• Hi. It’s great to see you. Welcome!

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life. Amongst our membership there is a wealth of expertise that has been developed through having to deal with mental health issues.

    We are an actively moderated forum with a team of experienced moderators. We also have a specialist safety team that works extra hard to keep the forum safe for visitors and members.

    Register now to access many more features and forums!

What should you do if you really think you're unlikable?

Y

Y939

Guest
:( And how can you tell? I know that it's possible to imagine that people dislike you, with very little evidence, and that evidence can be misconstrued or exaggerated. But... how can you tell if you're imagining it or picking up on cues that people just aren't connecting with you?

I do have very low self esteem, and although there are a few parts of me that I genuinely like, I don't like my overall self. I think my aura/energy is dark. I think I'm aloof and unfriendly. I'm dry and sarcastic. When I'm nice, which I do think is a lot of the time, I think I'm stupid, moronic, and annoying. I assume my sense of humour is annoying, my jokes are annoying. I say unpredictable and even perverse things (why!). I just feel unlikable as a person. That makes me stay away from people and not get involved. I actually envision a life of solitude because no one will take to me! I think about how I should make my own entertainment and have real inner peace if I'm going to be alone.
 
J

johnadams73111

Member
Joined
Jun 20, 2018
Messages
8
That is what you think about yourself. but that might not be what others think of you, most people look at themselves in a negative way. but i bet there is more to you than you think :) if people like you awesome, if they dont who need them. just focus on yourself. if you ever need anyone to talk to im always here
 
C

Candy19

Guest
you sound exactly like me, I'm struggling to keep and make friends at the moment because of how I am

maybe it is the fact we are negative sometimes, the thing is I'm not the type of person to put on a happy face if I'm feeling down, I don't see why I should have to fake my emotions just so other people feel comfortable around me

sorry for talking about myself on your thread, just wanted you to know you aren't the only one
 
Anon_21

Anon_21

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 24, 2018
Messages
1,653
Location
US
Pixie, I think the main thing to remember is that people are wildly different. So actions or personalities that are annoying or "moronic" to some are pleasant and humorous to others.

I am like Melodiousa, never been one to fake it. I've had people hounding me my whole life to be more sociable, smile more, etc. I finally got sick of it and decided if they didn't like it they could sod off (like Johnadams said in a more tactful way lol).

Basically I decided to stop worrying about how others perceived me and let it flow. I married a wonderful man and have a loving family. So I know I am valued by the people who matter. I dont always love myself but I know others do and take comfort from that. So be proud and confident of who you are and dont try to change for anyone else. Based on what I've seen from the forum you seem like a lovely person :)
 
Poopy Doll

Poopy Doll

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 13, 2015
Messages
11,502
Location
Fort Lauderdale, Florida, USA
I do understand the advice herein to not change for other people. But I disagree because the verbal patterns and social attitudes we've acquired come from our dysfunctional families. Why would I want to talk like my mother, for example.

So when I realized people weren't able to relate to my correcting verbal patterns and my analyzing them to their face (people hate that) and my constant complaining, - - I decided to learn NEW verbal patterns and social skills.

Simultaneously with that decision, I was influenced by a Buddhist monk to develop more empathy/compassion for everyone, including myself.

So that helped me use the Rogerian Refection and Transactional Analysis better.
 
Y

Y939

Guest
I agree that what is "moronic" and annoying to one person is the height of humour to another person. Everybody is different. I think, realistically, everyone has potential friends because there will always be people on the same wavelength, with similar personalities. I hear some downright horrible-sounding people on my street, but they seem to have friends. :D People I've considered unlikable have had friends. So I guess I'm being unrealistic when I think about spending my life alone. I do feel very inept and immature, though. Like I'll never be able to relate to adults.

It does get complicated when you think about "being yourself" vs working on your flaws. If people do respond to you negatively and avoid you, does that mean there's something about you that needs changing? Should you change it? Or should you stay as you are, fully accepting of yourself, and say "Like it or lump it?" Maybe it depends who you've got in your life despite it? I have two best friends, I'm lucky because we are similar psychologically, but one day I might want some other friends too, and I feel quite ashamed of myself and reluctant to let anyone else know me. I fear I'm off-putting in some way to people. Social skills are important, but where's the line between social skills and personality? (I'm probably over-thinking this.)

Oh, and thank you Anon. :)
 
C

Candy19

Guest
It does get complicated when you think about "being yourself" vs working on your flaws. If people do respond to you negatively and avoid you, does that mean there's something about you that needs changing? Should you change it? Or should you stay as you are, fully accepting of yourself, and say "Like it or lump it?" Maybe it depends who you've got in your life despite it? I have two best friends, I'm lucky because we are similar psychologically, but one day I might want some other friends too, and I feel quite ashamed of myself and reluctant to let anyone else know me. I fear I'm off-putting in some way to people. Social skills are important, but where's the line between social skills and personality? (I'm probably over-thinking this.)
I guess it depends, you shouldn't change yourself for other people, but I guess if all your friendships are breaking down for a specific reason you could work on it or like you said just find people that are more compatible to how you are now
 
Anon_21

Anon_21

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 24, 2018
Messages
1,653
Location
US
It does get complicated when you think about "being yourself" vs working on your flaws. If people do respond to you negatively and avoid you, does that mean there's something about you that needs changing? Should you change it? Or should you stay as you are, fully accepting of yourself, and say "Like it or lump it?" Maybe it depends who you've got in your life despite it? I have two best friends, I'm lucky because we are similar psychologically, but one day I might want some other friends too, and I feel quite ashamed of myself and reluctant to let anyone else know me. I fear I'm off-putting in some way to people. Social skills are important, but where's the line between social skills and personality? (I'm probably over-thinking this.)

Oh, and thank you Anon. :)
You are quite welcome, Pixie. I'm an over-analyzer as well, and this paragraph sounds exactly like something I might say! As for the bolded sentence, i think there are two ways to look at it, and one of them is yours: seeing who you have in your life already. If you're pushing everyone away, you might need to adjust something. But having two very close friends means you are clearly likeable, and though I'm not always sure why, my husband and family clearly like me as well. So I think we are already off to a good start. I have a tendency to focus on my negatives and forget that there are plenty of good things about my personality too. So while we might need to tweak certain things here or there, we shouldn't feel obligated to pretend to be someone else just to conform to society. Sometimes being scorned or rejected by someone points to their flaws, not yours.

There are sooo many lines between personality and social skills. And part of my personality is not having good social skills :innocent: That's what I meant earlier when I said I decided to let people take it or leave it. I am shy, introverted, and serious, so I decided to let the world see that. At the same time, I do make an effort to smile and be polite. I ended up attracting a carefree, goofy husband. We work well together because our opposite personalities complement each other.

The fact that you are already this self-aware says a great deal about your own personality. The people who go around stomping on others don't care whether they are likeable or not. Have confidence in yourself and don't be afraid to let other people know the real you :)
 
Thread starter Similar threads Forum Replies Date
S People 1
T People 6
Top