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What makes you SH?

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george81

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 21, 2019
Messages
164
Location
UK
For me it's a horrible feeling of strong emotions, feeling useless and disgusting, pathetic. Sometimes angry, sometimes at other people because I haven't got the balls to tell them how I feel or argue with them so I hurt myself instead. Always there is a strong feeling of guilt. It's better to feel physical pain than mental pain as well. The feelings build up until they are so strong I must do it. It really hurts me when people say I do it 'for attention'. I can't believe how small minded and clueless some people must be. It makes me want to do it more. Being made to feel stupid and to blame for everything also makes me SH x
 
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Daringdan

Well-known member
Joined
May 8, 2020
Messages
159
Location
Louisville, Ky
I hope you get to feeling better. For me I can emotionally harm myself for not living up to standards. I put myself through loneliness and guilt. It can be good to be with family or friends but sometimes they can make it worse. I'm always trying to find the right remedy to fit the situation like a walk, expressive writing or reading. I hope you can find the right remedy.
 
Scapes1986

Scapes1986

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 10, 2020
Messages
2,720
Location
Planet Mercury
I reach the point of sh a lot these days but I try not to act. I’ve got several methods of emotionally harming myself but none are really worth it anymore. I hope to stay on this track because a lot of times I self sabatoge and get screwed up in the head. Not thinking and being spontaneous is a downfall.
 
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Ty0889

New member
Joined
Sep 28, 2020
Messages
4
Location
Florida
I'm kinda the same as the op. Strong emotions and thinking that I'm always the problem always causes me to sh. I hope that you get better.
 
Murasakibee

Murasakibee

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 25, 2020
Messages
328
Location
Midwest USA
Sorry you all are suffering.

When I use to sh, it was because I felt so much anger at myself and my family but I would be shamed for my anger plus I didn't want to upset my nephew so I handled it with sh instead.

It takes everything in me not to sh, I wish to remain clean. I also use to do it for attention, that's what it started out as but still no one paid attention. Kinda sad, and very selfish of me I know. Every person I've spoken to in the past is trying to break the stigma of "they just want attention " but when I started, that's what I wanted mostly. It quickly morphed into a relief and a coping mechanism and became addictive. I don't like the person I was back then but I'm starting to learn more about her, and why things happened. I need to learn so I can move on with my life, but still it's a tough battle.

Anger is a big part of my life, but I have started realizing this quote is true.
"I sat with my anger ling enough, I realized her real name was grief. "

The thing I was grieving the most was my old happy life, and I'm having to confront that. Its hard. But once I move past this grief hopefully my life can stabilize.
 
Scapes1986

Scapes1986

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 10, 2020
Messages
2,720
Location
Planet Mercury
Sorry you all are suffering.

When I use to sh, it was because I felt so much anger at myself and my family but I would be shamed for my anger plus I didn't want to upset my nephew so I handled it with sh instead.

It takes everything in me not to sh, I wish to remain clean. I also use to do it for attention, that's what it started out as but still no one paid attention. Kinda sad, and very selfish of me I know. Every person I've spoken to in the past is trying to break the stigma of "they just want attention " but when I started, that's what I wanted mostly. It quickly morphed into a relief and a coping mechanism and became addictive. I don't like the person I was back then but I'm starting to learn more about her, and why things happened. I need to learn so I can move on with my life, but still it's a tough battle.

Anger is a big part of my life, but I have started realizing this quote is true.
"I sat with my anger ling enough, I realized her real name was grief. "

The thing I was grieving the most was my old happy life, and I'm having to confront that. Its hard. But once I move past this grief hopefully my life can stabilize.
You sound almost like you’ve over come this. That makes me happy. I hope we can all settle into a routine that helps us not harms us. That’s the goal. Enough about why we do and more why we just don’t. And then life would be easier. Or at least tolerable to us. Sh is mental for me but I can see it being addicting when you stop feeling pain and start thinking you can just keep doing it. I hated being mentally locked away from self sabatoging myself. It was a way of life but I didn’t get into trouble just emotionally unstable for years. Now I’m ok and don’t know what to do with it all.
 
