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What would you do in my shoes?

A

Alittlelost

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 16, 2010
Messages
93
Location
UK England
Background information:

I am in treatment for anorexia, i have been for years. I am now at a healthy weight but have therapy for the underlining reasons. I have recently had an assessment by my local phychosis team as i hear voices and see things. These two teams are ment to be working together.

My eating disorder team recently told me they are not willing to talk about traumas that have happened incase it upsets the phychosis.

My phychosis team today said that i may not be suffering from phychosis but may be hearing voices due to trauma or PTSD. Bear in mind trauma happened as a child aged 4-10, when i was 14 and 19. I'm now 23.

What am i ment to do? My T, P doc and consultant don't want me to talk about my past even though it's in my head all the time whist i am hearing voices etc. My phychosis team think i'm experiencing voices due to trauma but just want to medicate me.

Does anyone see my problem?

both teams i see are contradicting each other. I don't feel that any of the teams are helping me. I feel alone with this and so very confused about the voices and whats happened to me in the past.

What would you do?
 
bert tomato

bert tomato

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 4, 2010
Messages
6,840
I hear voices now and again. I usually get the voices after a traumatic event. The medications help me, because the voices seem to go away after time. I am older than you, and are more comfortable with them. I havent got it worked out yet, but you are not alone. What you write makes me feel good in a strange way. It makes me feel what I suffer is not so bad. I guess that makes you a hero.
 
maxitab

maxitab

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Joined
Sep 18, 2010
Messages
10,392
Location
In Devon
Whatever is happening you should have a care coordinator. Get together with this person or contact them and tell them you want to call a care review ASAP. You have the right to do this. Prepare for the meeting making sure all the relevant parties attend. Don't get too up tight if they do not. The purpose of the meeting is to say that you feel your care is suffering because of these contradictions, which you wish to have addressed with a properly focused and agreed upon care plan....
Write your care plan in advance if you have to, or the rudiments of it, Say what you think you need and what you waqnt them all to do or not do. If you write it in advance and give it to your care coordinator it has to go in your notes and be taken notice of. You can have anyone you want at the meeting, relatives, friends, people who suppot you for any reason and in any way.
 
A

Alittlelost

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 16, 2010
Messages
93
Location
UK England
Thank you for your replies. Yes maxitab i do have a care coordinator and also have CPAs. I had CPAs when i was in hospital with my eating disorder so i understand a fair amount about them. I'm still struggling with seeing so many different people. I now also see an occupational health physician due to me studying nursing. My last meeting with him was devistating... He threatened to kick me off my course because i stopped my meds and evidence of self harm. He told me i would be better suited in working in a supermarket and described me as being broken!!!

This has caused many problems...1} i now have had to go back on meds and i really didn't want to, basically i have had no say in the matter 2} i am now afraid of talking to my therapist and coorinator about my problems incase in gets back to my OT and he decides to chuck me off my course and 3} i am now recieving doctors letters requesting me to book an appointment...more interferience!!!
 
bert tomato

bert tomato

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 4, 2010
Messages
6,840
I have been on meds since 2001, and I have only really had the courage to go med free now. I attempted last year, but I wasn't able to do it. I am trying again now, but tbh I don't think I am ready. Take your time. I don't like the meds anymore that you, but it is something we have to go through. Trust them for now. When you are older and stronger try it then.
 
Raina Walks

Raina Walks

Well-known member
Joined
May 11, 2011
Messages
2,403
Hi,

I write about my past and what happened since nobody wants to hear about it or be able to comfort me...so I write it down and how it made me feel and makees me feel today. When I cannot write any more I talk about it into a digital tape recorder...i seem to need to have a record of what happened to me written or verbal and the professionals are not concerned with the details....they try to make me do mindfulness to live in the present...but I am haunted by the past and need to in some cases remember what happened....so I do it on my own just so I have my story straight. I find the having done that for three years my mind is not as cluttered and I am able to summarize parts of my life and what was happening in just a few simple sentences now...I can break it down into what I was really going through and why things happened the way they happened and what I could have done differently and what I would do differently to both prevent it from happening in the present and to protect my sanity if it happened in the present...so that is my story...I found that most of the work I did on my own...not so much with my team.

I also read self help books on trauma and completed the exercises...the usually involve a lot of writing exercises...when it was too painful to write I talked into the digital tape recorder to answer the many questions...that helped over the long term but it was draining while I did it. I feel lighter for having done that work though and am able to fight the voices better because I am doing this work on my own.

My team now roll their eyes when I bring up the voices which is very demoralizing. They don't want to hear about it anymore because they don,t understand it and have never experienced it themselves....it is a tough thing to have...the doctors said my voices are a result of trauma as well not schizophrenia....every day is a fight but now some days I win and medication gives me a good nights sleep albeit a short one...I refuse to let them put me on the hard stuff that will make me really sleepy
 
nutri

nutri

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 11, 2011
Messages
1,154
Location
UK
hi

I am in treatment for anorexia, i have been for years. I am now at a healthy weight but have therapy for the underlining reasons.
what type of therapy is this?

& why do you say that you have to go back on meds?
 
