W
watl1
New member
Founding Member
- Joined
- Mar 26, 2008
- Messages
- 2
Hi everyone
I'm new to this forum and have been reading through the various posts with great interest, and wondered if anyone can shed any light on the following (sorry - this is a bit of an essay but will try to keep it as brief as possible!!!)
Basically, I'm now 31 years old but have struggled with depression on and off since my teens, and have been prescribed various anti-depressants in the past as well as seen counsellors, psychologists, psychiastrists and even a hypnotherapist. However, nothing really seems to have helped - instead I've just gone through ups and downs and managed to sort myself out. Both my parents have "emotional" problems and my dad went one step further and was sectioned for 6 months a few years ago but seems relatively stable now (parents aren't together). I've made various suicide attempts (although the last one was probably 6 years ago) and suffered very badly from body dysmorphic disorder during my late teens and early twenties.
I'm now at the stage where I can function relatively normally e.g. I can hold down a job, I'm in a long-term relationship, get on ok with my family, etc. but there seem to be a few things that make me feel I should get some help. For example, I don't seem to have any concept of personal hygiene (this is extremely embarassing to write and have never told anyone!) but I tend to bath once a month, brush my teeth once every few weeks, have little regard for clean plates, don't change my underwear and live in an absolute pig sty. I suppose I've always been quite bad with this sort of thing, but it's got a lot worse lately, where I just don't seem to care about stuff like that, yet I spend a fortune on clothes and makeup in order to look good on the outside when I go out! The worst part is that my boyfriend now seems to have become really messy as well, although the state of the place gets on his nerves so much, he tends to do the cleaning every now and then.
I also have a compulsive skin picking problem that I've had since I was about 13, have absolutely no self-esteem and really don't like myself, yet am popular and outgoing and no one would ever suspect any of this, and at the same time, seem to feel a lot of hatred and bitterness towards people in general - always seeing the worst and never really wanting anything good to happen to anyone. I have massive jealousy issues and feel as though I can't trust anyone.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm completely normal and everyone else is a bit bonkers for wanting a clean and tidy house, or to spend so much time worrying over hygiene and Detox products etc, but at the same time, know I'm not. It's very hard to explain... I never seem to feel at peace with myself and this year, nothing seems to make me happy and I've lost all motivation. I still have the odd suicidal thought but know I would never attempt it again, as I know it's just a cry for help.
Does anyone know whether this is just depression again, or whether it's something else? Of course, I understand that I can't expect a diagnosis on this website, but I've lost a lot of hope with the NHS for problems like this as I've been there so many times and they just don't seem to want to help or take me seriously - usually instead sticking me on a waiting list to see a mental health assessor person and prescribing me a load of Prozac. Once I get there, I also feel like I can never talk about my problems with them and get really angry inside - I'd prefer someone just to listen and not pass judgement, or even offer sympathy or any kind of opinion on my situation!!
Thanks in advance
Sue xx
I'm new to this forum and have been reading through the various posts with great interest, and wondered if anyone can shed any light on the following (sorry - this is a bit of an essay but will try to keep it as brief as possible!!!)
Basically, I'm now 31 years old but have struggled with depression on and off since my teens, and have been prescribed various anti-depressants in the past as well as seen counsellors, psychologists, psychiastrists and even a hypnotherapist. However, nothing really seems to have helped - instead I've just gone through ups and downs and managed to sort myself out. Both my parents have "emotional" problems and my dad went one step further and was sectioned for 6 months a few years ago but seems relatively stable now (parents aren't together). I've made various suicide attempts (although the last one was probably 6 years ago) and suffered very badly from body dysmorphic disorder during my late teens and early twenties.
I'm now at the stage where I can function relatively normally e.g. I can hold down a job, I'm in a long-term relationship, get on ok with my family, etc. but there seem to be a few things that make me feel I should get some help. For example, I don't seem to have any concept of personal hygiene (this is extremely embarassing to write and have never told anyone!) but I tend to bath once a month, brush my teeth once every few weeks, have little regard for clean plates, don't change my underwear and live in an absolute pig sty. I suppose I've always been quite bad with this sort of thing, but it's got a lot worse lately, where I just don't seem to care about stuff like that, yet I spend a fortune on clothes and makeup in order to look good on the outside when I go out! The worst part is that my boyfriend now seems to have become really messy as well, although the state of the place gets on his nerves so much, he tends to do the cleaning every now and then.
I also have a compulsive skin picking problem that I've had since I was about 13, have absolutely no self-esteem and really don't like myself, yet am popular and outgoing and no one would ever suspect any of this, and at the same time, seem to feel a lot of hatred and bitterness towards people in general - always seeing the worst and never really wanting anything good to happen to anyone. I have massive jealousy issues and feel as though I can't trust anyone.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm completely normal and everyone else is a bit bonkers for wanting a clean and tidy house, or to spend so much time worrying over hygiene and Detox products etc, but at the same time, know I'm not. It's very hard to explain... I never seem to feel at peace with myself and this year, nothing seems to make me happy and I've lost all motivation. I still have the odd suicidal thought but know I would never attempt it again, as I know it's just a cry for help.
Does anyone know whether this is just depression again, or whether it's something else? Of course, I understand that I can't expect a diagnosis on this website, but I've lost a lot of hope with the NHS for problems like this as I've been there so many times and they just don't seem to want to help or take me seriously - usually instead sticking me on a waiting list to see a mental health assessor person and prescribing me a load of Prozac. Once I get there, I also feel like I can never talk about my problems with them and get really angry inside - I'd prefer someone just to listen and not pass judgement, or even offer sympathy or any kind of opinion on my situation!!
Thanks in advance
Sue xx