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What's Going On???

M

mcrmylife

New member
Joined
Feb 1, 2009
Messages
3
I'm new on here so i don't really understand what's going on but i need help so... :unsure:
Here goes. The other day i had a huge argument with my family and i ended up getting very angry more than i've ever been before. I walked away and ended up punching my wardrobe and throwing things around to calm down. then the person i was having a argument with came in and started it again pushing me too far. i then couldn't sit still when they left i was shaking crying and pacing i couldn't think straight and i couldn't listen to anything going on around me. i ended up hugging the closest thing to me ( a tissue box) and covering my ears. then all of a sudden a thing rose in me and i was all of a sudden very calm. it made me think of how my family would be better without me and how it would be less painfull to just end it. i started stroking where i would cut saying to myself less pain, less suffering, less fighting and i got to the stage of reaching for a pair of sharp scissors when i realised what he was making me do. i then managed to pull back and come to myself, i then had to fight him off quite a few times before i was sure i was alright.
the thing that scared me most about him was that he nearly did get me to slit my wrists and how he made it seem so easy and painless.

i'm sorry this is such a long post but i need to find out what happened because this hasn't happened before and it doesn't seem normal please help.:(
 
G

GrizzlyBear

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Sep 22, 2008
Messages
971
I'm glad you came to this forum and I hope you get some support here...but of course we can't really tell you what is happening....you will need to see a GP, I would think.

You already know it's not good and you don't like what is happening - that is reason enough to get help. I smashed up my house once I was so angry (I was on my own at the time) so I know how consuming and horrible the feeling can be.

And I would say it is not so unusual to get the other feelings you describe....don't delay....get professional support...the sooner you ask the sooner you get placed on the waiting list for various services.

:welcome:
 
Q

quality factor

Guest
Hi there, I agree with Grizzlybear, you need to see your GP at the least to talk this experience through. It is a positive step that something stopped you even though the desire to SH seemed so strong at the time. You can also access your local CMHT - (Community Mental Health Team) and they will advise you.:)
 
S

scooby1001

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
May 28, 2008
Messages
64
Was it a voice that was making you want to slit your arm and die? If it was i can understand fully how you felt as i have 2 male voices who constantly try to make me do things that are harmful to me. You need to tell your cpn(if you have one) or your doctor and hopefully they will be able to help you. Are you taking any anti-phsycotics? If not you need some they don't completly(in my case anyway) get rid of the voices by they make life a bit more bearable.

Best of luck.
 
M

mcrmylife

New member
Joined
Feb 1, 2009
Messages
3
Thanks for the replies.
and it wasn't quite a voice it was more like a person coming in me and it was like i was it, and it spoke through me and controlled what i thought. i really had to fight against it to push it away so i could come back. the really worrying thing, and the thing in my mind that makes it harder for me is that i'm only 14 years old (forgot to say in original post sorry)
 
S

saffron

Guest
Hello and welcome to the forum
sound like you are not getting on too wlell with the family at the moment. at 14 this is a testing time for all, especially yourself, you are going through a lot of changes at the moment.
however. a person can only push you so far before a breakdown occurs, eh, i feel that when this happens people can go two ways, they want to kill the person or they want to kill themselves. you are also going through a time when it is hard to control anger and emotions. But this can be helped with anger management and assertiveness courses.
however, a visit to the GP will give you more insight to whether this is a final reaction to a long time of mental abuse or that it is something more deep rooted. there is obviously communication problems with you and this person, and rows do sometimes flare up more than usual or you can suddenly loose all control over your emotions. a lot of people go through this at your age, I have a son and a daughter who was similar at that age, so you are not alone.
this is just my opinion not a diagnosis. so please go see your doctor or see if there are any youth support centers in your area, they are free, confidential and supportive.
anyway, wish you well and hope better times for you.
S
 
Last edited:
G

GrizzlyBear

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Sep 22, 2008
Messages
971
Ah....you're 14? Well...please make sure you get help. I needed help when I was 14 and did'nt ask (and certainly did'nt get)...and my mental anguish went on for years. If I had sought and got help then who knows how much better my life would have went. So....I know it might seem impossibly difficult...but get the help you need now ...I'm pretty sure it will be easier to make a full recovery if you start now rather than years down the line when you'll have other things to concentrate on.

Let us know how it goes....if it is difficult to contact a GP will you contact Childline (yes....I know you're 14...but they might have some advice on how to get help if you have trouble getting it).

Also....I don't know your family circumstances.....is it possible you can write to someone in your family explaining things and maybe, once they realise how difficult things are, someone will try and support you? Big raging arguments generally make everyone feel crap..and maybe they'd like some support too.

You can get through this Mrcrmylife!
 
Q

quality factor

Guest
Hi there again...so your fourteen and that can be a difficult age as you're finding out. If you don't feel comfortable about approaching your GP, is there an older person that you trust and can share this experience with?......perhaps a teacher or group leader. If this is not possible try something like Childline as has already been mentioned.
I had a very traumatic adolesence which has contributed to my mental health problems as I grew older. It's important that you try and get professional help because you're obviously so very bothered by what's happening to you.
Keep posting , there will always be somebody here to chat to, and let us know how you are getting on.:)
 
M

mcrmylife

New member
Joined
Feb 1, 2009
Messages
3
thanks everyone for your replies. at home i've been having lots of arguments but as i'm a teenager i guess that it's normal.
the reason this has worried me as much as it has is because last year i was in deep depression contemplating suicide and it only stopped when i finally had the courage to phone childline. however the other day it wasn't quite like that depression it was worse i was like it for about 15mins and then i was ready to kill myself. i haven't self harmed or had suicidal thoughts for over a year and it was a real battle to get out of it, which is why 'he' scared me so much.
he came when the person i was in a argument in started crying and was ready to walk they only stopped when another family member persuaded them not to, however this made it even more believable when he told me that they'd be better off without me. i wouldn't usually be this worried it's because i've only just got back from being depressed and i know someone in my family who suffers badly with it aswell so when i nearly went back to the height of it in a few minutes it was scary and for hours after i had to keep checking i was still me and he hadn't taken over again
 
S

saffron

Guest
aw hun it does sound like hell at the moment. however there is always osmethign to be done about it. for one, you need to confront them in a quiet moment and say that their words really hurt.
then I would call childline again, it worked last time and encouraged positve outcome, so you can have that again, you just need a bit of help, this is a lot to take on by yourself, you mentioned your past and you have done really well this year, however people sometimes do have a relapse if something has triggered it, its quite normal its your coping mechanism, although not a good one but you will learn how to cope better if you talk to someone proffesional.
we are always here to listen and offer advice but I think one to one help will help as well.
take care
S
 
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