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What Should I Do?

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Crazyjester

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Mar 10, 2012
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74
Last year I met someone from another forum. This person contacted me via private message during psych ward treatment, offering me support. We met shortly after the treatment ended. I added this person to my Facebook, we met a few times. The person was nice and supportive until hitting a crisis him/herself. This person became too important to me, but during her/his own crisis turned cold and distant. I suggested we took a break and after saying something silly, this person said something mean and I removed him/her from friends. I apologized the best I could and this person said that we'll get back to this later. I thanked this person, said she/he was important and that I acted selfishly etc. I tried contacting this person later to no avail so I contacted this friend's friend. Immediately after doing so, the friend's friend tattled. My so-called friend was hostile and demanded me to step back, leave his/her friend alone and stop making contact.

We had many things coming up, such as a meeting with other forum members. I know I didn't do anything unforgivable and was left confused as to why I was backstabbed like that. Backstabbed, because there were a lot of promises this person made, stuff coming in the future and I got shit on big time.

This person claimed to have a certain mental illness, but I'm certain it's not the only problem he/she has. Later I found out this person had been lying to me about other forum members maliciously. I had proof in our FB chats, but impulsively removed them. My blood has absolutely been boiling for a long time. I have a grudge and feelings of deep, unrelenting hatred towards this person. I see this person as evil, horrible human being. Possibly either a narcissist or a psychopath. One of the lies involved my friend and it was clear defamation, a crime of which I have no proof.

I've pretty much lost the last of my peace of mind even on the forum I once considered a safe haven. Before that I had no peace of mind outside my house. I'm constantly paranoid, bear grudges indefinitely so my doctor diagnosed me with Paranoid Personality Disorder. I used to have pure BPD and still have deep emotional problems. Right now Paranoid Personality Disorder suits me better.
 
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Crazyjester

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Joined
Mar 10, 2012
Messages
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So I have problems writing on the forum about my own life, which I used to do, because this person can read everything I write. I asked admin for help, but admin can't stop this person from accessing a topic. It's some simple site I guess.. Hypocrisy at worst, this person demanded I won't ask about his/her life from anyone again. I know this person has been reading about my life, because I once provoked her/him. He/she became paranoid, fearing I was referencing him/her. Now I have no 100% evidence that this person has been lying, but this person has done so without a doubt. I'm not delusional. I have some printscreens suggesting this person has been a pain for other forum members as well. This is why I have been extremely worried about my own reputation. Defaming is a serious non-violent crime.
 
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Crazyjester

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Mar 10, 2012
Messages
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I don't know who I can trust, because this person claimed to have arranged meetings before. Because this person is capable, has leverage and some power on the forum, I feel crippled. Now if this person wanted to, all it takes it one meeting to ruin my reputation even a little bit. Telling lies about me is something that will not go without serious consequences. But I've also been very afraid to ask around, to see if anyone's heard anything. I've been insulted too many times not to feel paranoid about an upcoming insult.

I have been contacting some forum members, and have shared this story to few I'm trying to meet. I've been reading about their lives for a few years and they all seem nice and quite sensitive. It's still a work in progress trying to meet these certain people, but I think doing so might help me get over this shit a little faster.
 
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Crazyjester

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Mar 10, 2012
Messages
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Meeting people there is standard routine. Maybe not here, but there it is. I have never been able to go to any of the public meetings, but have managed to meet a few 1 on 1. The thing is I know it's a bit off, but I'm in no position to meet people. I can't work or study. These are the "normal places" people find others.

Also, from now on I'm the only one approaching. If someone I haven't known long enough tries to approach me, it's a no-go. The scary part about this person was that he/she read my stuff for a long time. It didn't come out of the blue, not that much. This person built up trust with me and then fucked me sideways. Why did she/he turn against me? Will I ever get to know what the fuck I did to deserve that treatment in this piece of shit situation I'm stuck in? I don't normally blame others, but it was a salt bag in my wounds. No better way to describe it. And yes, this person did turn AT LEAST one person against me. I've never felt so deranged from anger. The only thing I can actually think of DOING was that I was being too much of a bother.
 