Last edited:
Raina Walks

Raina Walks

Well-known member
Joined
May 11, 2011
Messages
2,403
Hi,

Here in Toronto all trauma treatment that is offered avoids talking about the actual trauma...I have turned to self help books and to doing what they call remembering by talking into a tape recorder and making a record of what I remember about the experience and writing about it. This is work I have had to do on my own...there is nobody among the professionals that is prepared to help me with that. I have 15 perpetrators over 39 years so I had a lot to remember. I find the talking into a digital tape recorder and writing about the past to be like a cleansing. The problem with the remembering is that you hit pockets of rage which needs to be expressed safely...I go for long walks to burn off the energy or I exercise and sometimes I eat. Eating is a problem for me...I go from not eating to eating too much and I went through the purging stage too....now my major problem is eating at night. I am very conscious of my weight so eating too much is a problem...I have been both too thin and too heavy...I have been at both ends of the spectrum...now I am in the middle and fighting to stay there...it is a delicate dance and a difficult one...

I guess what I am saying is that i took matters into my own hand...sadly that does not make the journey any easier ... it is a rocky road and most of the time I am frustrated with my care team...they just never seem to be giving me what I need....they are just there...I have now come to the point where I am in control of my treatment and they just keep a record of my progress or what is happening with me.
 
O

OraTor

Guest
Hi,
I guess what I am saying is that i took matters into my own hand...sadly that does not make the journey any easier ... it is a rocky road and most of the time I am frustrated with my care team...they just never seem to be giving me what I need....they are just there...I have now come to the point where I am in control of my treatment and they just keep a record of my progress or what is happening with me.
Congratulations! I am a relative of a voice hearer. You take your matters into your own hands. This is what you are obliged and as well as able to do. The care team is like the referee in a soccer match. The referee can not get a goal. You are the player, you can get a goal. As I observe it with my relative, it is very important to listen when he wants to speak about the voices. So you need somebody you trust to speak about the voices. As I understood it you had to go through traumatic experiences and it might be that the voices
- try to formulate things you still can not formulate (you have still no language for this)
- try to lie in order to prevent you from realizing the truth
- follow from the accident of having been under far to strong pressure

It might also be that there is a mixture of voice characteristics. You will find out only during permanent work, speaking with others, comparing with reality, reorganizing your past. It took years before my relative could freely confess that the voices are malicious liars - whether the voices hear this and comment on it or not. Before that he feared some involvement of a real instance (government, administration, other people) in that mess and wanted to switch off that presumed external source. It is hard, also for the relative. It is also hard for the health team. If they are not open hearted and open minded and strong enough, they simply can not stand your reports about the voices. But nevertheless they are not useless. Work with them. They don't hide a solution from you, they simply don't have it. As I understand it, nobody has a solution to wipe out voices reliably. So you are one of many voice hearers working in the frontier of this hard, painful and daunting task to make voices manageable.
 
Boris

Boris

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 20, 2010
Messages
1,332
Location
UK
I fail to see how telling someone they are only fit for supermarket work, and that they are broken is going to help them over come any problems they might be having. It is true it could be that final nail in their coffin!!! Anyone who can make such a remark to someone vulnerable, is in my opinion guilty of gross misconduct, and not even fit to look after an animal, let alone raising children or looking after the sick! I also fail to understand why a so-called professional wouldn`t want to tackle the root causes of someone`s problems, and just medicate at greater cost, and keep medicating rather than curing, and guiding that person onto the road to success. The only possible thing I can think of is they are incompetent, and to keep them in their cosy little position they blame the meds, rather than take the responsibility and ownership for the position they are PAID for!
Self help is ok to a point, but if you only go through events on your own, how can you be sure every conclusion you have come to is the right one, and that every step you take after that conclusion is in your, and others` best interest? This is why it`s so important to be able to discuss things with someone who is mature, has your best interests at heart, and will keep any information divulged private.
 
O

OraTor

Guest
Anyone who can make such a remark to someone vulnerable, is in my opinion guilty of gross misconduct
This is true, I fully agree with you, but what can be done? Fighting against such stuff members is often "interpreted" as incomplete insight into the illness and as inappropriate co-operation (from the side of the patient). Therefore the best way is to have nothing to do with such stuff members. But if there is no choice? Already Eugen Bleuler found out, that the best way to cope with voices (at his time he coined the term "schizophrenia") is to conduct a normal, complete, straight life - and how can this be done? With good people of course, but nobody can be forced to be supportive or good. That's the dilemma with people. Bad action is so much easier than fine action.
 
D

directcornerkick

Guest
It seems like going to one person, GP might be better than
two in this case, a mental health professional not wanting to
work with/talk about a traumatic problem appears to be rather
unethical.
 
M

mister_anon

Guest
Have you ever had a person tell you that what you are experiencing is normal, a normal reaction to things? If not let me be the first to say that.

Medication is a solution when there are no other alternatives offered, it is a way out of the suffering. Use it if you feel inclined to do so, but don't if you have a shred of hope and people surrounding you that validate your experience and your reaction to it.

Far to often, supposedly normal people (even those with titles and and experience) do not do justice to a person that is experiencing an extreme states of mind, they simply do not because they cannot understand, so they usher us off in to "treatments" which are more aptly termed "Taming" than "Treatment". I suggest you look for and find people to surround yourself with that are not only interested in "taming" you but are willing to do the ground work, the grunt work to get you back on your own two feet. It is EXTREMELY hard to find and do not feel you are a loser if you go on medication for a time. Just be relentless in your search for empathy and compassion, if necessary look out side of the professional arena.

There is a reason why we react to things the way we do, it is natural and fully human. We picked this life to prove the opposite of our experience. The challenge is to make our lives greater than our experience.
 
D

directcornerkick

Guest
I know what you mean, someone who does not understand mental illness,
thinking the pain/suffering/anger/anxiety/depressions, etc, that a mentally ill
person is going through is just in there head or exaggerated or made up,
its hard.
 
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