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What to do

K

Keephope

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 19, 2020
Messages
65
Location
West Midlands
Hi guys,

I suffer with generized anxiety where I over think and worry about things.

I have been with my current girlfriend 8 months and we have a amazing bond.

The problem i have is that her close family aren't so nice, the are very selfish and out spoken, my partner decided to move 40 mins away from them to be with me as it made more financial sense, so they had a moan and were taking it all very personally. Since they seem to have been ok and have come to visit us.

The problem I have (and please be honest with your replies as I think its probably me overthinking and worrying) is that her neice who is 14 doesn't like me, I have tried to communicate with her about her interests and things which she does reply but then she comes out with insults, such as she don't like my clothing or my football team etc. Now I understand she is close to her auntie ( my partner) but I don't want the nasty comments aimed towards me, my partner and I had a chat about it and she said she would have a word but just thinks it would be pointless as its more likely to make things worse as they are so unreasonable.

Now to me I should enjoy being with my girlfriend and take this with a pinch of salt but my crazy mind won't let me and keeps overthinking it and creates all sorts of dreampt up problems for the future its so silly im in my 30's for godsake!

I have done cbt and also act therapy and I'm trying to stay in the present but it still wears me down.

I would be so grateful is somebody could give me some techniques etc to cope with this.
 
L

LokiPokey75

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 1, 2020
Messages
564
Location
United States
Hey Keephope!

That's a frustrating position to be in. I'd be pissed too! I think there are two things that you should try to do.

1.) See from the niece's perspective.

I don't know how close the niece is with your partner, but it may be like a sisterly bond. She may not like somebody new coming into the family and spending all the time with her auntie. People are always afraid of the things they don't know and her being so young, she's not really eager to get to know you if she sees you as a threat. You've only been with your girlfriend 8 months -- not a lot of time for the niece to feel like you'll become a permanent fixture of this family. There could be something small that's just throwing her off about you. Everybody's got their pet peeves. But don't change for her. Instead...

2.) Separate her judgment of you from your judgment of yourself.

It doesn't matter what this girl thinks. You're going to be with her auntie and that's it. She'll just have to get used to it. Keep treating her with respect and don't let her assessment of you bother you. There are just some people you can't please no matter what you do. Besides, your priority is not to please her; it's to please your partner. Once she sees that you're treating her auntie really good, maybe she'll come around. But if she doesn't, then that's her problem.

Keephope, keep on being the loving, kind person you are. If you don't have to be around her, don't. But don't let her insults bring you down. You partner loves you for a reason. Remember that!

Good luck to you and stay safe!
 
K

Keephope

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 19, 2020
Messages
65
Location
West Midlands
Hey Keephope!

That's a frustrating position to be in. I'd be pissed too! I think there are two things that you should try to do.

1.) See from the niece's perspective.

I don't know how close the niece is with your partner, but it may be like a sisterly bond. She may not like somebody new coming into the family and spending all the time with her auntie. People are always afraid of the things they don't know and her being so young, she's not really eager to get to know you if she sees you as a threat. You've only been with your girlfriend 8 months -- not a lot of time for the niece to feel like you'll become a permanent fixture of this family. There could be something small that's just throwing her off about you. Everybody's got their pet peeves. But don't change for her. Instead...

2.) Separate her judgment of you from your judgment of yourself.

It doesn't matter what this girl thinks. You're going to be with her auntie and that's it. She'll just have to get used to it. Keep treating her with respect and don't let her assessment of you bother you. There are just some people you can't please no matter what you do. Besides, your priority is not to please her; it's to please your partner. Once she sees that you're treating her auntie really good, maybe she'll come around. But if she doesn't, then that's her problem.

Keephope, keep on being the loving, kind person you are. If you don't have to be around her, don't. But don't let her insults bring you down. You partner loves you for a reason. Remember that!

Good luck to you and stay safe!
Wow what a fantastic reply this is thank you so much! I really really appreciate it! You have made me feel so so much better! See to me when things happen the gremlins in my head keep trying to scare me and tease me!

The girl did originally say that she feels like she's losing her auntie.

So I think I best cut her some slack and hopefully it wears off.

I'm just frustrated I can't sort my head on my own but I really do appreciate your help today 🙏
 
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