What's real? (Intrusive thoughts)

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Robin68

New member
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Apr 4, 2019
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3
Location
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So I have been having intrusive thoughts about past events. There is this thing I'm afraid I did but dont know for sure if I did it. It's against my morals and something I would normally never do but I was drunk then so it makes me think that everything is possible. Did alcohol turn me into a monster or am I just generally a bad person? The thoughts are so disgusting that I dont know what I should so, I have even considered harming myself.

The funny thing about the memory that I'm currently obsessing about is that I dont actually remember doing it, I just remember someone accusing me of doing it, even tho during the act I had my eyes closed and I never actually saw anything. It could have been just a misunderstanding or it never even happened. It makes no sense but my brain is telling me that I'm a bad person and I did it. I don't know what is real anymore, the memory has gotten different and it keeps changing when I think about it. This memory is also over 2 years old and when it happened I was able to brush it off because it was just too insane. But now I can't get it out of my head. I have asked from the person if they remember anything like it and they said that they don't. Probably because we were both drunk..

Everytime I'm done with one intrusive thought another comes along. They are all somehow similar, something about me doing horrible things and everyone leaving me because of it. Everyday feels like a battle and this is really hard. I have searched help but for now it takes time to get to talk to someone, also I'm on medication.
 
TroubleinParadise

TroubleinParadise

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Jun 28, 2018
Messages
176
Location
South Africa
Hi Robin,

I think that I understand what you're referencing. I would like to get to the root of it... in my mind I envision someone who is struggling with constant thoughts of a rumination nature. I see someone who is plagued with a heightened sense of guilt towards these things. Am I correct in assuming this?

It's common with obsessive compulsive disorder - that being said - were you diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder? What's the history?
 
R

Robin68

New member
Joined
Apr 4, 2019
Messages
3
Location
Sweden
Hi Robin,

I think that I understand what you're referencing. I would like to get to the root of it... in my mind I envision someone who is struggling with constant thoughts of a rumination nature. I see someone who is plagued with a heightened sense of guilt towards these things. Am I correct in assuming this?

It's common with obsessive compulsive disorder - that being said - were you diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder? What's the history?
Yes, I was recently diagnosed with ocd and depression. These thoughts came out of nowhere, first I was thinking all the bad things I had done and then they wouldn't stop and I started to analyse them and they went worse. I have always been really hard on myself and guilt is one feeling I never have known how to deal with. So I'm not surprised that things have gotten this bad..
 
TroubleinParadise

TroubleinParadise

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 28, 2018
Messages
176
Location
South Africa
You're travelling down mental health alley - when you arrive at Obsessive Compulsive Disorder Street, a survival guide is in order, in your backup you carry:

* One helping of allow the thoughts to pass; don't resist.
* An understanding that you are not your thoughts.
* A realization that those with OCD are the least likely to perform the thoughts.
* The more you reassure - the more reassurance you need - the more the cycle loops.
 

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