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What's the most important mind shift you had that helped you get better?

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MoonShade

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Oct 5, 2013
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170
My mind shift was that I went from constantly feeling a need for attention and validation to realizing that I had to show myself love and attention...that I was missing love and attention from myself and not from other people.

What was yours?
 
Tawny

Tawny

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Nov 10, 2019
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Me similar, i realised i had to look after myself very well and very carefully otherwise i would end up dead. I was being pushed all over by family, friends, NHS staff, everyone and everything was overwhelming and confusing me.

I stopped living, i hibernated, i built myself up from scratch and carefully let certain people into my life one by one.

I am fiercely protective of myself, my time, my energy, and fiercely defensive of myself when people criticise me.

I had to learn what my gifts and my shortcomings were so that i did not pay attention to those nasty words that were coming my way from all angles.

Then i bought a cat, a paint pallette, brush and paper, and lived happily ever after :)
 
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Nukelavee

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Dec 17, 2019
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I dunno what the biggest single shift would be. One big one was when I realized that the "borderline" in BPD doesn't mean minor, that BPD is a serious issue. Up until then, I just worried about my depression and anxiety. After I did some serious research on it, progress picked up, because I was finally connecting behaviours to triggers.

realizing that I do have mood swings, but that it's always a switch flipping to rage and back, and what my "bad" anger feels like was a huge step. Instead of being caught up in the energy and feeling justified, I now try to just not react.

Another big one, that was recent, was realizing that I'm not as emotionally transparent as I've always felt, in fact, I tend to be opaque. So, I've learned to be more open and to communicate things better.
 
P

Purpleplum

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One of the shifts is that none of this matters. When you almost lose your life suddenly, you come back realizing that all of things we worry about, get upset about, etc... doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things.

Another one was that no matter what happens, I know I can get through it and don't need anyone. This allowed the family ties to go that had caused so much damage. This was probably the biggest turn.
 
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Nukelavee

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One of the shifts is that none of this matters. When you almost lose your life suddenly, you come back realizing that all of things we worry about, get upset about, etc... doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things.
I can relate to that. I myself am pretty nihilistic about most things. I mean, there are things that matter to me, but I've been trying to put those into perspective, and to accept what is meaningful to me, may be meaningless to others.
 
GeminiMoon

GeminiMoon

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Aug 5, 2020
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Belgium
Hard to choose. Moments like when Morpheus tells Neo what the matrix is. Anger, confusion and disbelief all at the same time. Sometimes it was weekly. The floor drops beneath you and you are floating in infinite space with nothing to grab onto. All you can do is lay down and close your eyes and sink into acceptance.

The second biggest was learning to forgive and wish well to the people who hurt and upset me the most. It was as ego crushing as it sounds. But that allowed me to truly forgive and stop judging myself. It also makes shadow work much easier.
 
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MoonShade

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Oct 5, 2013
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These are all valid and awesome lessons. Thank you so much for sharing these helpful reminders with me. <3
 
Bizzarebitrary

Bizzarebitrary

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Dec 17, 2018
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696
Location
California, US
"Both-and" instead of "either-or".
Empathy is the antidote to shame.
In order to feel really connected, I must allow myself to be vulnerable.
I can't reconstruct my past, I can change my relationship to it.
 
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natalie

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Aug 1, 2014
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16,311
It's a difficult one, I would have to say, that's volunteerin started off volunteering late 2004, and resumed 2011 after building went remodelling renovations, and also my fitness, it was my fitness interests that had done it for me, as well, and after a few years of knowing him, and many years later on, very much in love with my strong mutual admirer/potential now Gent Friend.
 
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wheat

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Jul 7, 2020
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み/ち
I suddenly just gave myself tough love when I was twenty eight ( 28 ) after going through something extremely traumatic in real life. I said to myself enough no more letting all those who hurt me over the years keep winning. Enough of letting people use, manipulate, treat me like trash and a worthless human being. I started to better myself becoming more positive, and optimistic as a person. I put myself first above anyone for the first time and became to love myself as well accepting myself. For who I am and not bring ashamed of it anymore. There is more to my story when I started my healing journey to find true peace and happiness though. For now I'll keep it short so nore or less I just finally stood up for myself to keep fighting, so as of now in my life I'm thriving and still going strong.
 
Fireflies201

Fireflies201

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Dec 3, 2020
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North
I think the biggest lesson for me currently is self-compassion. I’m incredibly used to being self-depreciating and magnifying my faults. I find the tiniest flaws and criticize myself for it. It’s why I’ve never been confident in myself. I think part of me was thinking that this criticism was useful and based on fact. I never thought I was being hard on myself until I opened up to a close confidant. She told me it wasn’t normal and I didn’t need to continue to feed into the guilt. I’ve been so ashamed for feeling vulnerable and weak that I forgot to care for myself. I think I was just so used to the internal messaging that I perceived that I only deserve love when I’m successful (with my parents). But that isn’t their fault either, it’s probably what they’ve been taught themselves. And there’s also this thing in my family where people don’t really show weakness and relatives are competitive (to the point of comparing me to my cousins - so that’s another one too). I don’t think it’s all their fault if I had a distorted perception. I take ownership of the pain I brought to myself. Right now, I’m learning to hold space for myself when I’m in pain or depressed or anxious. It helps when you are actually in your own corner and not trying to find evidence for everyone else’s judgement of you.
 
ht46

ht46

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Nov 10, 2019
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Kokomo
Two points for me, first when I first got unwell and i stopped reaching out to people and socialising how few people actually reach out to me so I didn't try and maintain a lot of friendships and started living for myself and began to enjoy a more solitary life didn't miss the crowd what so ever.
Second would be reading I started reading Nietzsche and it helped me to stop being affected by smaller trivial aspects of life, take things less personally and see through a lot of the pressures life puts on us.
 
soul searching

soul searching

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Nov 5, 2020
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Clearwater, Florida
The most important mind shift for me was pulling out of my delusional state. Since then, with medication, life is worth living and just keeps getting better.
 
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