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What the hell is wrong with me?!

T

Tomasimo

New member
Joined
Nov 15, 2019
Messages
3
Location
Slovakia
have very little anxiety around other people I do not know and do care about. I feel comfortable waiting in McDonalds And ordering food. I can small talk with female receptionist. Heck I am even ok and calm when meeting new potential friends for the 1st time. This is important FOR THE FIRST TIME.
Well now if I had to meet that female receptionist next day I would get nervous. And it would gets worse and worse with each day we would met and talk. The problem is. This is how people suppouse to make friends, right? Meet some new people frequently and slowly enjoy each other more. I got it opposite. All my friendships are the opposite way. The more I meet with same person the more ackward I get. What the fck?

Thats the one issue. I have second one bigger. I sometimes feel enmabaressed in front of others for no reason at all(the people I meet more often) Nice representative example is what happened today. I met my “friend”(I met this guys probabaly 20times in my life and know him for 3-4years) with his 2 collegues I never met before, to play tennis. Everything ok. I can talk with these 2 new guys much better than with my “friend” because I can ask them things and get to know them, work, hobbies etc. As expected. And here comes my second issue. The issue that happens quite often to me these days. I told them I will take lighter clothing next time because its hot while playing. They like ok you have panths, and one of them asked something about them....and I already started to feel how I am getting red..and then I started to feel ashamed. Lol! They looked at me like wtf is going on. And I like wtf is going on?! Then we played more and sat down to have some drink. Then we were again chatting. My “friend” was telling something about some special drink he likes to drink and then told me to not to tell his girfriend... I was not sure why...I started to feel the hot again...I get red...they like wtf? ...I like wtf? Then I asked why, he told he is buying it as a present for his GF....ok no big deal....

Like seriously? Wtf? This is happening quite often. Not long time ago I embarssed myslef in front of my cousing for offering her a ride home! because she was too much surprised that I want to give her a ride.(there were more people from family around) Like looool? Or in front of a father of my wife when he simply asked while we were eating about something about our diet.
Like every now and then when there is more than two pair of eyes watching me and the attention is on me and I am not sure how to react I get red and feel ashamed!
This thing is killing me. I even get this feeling sometimes in front of my own parents and siblings or wife!
The worst is that everyone including me is like WTF why the hell are you feeling ashamed(thinking in their heads). And I do not know!
Then I re-experience this embarasement in my head for like a weeks - years! Yes I have memories from my embarasements from like 5 years ago.
I am tired of this. Its getting worse and worse. I am starting to be affraid of any social situation. Help pls. Anyhow.

I know that the “tennis meeting” from today I will be replaying for next few months in my head and I am already tired of it. Next time I will meet my “friend” again I will be even more ackward around him and here goes the spiral of death of my friendships..... He must be already regretting inviting me for the tennis and showing me to his friends

Bio : 38 years old, fit, good looking male, have title from college, I love my wife, I love my job, we are quite wealthy.
 
arodi007

arodi007

Member
Joined
Nov 13, 2019
Messages
10
Location
Mauritius
if that situation is recent, u could try to stimulate your brain like if u start to overthink(in a bad way) u could think of an enjoyable moment or repeat some words in your head(for me it my streets). else this gonna make a pattern in your brain ;x

personal question, did u talk your situation to your wife ? (just curious how your wife reacted koz i myself want a partner, hope i will get a wife when am older) ;x if u want to share ofc :D
 
T

Tomasimo

New member
Joined
Nov 15, 2019
Messages
3
Location
Slovakia
I tried to ignore/not think about my embarassing moments as much as I can. However I cant help it. If I emabrass myself recently I thing about it nonstop eventhough I try not. Its just overpowering:(
Yes I told my wife that I must have some defect because she saw me being embarased for no reason quite often. She always tell me that its normal and just wave hand. However I think she is puzzled by this also as usualy I am quite normal when I am just with her or with some unknown people etc.
This is such an annoyance for me. if only I could just ignore others I dont need them or am interested in them. but for some fcking reason my brain probably thinks that they are my cave-mates or whatever. Fck this.
 
Confusedandanxious

Confusedandanxious

Well-known member
Joined
May 5, 2019
Messages
780
Location
Uk
If this is new for you, then I would get a check up from your doctor. It could be a symptom from a more physical illness, and with treatment could fade away. You know, like bloods may be off slightly or something. I dont know, but best to get physical checked and ruled out first.

I understand the replaying moments that can continue on for years because I deal with them too. They have lessened over time, and I think that is mostly due to exposing myself to similar situations.
I used to avoid the situations that made me feel that way, now I dont and it's definitely helped.

Have you tried accepting how it is during those moments? Sometimes if I accept that I'm feeling anxious and acknowledge it, I feel slightly less anxious. I ride with it, rather than trying to fight it. So maybe try riding with it and see if that helps.
 
A

Annie794

Member
Joined
Nov 28, 2019
Messages
9
Location
United States
It may be helpful to write out all your thoughts and feelings in a journal. Hopefully your brain can rest and move on from those events after writing about it.
 
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