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What Outsiders May Not Understand about Depression

FindingTheMeaning

FindingTheMeaning

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Aug 7, 2019
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Just thought I might share something I think about when it comes to dealing with my depression.

I read a lot of articles stating that depressed people isolate themselves and that makes the depression worse. I'm not arguing with that but I think it goes deeper. They explain it as if it is as simple as walking outside and talking to someone or sharing your deepest thoughts and feelings with someone. For me the reason is not as simple as "I feel worthless and no one wants to talk to me or help me." I wish it was.

For myself I don't want people to help me because I fear something different. I fear that someone will want to help and will fail. As depressed people know, it is incredibly hard to set goals and find the motivation to do so. So setting up this expectation that the people offering help will ACTUALLY help is a risk. A risk I find too heartbreaking to take. Yes, I trust therapists and such but even then I fear telling them certain things.

Anyways, I have no idea if this is true for anyone else but for people who are trying to help a depressed person keep in mind its hard for them to share things even if deep down they want to. Also I find questions like "How are you?" are far less personable as "Are you ok?" Rarely does someone ever ask me that.
 
Someoldguy

Someoldguy

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Joined
Jul 26, 2019
Messages
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fly over country, USA
I get upset and literally have 2 sides of an argument in my own mind. I'll get so angry I want to smash things to pieces, and sometimes I do.
More often, I'll text someone, friend or family and proceed to vent the most awful things.
So, now I've lost my friends and none of my family will speak to me any more.

I've isolated myself quite effectively, but it really isn't what I was trying to do. It's like a tornado. I never know when the storm will strike, but the results are always the same. Lots of devastation and shock and awe for all involved, including myself.

I never intended for any of this to happen, and I seem to be completely unable to control it, let alone stop it.

Depression is VERY painful for me, and I react to pain with anger.

I wish I didn't.
 
FindingTheMeaning

FindingTheMeaning

Active member
Joined
Aug 7, 2019
Messages
26
Location
USA
I get upset and literally have 2 sides of an argument in my own mind. I'll get so angry I want to smash things to pieces, and sometimes I do.
More often, I'll text someone, friend or family and proceed to vent the most awful things.
So, now I've lost my friends and none of my family will speak to me any more.

I've isolated myself quite effectively, but it really isn't what I was trying to do. It's like a tornado. I never know when the storm will strike, but the results are always the same. Lots of devastation and shock and awe for all involved, including myself.

I never intended for any of this to happen, and I seem to be completely unable to control it, let alone stop it.

Depression is VERY painful for me, and I react to pain with anger.

I wish I didn't.
I feel that. People say they want to listen and be there for you but I don't think they understand the deep pain that revolves around it all. The thoughts that come into our minds are very dark and sometimes hurtful. Then slowly when you start to vent these things, people disappear :(
 
Someoldguy

Someoldguy

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Joined
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Messages
363
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fly over country, USA
Exactly. Which causes more pain, which causes more anger, which causes more depression, and on and on it goes.

I never wanted to be like this. I'd certainly stop immediately if I could or knew how.

It's anything but fun for me, either. In fact, it's easily the most painful condition I've ever encountered.
 
FindingTheMeaning

FindingTheMeaning

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USA
Yeah :(

All my life I've been able to solve things with logic and knowledge and sadly depression can not be tamed with such. I'm trying to understand emotional tenure so I can combat it but everytime I try I seem to make things worse. Why do the bad things make so much more sense than the good things? I just have too many questions I fear will never be answered.

Btw I have literally told family members and very close friends that they should forget about me because I don't want to cause them pain. I can't tolerate seeing anyone else be affected by my condition. Its funny how the exact thing we need to help us also happens to require someone of resilient nature otherwise it feeds the loop because eventually they break and leave us.
 
Someoldguy

Someoldguy

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Messages
363
Location
fly over country, USA
I can completely understand your views on logic and sense. I've always relied on myself and my reasoning abilities to get me through life.
But then, I found my infallible logic seemed to be betraying me somehow, and I struggled greatly trying to understand what was happening. And soon I discovered that the ONE person I always knew I could rely upon was suddenly unreliable and was in fact saying and doing things detrimental to me.

That person is myself.

I don't know if I'll ever completely sort this out.
 
FindingTheMeaning

FindingTheMeaning

Active member
Joined
Aug 7, 2019
Messages
26
Location
USA
I can completely understand your views on logic and sense. I've always relied on myself and my reasoning abilities to get me through life.
But then, I found my infallible logic seemed to be betraying me somehow, and I struggled greatly trying to understand what was happening. And soon I discovered that the ONE person I always knew I could rely upon was suddenly unreliable and was in fact saying and doing things detrimental to me.

