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what should i do ?

Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2011
Messages
42,301
Location
Magical fairy wonderland xxxx
@EclipticNight hi ,this is really embarassing
but im going to say anyway
i have an infection in my tummy button
it may not sound like much but it is extremely painful and sore and bleeding
thanks for your reply x
 
Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2011
Messages
42,301
Location
Magical fairy wonderland xxxx
@CabbageMama thanks
im very miserable and unhappy right now
i phoned his aunt-he said he had one glass of wine when he left
he parked the car around the corner and got drunk

so he did not drive ,but i did not know that at the time
thank you for your support x
 
Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2011
Messages
42,301
Location
Magical fairy wonderland xxxx
i want to say
im not happy about talking about this on here
but i don't know what else to do
right now im in limbo since moving cmht waiting for them to sort things for me
im sorry if you feel i should not post about this
but i will lose it completely if i don't get this off my chest
i don't feel it is fair to talk about this in private message ,it would not be fair to others to take this on x
 
T

tiltawhirl3

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 30, 2010
Messages
5,780
Location
Bristol TN
I never meant to ever know anything about loving someone who abused alcohol, but I have done it more than once. The first time, I was so naive. Had no clue what was really going on. But based on your last post, addiction thrives in secrecy. and isolation.
I got to the point that I would not tolerate alcohol at all. But here I am with Scott. He told me that when he got back from the war (military) he drank himself into stupor for 10 years. These days he drinks 3 beers and says it helps him relax and sleep better. I did not touch alcohol for over a decade. Now I drink a few with him while we do music evenings. But only then and I do not see him every day.
He doesn't become argumentive or disorderly. His eyes crinkle up in laughter and we laugh together. for me, it helps me overcome my shyness.
If it ever became ugly..I would hate it beyond words, but I would have to act and do something about it. Starting with boundaries.
Love should not hurt. Not like that anyway!
 
stevie_sloth

stevie_sloth

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Mar 31, 2015
Messages
3,149
Location
Australia
So hard for you on lots of levels, but if you are going to continue your relationship like you have said you intend to, you are going to need to do more to protect yourself in it, lovely Fairy. Because it very much sounds like you are getting pushed harder and more since the really quite recent explosions and apologies and agreements to work better together. You cannot take responsibility for someone else's drinking or what they choose to do when they drink. Your partner admits they have problems, but is well aware of yours. They know the impact of their drinking on you and they certainly know the impact of a situation like last night on you. Perhaps it was not clear when if they were drunk, perhaps it was. Nobody's place to judge, but something you and they should be considering. An apology today means nothing without a plan or some action to try and minimise the impact of such behaviour in the future. Not ideal for him. And you sure as hell deserve better.
100,000% agree
 
Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2011
Messages
42,301
Location
Magical fairy wonderland xxxx
thanks
what i don't get is ,why he doesn't see in me anymore what some others seem to see me
his aunt told me last night she thinks i am sweet and she has come to love me
my sister just told me on the phone she loved me and thanked me for being so supportive


i feel like he just has hatred for me at times now
i have known for a while im second best

im so stuck
im literally not knowing what to do anymore

not just the drinking ,which he says is not a problem

but knowing im not loved by him as i once was
i feel it
i can feel it and it hurts x
 
O

Orangeade

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 23, 2021
Messages
1,739
Location
England
thanks
what i don't get is ,why he doesn't see in me anymore what some others seem to see me
his aunt told me last night she thinks i am sweet and she has come to love me
my sister just told me on the phone she loved me and thanked me for being so supportive


i feel like he just has hatred for me at times now
i have known for a while im second best

im so stuck
im literally not knowing what to do anymore

not just the drinking ,which he says is not a problem

but knowing im not loved by him as i once was
i feel it
i can feel it and it hurts x
Do you think you can have an open conversation with him about how you’re feeling? Im sending you love lu x
 
F

flabbergasted

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 12, 2021
Messages
396
Location
usa
Hi Lu - -- It's the booze talking.....it changes people when they drink tooo much. The "brain" is drunk...they say things that they would never say when sober....then, when they quit drinking and sober up, they feel like crap both physically and mentally...and they get extremely defensive when called out on their behavior because they know they have a problem down deep and don't want to admit to it or hear about it. They are in denial until ready to admit they need help...

Living with someone like that can make you feel like they don't care about you because they do say things they don't mean and would never say when sober...sometimes cruel things.

He does see what everyone else sees in you - the love everyone has for you --- when his brain is not drunk..it's almost like living with 2 separate people in 1 body....they can be the sweetest most romantic person when sober and then rude, obnoxious, like someone you don't even know when drunk...

Sorry you are going thru this and I'm hoping he will soon admit he has a problem and maybe get help or cut back on his own so you can have that great guy back in your life....Hugs, and wishing you the best.
 
Tawny

Tawny

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Nov 10, 2019
Messages
13,536
Location
England
Let Kitty Cattitude help
 
Tawny

Tawny

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England
@Fairy Lucretia This is good, he is not stupid enough to drive far thankfully. I hope his engine is off and keys are out of the ignition. Are you going to walk around?
 
Tawny

Tawny

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13,536
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England
Drinking is a sign that i am not coping. I cannot cope when i am unwell. Maybe, if he has bipolar disorder, this is why he is not doing well and drinking.

You must have been very worried.

I'm sorry about kitty cattitude. You could show it to him and maybe he will laugh :) can he still laugh?

Is he taking his mood stabiliser? They don't work as well when drinking.

I'm really disappointed your psychiatric referrals are so slow. Maybe you could call for his to come sooner.
 
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