Murasakibee

Murasakibee

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 25, 2020
Messages
328
Location
Midwest USA
You sound almost like you’ve over come this. That makes me happy. I hope we can all settle into a routine that helps us not harms us. That’s the goal. Enough about why we do and more why we just don’t. And then life would be easier. Or at least tolerable to us. Sh is mental for me but I can see it being addicting when you stop feeling pain and start thinking you can just keep doing it. I hated being mentally locked away from self sabatoging myself. It was a way of life but I didn’t get into trouble just emotionally unstable for years. Now I’m ok and don’t know what to do with it all.
I really hope you and everyone else here finds a routine that helps you overcome. I have for the most part, I still have intense urges that consume entire days that could be better spent doing something else. But those days are becoming less, and life is becoming more tolerable. I hope it stays that way and I hope you all find that, you deserve it.

I can relate to the line "Now I'm okay and don't know to do with it all." I feel that all the time.
 
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george81

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 21, 2019
Messages
164
Location
UK
Hello all and thank you for your kind replies. I'm feeling a little better now the medication is starting to work but the guilt is never ending. I have done some bead things and I deserve to feel bad and guilty but taking medication lessens these feelings and that leads to further guilt. I don;t deserve to feel ok and positive. I feel like stopping the medication. I have still been SH'ing but it';s reduced from every day to every few days. To be honest it feels weird to not feel like killing myself everyday and it scares me because I deserve to die and I'm losing the drive to do it and it is such an unnatural feeling. It's so strange to not feel the way I've been so used to feeling. Does this make sense to anyone? Ive been so desperate to get rid of the horrible feelings but now they're reducing I feel lost as I still deserve to feel them and don't deserve to feel happy xxx
 
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Daringdan

Well-known member
Joined
May 8, 2020
Messages
159
Location
Louisville, Ky
To george81 and others,
There are spiritual traditions that would have you look on yourself with love. That you can cast your burdens and receive forgiveness. This is not a deserved forgiveness but a gift freely given.
 
EarthChild

EarthChild

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 12, 2020
Messages
77
Location
Cape Town South Africa
When I self harm it's either because
1) I have mental pain I want to channel into my body
2) I feel dead and numb and want to feel alive and real
3) want to punish myself
4) the voices tell me to

No 2 is the main reason
 
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george81

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 21, 2019
Messages
164
Location
UK
I just SH'med because of the way my friend spoke to me, She was very sarcastic to me for no reason and then pulled me up saying I was 'in a mood' because she'd 'said 2 words' to me. Then she brought someone else into it, claiming they said I'm 'too touchy'. She criticized me saying I'm 'too touchy'. There was no need for how she spoke to me. She made me feel like shit and like I can't do anything right. I give up. I am pathetic, pointless, a waste of space :low::cry::cry::cry:
 
TheSadnessWillLastForever

TheSadnessWillLastForever

Active member
Joined
Oct 28, 2019
Messages
35
Location
Ohio
For me life just gets overwhelming sometimes. All the little things that make up life just seem monumental and exhausting and it's the only way I can calm down. I told my mom life gets overwhelming for me and she laughed in my face so that made me feel even worse.
 
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george81

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 21, 2019
Messages
164
Location
UK
For me life just gets overwhelming sometimes. All the little things that make up life just seem monumental and exhausting and it's the only way I can calm down. I told my mom life gets overwhelming for me and she laughed in my face so that made me feel even worse.
This is really sad. Please take care and look after yourself. There's so many reasons to SH. Sometimes to cope with horrible feelings, sometimes to feel something when I feel nothing, numb. I feel the same about life being overwhelming. I don't know what I';d do if someone stopped me doing it, there;s nothing else I can think of to cope x
 
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