That person is myself.

I don't know if I'll ever completely sort this out.
I truly believe our greatest enemy is ourselves. This is cheesy but the logic from the movie Inception makes a lot of sense. "An idea is like a virus. Resilient. Highly contagious. And even the smallest seed of an idea can grow. It can grow to define or destroy you." So if we grow to feed the same idea about depression (or other core beliefs) and convince ourselves wholeheartedly it is true we throw ourselves into a pit we can not climb out of. When I was first noticing depression I thought day in and day out until one day it won. I had no answer. Then months later I finally realized the answer was something extremely hard to achieve. It requires someone or some experience to replace the thoughts and rewire the base constructs we live our lives based off of. I just have no idea if this will ever happen to me and until then I subconsciously keep building a case against myself that makes it harder and harder. I really wish I was unable to comprehend a lot of things. Ignorance would truly be bliss.
 
Someoldguy

Someoldguy

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Messages
363
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fly over country, USA
I've been doing better the past month or so than I have for a very long time.

It's not much comfort though. I don't know what started the depression, what is relieving it, or when it might come back.

Meanwhile, I try to enjoy each day as much as I can.
 
Someoldguy

Someoldguy

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 26, 2019
Messages
363
Location
fly over country, USA
I truly believe our greatest enemy is ourselves. This is cheesy but the logic from the movie Inception makes a lot of sense. "An idea is like a virus. Resilient. Highly contagious. And even the smallest seed of an idea can grow. It can grow to define or destroy you." So if we grow to feed the same idea about depression (or other core beliefs) and convince ourselves wholeheartedly it is true we throw ourselves into a pit we can not climb out of. When I was first noticing depression I thought day in and day out until one day it won. I had no answer. Then months later I finally realized the answer was something extremely hard to achieve. It requires someone or some experience to replace the thoughts and rewire the base constructs we live our lives based off of. I just have no idea if this will ever happen to me and until then I subconsciously keep building a case against myself that makes it harder and harder. I really wish I was unable to comprehend a lot of things. Ignorance would truly be bliss.
I'm not sure I understand what you mean by replace/rewire the basic constructs we live our lives off of.
I have learned that I had to learn how to accept things for what they are. This includes people. I can't make anyone do anything. I can't even make myself do anything. But I can recognize that reacting and/or behaving in certain ways brings about results and consequences that I find hurtful/unpleasant. The one thing that was really vexing me for a long time was that I believed I had to vigorously oppose things I did not agree with constantly and consistently. In my mind, to do otherwise was to condone and approve of whatever the thing or idea was. Once I learned that it was possible to accept things for what they are what they are without having to approve of those things, life became considerably easier for me.

I'm still a work in progress. I expect I always will be.

You can PM me if you like. I hope I've helped you in some small way. I've enjoyed our conversation.
 
FindingTheMeaning

FindingTheMeaning

Active member
Joined
Aug 7, 2019
Messages
26
Location
USA
I'm not sure I understand what you mean by replace/rewire the basic constructs we live our lives off of.
I have learned that I had to learn how to accept things for what they are. This includes people. I can't make anyone do anything. I can't even make myself do anything. But I can recognize that reacting and/or behaving in certain ways brings about results and consequences that I find hurtful/unpleasant. The one thing that was really vexing me for a long time was that I believed I had to vigorously oppose things I did not agree with constantly and consistently. In my mind, to do otherwise was to condone and approve of whatever the thing or idea was. Once I learned that it was possible to accept things for what they are what they are without having to approve of those things, life became considerably easier for me.

I'm still a work in progress. I expect I always will be.

You can PM me if you like. I hope I've helped you in some small way. I've enjoyed our conversation.
Will do, I’ll explain there.
 
J

JCPraha

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Joined
Aug 27, 2018
Messages
520
Really, no one who has not experienced depression or mental health issues themselves and really understand what a majorly depressed person is going through. They have absolutely no clue and it is a waste of time to try to explain it to them. That is my experience.
 
Parayana

Parayana

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Jan 22, 2012
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I've tried to explain about Schizophrenia and depression to people who haven't experienced it and and they don't understand they think it's just feeling a bit sad or hearing voices so @JCPraha and others have a point.
 
P

Pollypop

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Joined
Jul 23, 2015
Messages
1,117
Location
England. Derbyshire
i totally agree that someone who has not suffered depression will never
understand it.
The feelings of despair, the split second mood change etc can only
be felt by the person who has it.

Even the “professionals” can’t understand what it FEELS like, no matter how many
words we use to describe it. IMO.
 
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