Kerome

Kerome

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Sep 29, 2013
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I agree Nikita, a certain amount of caution is called for on a mental health forum. There are lots of people in distress, but also some who can be emotional when in crisis, or some who are malicious or even dangerous. To build a circle of friends out of them is a risky proposition and likely to be more than usually full of drama. It might be better to remain anonymous.

In terms of what you can do, turning people against eachother is not so easy, people can be persuaded one way and then another. You can try to persuade them back. Or you can open the whole thing up, just discuss honestly what has happened with everyone. I'm not sure what else to say, most of these things have consequences.

Mostly you probably need to be aware of your own reactions. Acting out of a desire for revenge, trying to get your gram, is probably not going to end well. I'd advise looking after your own inner balance first of all, and then trying to address things from a standpoint of an ordinary, reasonable person.
 
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Crazyjester

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Does it really matter where you meet people? People tell you what they choose to tell you wherever you meet them. A forum, dating service, school, work place, bar. In real life the meetings went very well. On the internet is where it started to go apeshit. And it was bad for maybe like, I don't know, a few days? But yeah, I was naive and stupid to believe him/her. Total bullshit, most things this person said.
 

MarlieeB

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I think that if you were to meet someone you have to make sure 100% that you trust them and know that the meeting won't trigger any MH issues with you.

I have met someone on a chat I am a mod on and I am holidaying with someone from the same chat in April but when I first met the person I made sure it was in public and the same with the person who I'm holidaying with. I don't think you can get any more public than Disney World lol.

If I were to ever meet someone from here what I said in the first paragraph would count xxx
 
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Crazyjester

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Mar 10, 2012
Messages
74
Mostly you probably need to be aware of your own reactions. Acting out of a desire for revenge, trying to get your gram, is probably not going to end well. I'd advise looking after your own inner balance first of all, and then trying to address things from a standpoint of an ordinary, reasonable person.
I know, but I can't get an inner balance atm. My therapy ended quite a while ago and they're planning on starting antipsychotics soon. Anyhow I have to be careful because this person remains calm and calculative in bad situations. I've almost managed to mess up. These days I'm afraid of my reactions because I'm not angry, I'm downright bitter and hateful. I've never done any criminal stuff, but I swear to God I could choke a motherfucker. Too many people have "gotten away with it" or something. I don't get my luck really. Considering how often I meet people (very rarely) I've managed to interest an unbelievable amount of assholes.
 
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Crazyjester

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Mar 10, 2012
Messages
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Nikita said:
Well there is your answer then,it isn't the same meeting them from the beginning in real life that it is meeting them online first.I feel it is your decision but in real life you have the chance to meet people who aren't mentally ill too and it might be easier if only one half of the friendship or partnership has such issues.
It might be easier, who knows? Ironically it seems very difficult for me to see anyone who isn't a little bit crazy. The only non-mentally ill friends I have are my old ones. I have a few I consider 100% trustworthy. And if it isn't obvious, I really don't have a life. I go outside maybe 2-4 times a day, tops. I take semi-long walks and do some gymnastics. I have no interest in group hobbies. I'm a loner.

Nikita said:
If it was only bad for a few days,are you perhaps making too much of this and taking it all far too seriously?Maybe you can address the misconceptions and lies about you and reassure people of the truth and salvage the situation.Just avoid the person who was lying and full of bullshit.
It was good for way longer than bad for a few days. Also, there aren't any lies I currently know of. These kinds of things aren't made public on a forum. Meetings on the other hand is where bullshit gossip like there's no tomorrow.

Thanks for replying everyone. I guess I'm a little fucked up in the head, but it's something I've always managed to see.
 
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Crazyjester

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Mar 10, 2012
Messages
74
And yes, I've stayed away from this person. I have told this person to avoid contacting me as well.
 
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