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whats, ifs and wtf's

skitzofrantik

skitzofrantik

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 30, 2012
Messages
1,957
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terminal velocity
didny realize how much the counselling helped and what a support it was, things just seem to be be getting more and more frakked up, feel like i have lost any insight into the mh probs, not eaten in last 3/4 days and getting more isolated wich without the depression wouldny be as much as a problem, but with it didny ken how to articulate but almost seems to fecking feed it wich then kinda fucks the head becuase of the general loathing of "society/humantity" and not feeling constanly drained when around people:scratcheshead:.
Then fraking family bullshit seems to have reared its head again (kinda get past sick of this shit :mad: ) accepted there is 2 i have to grieve for even though still breathing :cry2: my auntie i had kinda of given up hope on as i asked for 2 photos of my gran and after a month must say wasny hopefull and was kinda thinking fuck it but then got a letter and well humble pie doesny come in much bigger portions, but she had taken so long because she had managed to be thoughtful enough to find only photos of my gran, i ken she has loads but there all with other family members and the fact she had thought to just find photos of my nan kinda took the breath away at how thought full she had been :cry2: and really owe her a visit at least to say ty, then tonight at friends and they found some one i hadny even given a thought my uncle last time i seen him was at funeral and canny even mind how things were left before that, canny say he is a total homophobic but well very old skool and not generally accepted, how ever that being at least 10 years ago, i ken how much i have changed i am sure so as he. How ever not knowing who he is still in touch with or if he even wants to know me is really starting to hurt the head, kinda accepted the older you get and the more death you see the more you want to cling onto the "biological" family you have but how the fuck do you do that from total darkness about who they may be now and even just how different my life is now, just canny fathom it or even where to begin :(.
Head just spinning canny even be dealing with the here now almost feeling like that bumble theory, where if you explained the laws of psychics to it, if that were even possible it would never fly, almost feels like that with so much of my past, when i accept and start trying to deal with it head just implodes as its just not possible with out all the extras thrown :cry2:
 
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Nicola398

Guest
I am sorry you feel so overwhelmed with it all right now.It sounds chaotic for you and having lost loved ones too.It is true as we get older and lose people family connections increase in importance.But t sounds like me your family are far and if like mine they aren't worth knowing and don't care for me anyway!Family can be comforting and reassuring I know but as you say there can be a lot of bullshit from them to deal with too.
I think keep up the talking to the counsellor if it is helping a great deal,I am the same when depressed I lose my appetite and can eat very little for a few days then make up for it by eating a lot.The insight comes and go for me too,just when I have remembered stuff and got into myself and focus on who I am and what my past consists of I forget it again,lose myself and go into denial.it is hard work isn't it.
I like your quote,"I became insane,with long intervals of horrible sanity", to me being mad is the most truth and real life, it is the 'normals', that are sane aren't quite right in the head!
Take care skitzofrantik, it has been a while since you have been on here hasn't it?Unless your post were well hidden and I haven't seen them!NicolaX
 
skitzofrantik

skitzofrantik

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 30, 2012
Messages
1,957
Location
terminal velocity
ty for your reply nicola and the other hugs.

it has been a while i think i tend to drift in out or though pretty good at hiding and with out counsellor it is more tough, just bk at that cross roads of trying to get support again and just canny be fucked with the aggro, sorry to hear your family is kinda simlar and yeh it is hard work think sometimes its to easy to forgot that :unsure:
 
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