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What it's like when everyone in the house has mental problems

S

strawberrywater

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Feb 24, 2021
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146
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I don't know what's wrong with my dad, but he seems to have OCD and extreme anxiety. He's never been fully aware of his surroundings either (not due to age, because he's been that way his whole life). On weekends when he's off work, he waits until I wake up and get my coffee, then he eats his lunch - it doesn't matter what time, if it's 10am or 2pm - he waits. I go back for a 2nd cup and his dirty plate is in the sink and wrappers in the trash. He sticks to this routine like it's life or death. It bothers me so bad because I'm sick of his stupid little routines, and it's like he can't think on his own - he waits for these 'cues' he's made up in his mind. He saves every piece of mail and shreds it on Sundays. Not just old bills, but typical junk mail ads. I've seen him when he's shredding these papers - he makes weird faces at it almost as if he's getting off on it. He's...very strange. He sniffles all the time, and when I tell him to blow his nose, he says "There's nothing to blow".. then he sniffles more. Like right now he's walking around outside my bedroom door sniffling - which makes me have to wear headphones all day and I hate that. I can't concentrate on anything with my ears plugged up. But I'm forced to or else I'll hear him sniffling all f-ing day. When he knows something bothers me, he does it more. On Saturdays I have to drive him to the grocery store - when I wake up, he's sitting by the door with his shoes and coat on. He eats too fast then sits staring at me --- he has an obsession with "being first" with me because I've told him it's annoying. Because of him, I generally dislike men and how they always compete and 'be first' like they're trying to prove they're better than me.

My mother has depression and bipolar. She also has addictive personality. And she's narcissistic/emotionally unavailable. If I tell her I don't like when my dad does stuff to annoy me, she tells me I'm wrong. She ALWAYS takes his side. I have to drive him everywhere, and I get very angry when he sits in the passenger seat breathing heavily and smacking his lips together because he's so anxious. I'm a great driver, but his anxiety makes me anxious and numerous times I've almost crashed because of it. My mom says again it's my fault. I've never been able to talk to her about my feelings because she doesn't believe in feelings - yet when I act cold and rude to other people, she gets extremely angry with me and tells me I have to be nice because it makes her look bad. I ignore the neighbors when they say hi in the parking lot, Idgaf because they're all annoying (cooking stinky food, throwing garbage everywhere, hitting into our car, let their kids scream all day), and my mom gets irate with me. It's a constant back and forth - I am never right in her eyes. She also makes me share food with my dad. He buys an excessive amount of junk food for himself, and I hardly buy anything because I don't eat much. Yet if I make myself a salad, she forces me to share it with him and accuses me of being mean if I don't. Meanwhile, all I have to eat is the salad, and he has a mound of food for himself. Because of my parents, I never want to get married because I do not want to share a thing with anyone.

I also have depression, anxiety, and am an extreme empath. I feel every single emotion of other people. I tried telling this to my mom - explaining it's why I am so bothered sometimes - but she tells me "you need to stop feeling". With both my parents' whacked out emotions, I am also an emotional wreck, and have no support. Because of all this, I never want children - I won't have children who inherit all this mental illness because I won't be able to care for them.

I'm almost 30 (female) and because of lack of work where we live, I live at home and do not have my own life. I have no friends (I used to, but no one has any other hobbies than going to bars on weekends and I don't drink) and no relationships (I've been heartbroken in the past, another reason I'm choosing to be single for life). Past jobs have burned bridges. I have a Bachelors degree but it doesn't matter because I've only been able to get low pay secretary work because that's all that's available here. Now I just don't work and freelance write online and write novels, hoping one day to sell them. I'm done with almost killing myself with long hours, long commutes, and being screamed at by psycho micromanagers all for $9 an hour and no benefits. It's not worth it - I'd rather stay unemployed and do my own thing. I'll never save money to move someplace else for better opportunities so I'm forever stuck in this tiny apartment in a run down old town with nothing here. The only reason I would consider marriage is if I find a wealthy man who just needs company and will financially support me.

I envy anyone who grew up in a house - we've always been in tiny, run down apartments. I envy anyone who has parents who emotionally support them and push them to grow on their own. I envy anyone who was ever financially helped by their family. I'm sorry but I believe everyone needs a financial push to get them started in life - not many people can do it on their own, and those who actually do are just lucky. I've never been lucky, and probably never will be. When you come from poor, you'll likely stay poor.

TLDR: My parents have their own mental issues, and me too. But I'm also an empath who feels everything they do. I'm stuck with them, so I am a wreck. Idk what to do. I wish I could be gone. Being poor on top of it keeps me stuck in a dying town with no opportunities to get out. I am alone.
 
jajingna

jajingna

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Jul 31, 2020
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Canada
That's a hard situation for sure, for you and for your parents with their illnesses. I can see how this has made you lose any interest you might have ever had, in getting involved with anyone or eventually married.

My parents were very messed up too, schizophrenic mother/alcoholic father, both dead now, a total disaster of a marriage (though they still had seven sons, god knows why), and when that's all you really see for your first 20 years of life, it can really make it tough to have any sense of what a normal loving relationship looks like other than on a TV show. My social anxiety kept me out of those anyway for most of my life even though I wanted them and feel like I missed out on a lot. Now I'm older and have regrets but don't feel like there was a lot I could do about how things happened. Well, nothing actually, it's all in the past but I think about it daily.

I feel like trauma is a real problem that affects me today, I can feel how it affects me physically, and emotionally, so many years later. I've been anxious and depressed too.
 
S

strawberrywater

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Joined
Feb 24, 2021
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146
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United States
@jajingna Thank you for your reply. I'm sorry that you continue to struggle today. Have you found any ways to cope? Do you feel somewhat better that you're out of the family situation?
 
jajingna

jajingna

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I started on medication a few weeks ago. I eat pretty healthy and need to rest a lot. I live with two brothers. It's not a great situation, just a small house, and we mostly keep to ourselves. I talk with one brother a little, and the other not at all as he really keeps to himself even more than me. It's awkward. I'd like to go back overseas if this virus situation eases up. I spent many years over there in Asia. Coming back to Canada was no good for me and I've been here too long, out of work too long, feeling like I need to get out of here.
 
S

strawberrywater

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 24, 2021
Messages
146
Location
United States
@jajingna I hope you can go to wherever you are comfortable and will be happy :) I know what it's like to be someplace that makes you unhappy. It matters a ton
 
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