What mental disorder/illness does this sound like to you?

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emilyann16

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I am aware something is wrong with me but I can’t put my finger on what it is. I am conscious of this issue considering it has been present for a little over 6 years now but the past 3 years have been the worst.

• when I feel hurt/insecure in a relationship, I lash out in anger and start shouting profanity or I push them away stating I never want to see them again, although, within 10 minutes I regret it
•after having these episodes, I start thinking I’ve lost them and they have abandoned me
• a slight change in my love interest’s affection or attitude towards me leaves me thinking they completely hate me and they want me to die
•I am quite calm most of the time, but issues regarding interpersonal relationships trigger my extreme mood swings, anger outbursts etc
•every now and then, I feel emotionally empty and I’m incapable of crying. I can’t smile properly either. I haven’t smiled genuinely for 2 months.
•I lie in bed and I sometimes act out dying, I act out having seizures and I feel like a mental patient when doing so... it’s usually after I’ve been thinking about stuff and I get angry and I start throwing myself around like a rag doll
•all my relationships are unstable
•I don’t know what’s socially acceptable or not
•I’m not aware of boundaries between myself and others and I cross them often because I believe that it’s normal to show love even if it’s seen as socially unacceptable
•I feel things in extremes. Somebody’s minor blues is my “end of the world”
•I’m overly dramatic... well, to me it’s either life or death but people believe i am irrational
•2 of my biggest fears; I’m scared of time moving on, being forgotten about and I’m VERY scared of getting turned against or left alone by certain favourite, close people.
•I isolate myself from certain people (presumably to get a reaction) and I want it to have an impact on them
•not so much anymore, but in the past I would love somebody so much and then a bad thought/memory of them would come into mind and then I’ll suddenly hate them out of the blue
•I am an over-sharer, I am an open book. I don’t know what’s acceptable to share and what’s not but I could tell a stranger all about my problems and my bowel habits.
•I have impulsive thoughts, sometimes I think about escaping and running away
•I feel trapped in my mind and I can’t get away, I drive myself mental
•I feel distant, I feel like I’m not directly looking through my eyes.. I feel like I’m looking through a TV screen
•as mentioned earlier, I sometimes feel empty and detached
•I have mood swings, many times in the past I have planned to end my life and then when I finally have everything set up, I start making up fake scenarios in my mind and I start laughing at them - in result, my mood lifts. It’s like a defence mechanism my brain has created.
•I change my mind a lot, within seconds.

I know that was long and I apologise. I just need some help? Can anybody relate? Does anybody know what this sounds like?

I have been diagnosed with a few things in the past but they have all been dropped and categorised under “misdiagnosis”.

Thank you x
 
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dragonboy46

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I wish I had a degree in Psychiatry. Are you on Psychiatric meds? If so, they may be your problem. I need to understand exactly what's going on.. Have you tried counseling?

I'm here for you. Talk to me :)

I don't believe in Psychiatry, I believe in People.

Whatever you're going through right now will pass. No matter how dark it gets, there's always a light at the end of the tunnel.
 
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Zoe1

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its good writing
you could sent it to Mind

not sure I could diagnose someone without being a psychiatrist

most of it sounds like me
and I have paranoid schizophrenia ... apparently ...
ive often wondered if thats the wrong diagnosis
and if I have a personality disorder instead or both

my medication has made all these symptoms a bit more manageable

the emo stuff is very me
I get bouts of emotion that I cant tolerate

also we are not just a diagnosis
my therapist tries to take me on a trip away from my diagnosis
to a human being who has had some unbearable circumstances
and actually had normal reactions
to unacceptable situations

in a way I think the diagnosis is only useful
to make sure we get help, not to define who we are

:grouphug:
 
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trying_my_best

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That sounds exactly like me ,I’ve been diagnosed with depression and anxiety and treated for that for 20 years but after it never improving and friendships and relationships being affected I started to try and figure myself out and do a lot of reading as getting a proper diagnosis is impossible,I started to read about bpd and that to me ticked my boxes and I could relate to everything,I’m in no position to offer a diagnosis but I’ve been in your position so trying to help ,I’d recommend reading up in this personality disorder ,
Hope you find some help
 
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emilyann16

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That sounds exactly like me ,I’ve been diagnosed with depression and anxiety and treated for that for 20 years but after it never improving and friendships and relationships being affected I started to try and figure myself out and do a lot of reading as getting a proper diagnosis is impossible,I started to read about bpd and that to me ticked my boxes and I could relate to everything,I’m in no position to offer a diagnosis but I’ve been in your position so trying to help ,I’d recommend reading up in this personality disorder ,
Hope you find some help
I was diagnosed with BPD when I was 16 but they dropped the diagnosis, I thought it fit me quite well as I fit 7 out of the 9 criteria. They dropped the diagnosis because they didn’t want to help, it was easier for them to pretend I never had it. It would’ve cost them more money to treat considering it’s a more complex illness.

