What's wrong with me - internet dating

shaky

shaky

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 2, 2009
Messages
7,587
Location
Warwickshire
#1
I've been using internet dating sites for years.
What happens every time is...
I message some, with a few lines about why I think we are compatible
They message back.
I message them with some info about my likes and dislikes and ask a question or two for them to respond to.
They message back responding to the questions - but nothing else - so the ball is in my court to continue the converstaion with no clues from them
I message again with moer things I like or dislike and more questions (just 1 or 2)

Then I never hear from them again.
Whether I message again or not
They just don't bother.

This happens everytime

Why is everyone on these sites so pathetic?
Why don't they open up and start a proper conversation?
What is wrong with me that it NEVER develops further?

But there's nothing else I can do.
Meeting new people in real life happens so rarely I HAVE to use the internet.

It's making me sick
I despair.
I don't know what to do
I don't even get close to having a date.
It's awful.
 
I

IWILLOBTAINMENTALHEALTH

Guest
#2
I don't know mate. I personally don't feel safe doing internet dating. The man I would meet might try and hurt me or something. I don't think internet dating is safe, even for men. A woman could always bring a weapon to the date. Steer clear from those sites for your safety. Never meet anyone in a non public place either. Always take a cell phone if you need to phone the police, if you decide to internet date. Sorry for digressing. :hug:
 
H

Helena1

Well-known member
Forum Safety Team
Joined
Oct 11, 2014
Messages
9,911
Location
UK
#3
Maybe post one of the conversations you have had so we can get more of an idea.

Have you ever had any dates on there?
 
W

winofunk

Guest
#5
Hello Shaky.

It is possibly the case that you are doing nothing wrong. It is quite possibly the people you are messaging who are doing something wrong.

It might be that the site you are using is not the right one for you. There are many different sites, some free and some charge. Some are for dating and relationships, and others are for people who are looking for more action with less commitment.

I am not suggesting this is the case in your situation, but I have a female friend who uses dating apps, such as Tinder or Badoo, as a way of bolstering her self-esteem. She is a lone parent with little spare time, but enjoys the attention that she gets on such sites. She has never, to date, been on any dates despite the number of matches she has. She has matched with many men, and I do believe she also enjoys the power of dismissing men or telling them she is too good for them.

I do not think I could use any dating apps or sites. I met my ex-partner in the old fashioned chat rooms, back in the days of Freeserve and dial-up internet. There were no profile pics back then, so you could be anyone you wanted to be. He told me he looked like Andrew Ridgeley. I told him I looked like George Clooney. He was very disappointed, but still it lasted 11 years.

Now I do not know that my confidence could take the rejection. So I avoid them.

Whatever one you are using, I wish you well with it.
 
R

ramboghettouk

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Jan 7, 2008
Messages
14,663
Location
london
#6
The last date I had from an internet site was 10 years ago.
:(
maybe they get interested google your name, use details to find you, and discover mental health issues
 
burt tomato

burt tomato

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2013
Messages
29,591
Location
Mordor
#8
you are not alone Shaky. I have had horrible experiences on dating websites. Mostly get ignored. Even when I was in my 20s. I also find them very expensive so don't use them anymore.

I need some time on my own, anyway.
 
Kerome

Kerome

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 29, 2013
Messages
12,746
Location
Europe
#12
I know a lot of internet dating sites use very questionable practices, like fake profiles of women to lure men in. The only website I had good success with was The Guardian’s Soulmates, it’s expensive but there are real people on it.

Otherwise maybe try some real life situations like speed dating or a single’s party? If you look on the internet you will find places that do these sorts of events in the nearest major towns.
 
W

Wildfire

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 1, 2018
Messages
81
#13
Shaky I feel for you. I did the internet dating site stuff a while ago and figured that I should be able to meet people quite easily. I have a wide range of interests, keep fit etc. But the same as you. Couple of emails and then often nothing.

It is all about looks and photos, the ones like eHarmony that try to match you with someone similar are rubbish. It is easier to go on something like Tinder as it is almost throw away. I know quite a few people who have met on there.

