Whatever could it be?

[Sleep]

Hi there people. I was on this forum wondering what has wrecked me and who I am.

I'm a 15 year old male. I take add medicine, and was recently taken off of antidepressents. I was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder a while back, but the psychiatrist is having doubts about that as of now. Mainly because of what my symptoms are.

Symptoms:

Lack of feelings/emotions: For some reason, most of the day I can't feel anything. I'm not happy. Not sad. Not fear. Just kind of fuzzy. Fuzzy is the feeling where I am uncomfortably numb. I feel like I'm trapped in me.

Lesser feelings: The feelings I do have flucuate. Every now and then I do feel things. I sometimes get extremely angry. I want to break stuff, kill people, cause havoc. But at the same time self-confident, motivated. I rarely ever feel sad.

Seeing stuff: I see a lot of wierd things. According to others, they aren't there, but I sometimes doubt that. It happens sporadically.

Hearing things: As well as seeing stuff, I hear things as well. Typically voices consisting of grunts, yells, and random sentances. I hate it.

Lack of motivation: I can't seem to motivate myself to do much stuff. I don't see the point in anything. But I'm not depressed.

Social life: I'm not gonna lie, I'm extremely good with people, but I hate them. They annoy the hell out of me, and I perfer to be alone. I can stand it for a little, but then it's too much and I run outside. I've been told I'm extremely manipulative, (even though I don't know what that really is). Also, I can't talk sometimes. Like it's not something I can control all that well. I just can't talk. I can't find the energy. The will. The want.

Drug use: Lately I've been smoking weed every weekend, but that's all. The "hallucinations" aren't triggered by this though. In fact that never happens. But I'm gonna stop doing other things soon.

I ask you please help me. My doctor just said that's not good, and sent me off.

 

[intelgal]

Hi sleep,


to the forum, Sorry to hear your not feeling right at the moment I imagine it to be a very worrying and scary time for you. Unfortunatly nobody on the forum can diagnose what may be going on with you but we can be here for moral support. Keep posting... sometimes just getting what your thinking off your chest can help. I ve never smoked weed myself but have heard it can have some nasty side effects that can last ..... but others may be able to offer more info on this!

Take care

Intel
x

 

[Dollit]

As Intelgal says no one could diagnose you here even if they were qualified. If you're having auditory and visual hallucinations and smoking weed then you're unlikely to be making the situation better, in fact you're likely to be making it worse. Just because an hallucination doesn't immediately follow a smoke doesn't mean to say it can't affect the effect.

You do have some of the things that I recognize in myself as depression but I know that, at times, depression isn't always about sadness.

Diagnosis is difficult in younger people because of naturally fluctuating moods, hormones and other pressure. Antids don't work on a lot of people, they're not a cure all by any means.

I would suggest that you keep posting, often people come on here with no idea of where to go next and become more well than they hoped just because peer support is such a powerful tool.

 

[honeyquince]

I'd second that - posting on here (maybe even keeping a blog - see the journals section) and getting to know people can have a powerful influence on you for the positive - I know because it has done for me. OK so I'm not better but it makes me feel a bit better knowing this place exists.

 

[saffron]

Hello sleep wecome to the forum
It not a nice feeling being numb all the time, maybe thats a defense to protect yourself emotionally eh?
weed is notorious in making someone feel paranoid and part of that may include sights or sounds that make you jumpy, although it is not 'addictive' as such physically like H but you can get psychologically dependent on it.
You are only 15 thats a young age to be sitting around at the weekend doing. have you no interests? you sound like you are an intelligent man and maybe you need something more challenging to focus on. Something that will test you mentally and physically.
take care
S