries excessively about their future.

Thanks,
Jack
Hi mate

After years of not doing it I did a lovely gp referee me for psych assesment who in turn refered me to primary mh services - great i thought so I ring the number the course is full and I need a gp referral and the onln course they got is at 10 in the morning... I work - I feel palmed aside now I'm even more motivated to kill myself but out of spite so the local mental health services get investigated into the failings of preventing my death .... X
 
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J

Jackpvfc

Member
Joined
Jan 30, 2015
Messages
5
Hi,

This sounds like brilliant progress and an opportunity to fight your illness. You may have to take time off work but your health is more important mate. If you cannot afford to do this then you have to plead to offer an alternative time to seek help.

Things are sounding to look better so don't give up!

Jack
 
M

MYTIMEHASCOME

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 12, 2011
Messages
547
hi jack

Cheers but

Unfortunately in Cardiff it's the take it or leave it approach and as I can't afford not to work it's leave it - oh well!!
 
M

MYTIMEHASCOME

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 12, 2011
Messages
547
How u feeling today mate?

Still feel the same or?

Just remember in the words of winning ain't about how hard u hit it's how hard u can get hit and keep on going ( or words to that effect)

Have a good day
 
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