Internet (and normal) dating is hard work, after a while it can get very disheartening. I would do it in stints for a little while.

It's not worth struggling through it if you feel bad or it gets you down as it will influence your dates.

I do think the days of the paid for dating sites have been and gone to be honest. Things like Tinder are more modern and have less commitment to having write loads of emails etc.

The best thing that I found when dating was confidence. Not arrogance but being confident in your own skin and smiling. Also giving yourself a little bit of a dating make over can do wonders for your confidence and make you feel almost like wearing a uniform to go out.

Not sure where you're located but real life situations are easier sometimes or maybe something like Tinder where there is less expectation for build up and more where you can head out for a quick date?

What sort of things are you into?
 
R

ramboghettouk

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Jan 7, 2008
Messages
14,663
Location
london
#14
any dating my concern is how would i explain schitzoprenia, if i keep quiet somewhere along the line it gets out with very predictable results

i'm never going to have that good job or that cotttage in the country, my fate social housing that if anyone shares with me, the dwp considers us a couple, and assuming the womens working expects her to support me
 
Mayfair

Mayfair

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 12, 2010
Messages
32,755
Location
8,539
#15
any dating my concern is how would i explain schitzoprenia, if i keep quiet somewhere along the line it gets out with very predictable results

i'm never going to have that good job or that cotttage in the country, my fate social housing that if anyone shares with me, the dwp considers us a couple, and assuming the womens working expects her to support me
Why does this have to define you?

It's a doctor's evaluation, and though to me means nothing, to others entirely rules their life.


I think this is the state's fault. Doesn't matter Labour/Tory. Labelling people is the last thing that either party try to do, but both do it, so there is no alternative.

-

I have to be honest not read whole thread yet shakey, I don't need or want ot. I know what it will be about,

-

my personal opinion is that I wouldn't even try internet dating. The furthest I got was reg for POF, but never put anything up, and can't seem to get rid of it, even though years ago! :LOL:
 
R

ramboghettouk

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Jan 7, 2008
Messages
14,663
Location
london
#16
Why does this have to define you?

It's a doctor's evaluation, and though to me means nothing, to others entirely rules their life.


I think this is the state's fault. Doesn't matter Labour/Tory. Labelling people is the last thing that either party try to do, but both do it, so there is no alternative.

-

I have to be honest not read whole thread yet shakey, I don't need or want ot. I know what it will be about,

-

my personal opinion is that I wouldn't even try internet dating. The furthest I got was reg for POF, but never put anything up, and can't seem to get rid of it, even though years ago! :LOL:
i never said it had to define me a schitzoprenia diagnosis but when i've kept quiet and women have been attracted to me, i've experienced the reaction when they find out

dare i say it if your gay it doesn't matter so much what the opposite sex make of it
 
FizzyCustard

FizzyCustard

Member
Joined
Sep 15, 2018
Messages
11
Location
West Midlands, England
#17
The best thing to try and do is stop thinking it's you. It's not because I can tell you that I've had similar experiences. A lot of internet dating is very basic chatting and asking questions back and forth without any spark. I personally don't particularly like internet dating after so many failed attempts at trying to find a partner. Now I'm just happy to let things happen naturally and meet someone face to face.

Please don't think it's you doing something wrong, because this is a very common theme. Trust me, it is.
 
burt tomato

burt tomato

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2013
Messages
29,591
Location
Mordor
#18
Internet dating is shit. There is no love in it. It is an ego trip for those photogenic enough and narcissistic types.

I must admit I don't bother with it anymore, and just stick to real life.
 
N

natalie

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 1, 2014
Messages
10,838
#19
I noticed headlines about this recently, on here.

I must admit, I do prefer, than I don't do on line dating anyhow, I prefer the old fashioned method of dating in person, one offers an arrangement for the date, meet up, introduction, induction, and take it from there.

That's my deep down feeling.
 
Thread starter Similar threads Forum Replies Date
M People 3

Similar threads