If you don’t mind me asking, how old are you now? And have things alleviated or are you still suffering? And thank you, I wish you the best
 
Parayana

Parayana

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I'm diagnosed with Paranoid Schizophrenia despite having none of the cognitive impairment associated with the disorder, last time I saw my Psychiatrist he said you have a nasty, psychotic illness but didn't mention Schizophrenia, I know someone who is very upper middle class and had a successful career in IT before his ilnnes, he was diagnosed with psychosis not otherwise specified, which sounds more like what I suffer from.
 
Parayana

Parayana

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@fazza, I'm aware I'm psychotic and take myself off to the Doc's or hospital but they still say Schizophrenia.
 
fazza

fazza

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I have schizophrenia but I do not have hardly the the symptoms that you are sufferering. Also you are aware of the problems that you are facing this kinda but not in all circumstances rules out psychosis.

.
Insight is lost in a lot of cases of psychosis but not all. That's why I said but not in all cicumstances
 
daffy

daffy

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I’m like fazza whenever I get psychotic I don’t know. I believe my reality is the truth and that everyone is conspiring against me. And no one can convince me that I’m ill.
 
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emilyann16

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I wish I had a degree in Psychiatry. Are you on Psychiatric meds? If so, they may be your problem. I need to understand exactly what's going on.. Have you tried counseling?

I'm here for you. Talk to me :)

I don't believe in Psychiatry, I believe in People.

Whatever you're going through right now will pass. No matter how dark it gets, there's always a light at the end of the tunnel.
I took aripiprazole, sertraline, quetiapine but I’m no longer on them because they didn’t help.

I’ve been at mental health services for 6 years (ever since I was 13)

And thank you for your support :hug:
 
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trying_my_best

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I was diagnosed with BPD when I was 16 but they dropped the diagnosis, I thought it fit me quite well as I fit 7 out of the 9 criteria. They dropped the diagnosis because they didn’t want to help, it was easier for them to pretend I never had it. It would’ve cost them more money to treat considering it’s a more complex illness.

If you don’t mind me asking, how old are you now? And have things alleviated or are you still suffering? And thank you, I wish you the best
I’m 38 now ,was diagnosed with Anxiety and depression just before my 18th birthday ,over the years I’ve been put on all the various meds and dosages ,had counselling which never helped as they constantly ask a reason why you feel that way or ask what will make you feel better ,but don’t actually listen to what you say ,so I give up after 8 hours of that ,I still suffer now and have tried various routes to get help but as you say it’s a money saving exercise for them as it’s an invisible illness they don’t take it seriously ,at one point a Gp agreed I had all the traits of Bpd and referred me to a mental health team -I then got a telephone assessment and told well be in touch 🙄 it’s my black an white thinking that makes life hard and the affect on friendships and relationships,like you I care too much and when it’s not reciprocated it destroys me
I’m here if you need to talk or just vent without judgement as that’s the hardest part of mental illness for me ,not being understood or mocked ,remember your not alone with how you feeling and let no one judge you
 
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emilyann16

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I’m 38 now ,was diagnosed with Anxiety and depression just before my 18th birthday ,over the years I’ve been put on all the various meds and dosages ,had counselling which never helped as they constantly ask a reason why you feel that way or ask what will make you feel better ,but don’t actually listen to what you say ,so I give up after 8 hours of that ,I still suffer now and have tried various routes to get help but as you say it’s a money saving exercise for them as it’s an invisible illness they don’t take it seriously ,at one point a Gp agreed I had all the traits of Bpd and referred me to a mental health team -I then got a telephone assessment and told well be in touch 🙄 it’s my black an white thinking that makes life hard and the affect on friendships and relationships,like you I care too much and when it’s not reciprocated it destroys me
I’m here if you need to talk or just vent without judgement as that’s the hardest part of mental illness for me ,not being understood or mocked ,remember your not alone with how you feeling and let no one judge you
We’ve both been through a lot by the sounds of it. And yes I agree, it’s an invisible illness and it’s just easier for them to pretend it’s not there. Thank you, I’m here for you too any time — that’s my problem too, I constantly think people will misinterpret me, or won’t understand what I’m trying to say.

I want it to go soon, however. For the both of us. It’s a living nightmare, people complain about how tiring it is to be around me and I feel like saying “well, imagine being me... how tiring it would be trapped in my mind”.

:hug::hug:
 
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trying_my_best

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We’ve both been through a lot by the sounds of it. And yes I agree, it’s an invisible illness and it’s just easier for them to pretend it’s not there. Thank you, I’m here for you too any time — that’s my problem too, I constantly think people will misinterpret me, or won’t understand what I’m trying to say.

I want it to go soon, however. For the both of us. It’s a living nightmare, people complain about how tiring it is to be around me and I feel like saying “well, imagine being me... how tiring it would be trapped in my mind”.

:hug::hug:
thank you ,what part of the world are you from ? do you find getting help possible ?if you could change one or two things out of everything what would your choices be ?
i can relate to people understanding ,my answer is normally they would have nightmares if they could see in my head with what i have to deal with daily ,my last girlfriend ,who ill admit broke me described me as a weirdo to a guy she was betraying me with because of how i think and said she lost respect for me for treating her nice ,i think the lack of understanding and people dismissing how hard it is to cope feeling as we do is one of the most difficult parts of life .
 

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