What is wrong with my GF please help

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Tommo1234

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She gets upset over the most trivial things, she's 31


She was 3 hours late home to her mum's house because of road traffic....she cried.

She left a pie in my fridge that she was supposed to take to her mum. She came back to mine to get it, then cried when she got to her mum

Cried because a shop declined her card

Cried because I wouldn't delete a picture of her that I have on my phone

Cried because I said I'd rather watch the film on my sofa than in my bed with her

Got upset when she told me she doesn't like talking about Sex. We never even have sex because she thinks it should be good, and I'm inexperienced, and she's never told me that it doesn't matter how good or bad it is. :-(
We had sex once, it was my first time. It wasn't what she nor I was expecting.

Is this some kind of mental illness or just immaturity?

I get that some girls are emotional but I think this goes way beyond emotional!


She has told me that she overthinks things and worries. I have tried to get her to see a therapist but she's having none of it. She also says she has self-esteem issues and I said I'd try and help her with that too...but she says she doesn't want me to pitty her and she doesn't want me to be her therapist, but all I'm trying to do is help her!

I've had my own mental health issues in the past where I've needed to see a therapist and it's worked wonders.


I'm having serious doubts about this relationship.


Help!
 
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Zoe1

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I would say OK lets be friends for a while
and still spend time together, be close friends
but calling it friends allows you both to look more closely at what is going on
I have done this lots of times
and am still on talking terms with most of my exes

:grouphug:
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

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I'm a girl/woman with mental health issues (I'm 30) and I dont cry at the amount that she seems to cry about, sounds like she needs more help than you can give her :hug:
 
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EstherRose94

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I would easily cry about most of those things especially if I was stressed, sleep deprived, or PMS. Maybe she just cries a lot. I think be supportive but don’t dwell on those moments is what she’s saying. Just let her self soothe and get back to having fun with her.
 
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Tommo1234

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She been like it for months
She admitted to me that she was like this before I’d even knew her
 
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EstherRose94

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She been like it for months
She admitted to me that she was like this before I’d even knew her
There’s no solid answer then I guess. It depends on whether the good outweighs the bad in the relationship.
 
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Tommo1234

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I will have to have a think.
 
Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

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TBH I would cry at all of those things and I have BPD
I relate to some of what you say about her
but I find it hard to explain ,im sorry
the sooner she gets therapy the better and if she refuses I think you have to consider yourself first and foremost
does it feel like real love worth fighting for?
then she has to compromise and get some help because the relationship as it is clearly isn't working for you xxx
 
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EstherRose94

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Yeah I mean honestly I’m in therapy and on an antidepressant. If I wasn’t working on it I think my bf would have needed to distance himself for his own good too. We’re working now on like if I’m super stressed I don’t let it out with him bc it’s too much for him.
 
Lunar Lady

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Hi Tommo

It doesn't sound as if you two are completely comfortable and relaxed in each other's company. You should be feeling secure enough to be open about sexual inexperience and enjoying the adventure of discovery - not feeling uncomfortable.

I wonder if this is why your girlfriend is crying so easily - she may feel tense and anxious in a new relationship and is afraid of putting a foot wrong or coming across as foolish. This might be piling the pressure on her emotionally.

It might be an idea to have some very relaxed dates and focus on light-hearted talk and really get to know each other. You don't mention if this is her first relationship or if she's not been dating for a while...but women get very nervous and worry about things far more than men.

Rather than suggesting therapy, perhaps just make light of it - take a large box of tissues with you on the next date and tell her "you're prepared" with a smile. :D You might find that the more secure and safe she feels in your company, the less likely the tears will be. I know she said she has been like this all along - but that might be more comfortable than saying she's only like it around you. It's a sign that she cares what you think of her and is maybe trying too hard.

I hope things work out for you for the best xxx
 
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EstherRose94

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Hi Tommo

It doesn't sound as if you two are completely comfortable and relaxed in each other's company. You should be feeling secure enough to be open about sexual inexperience and enjoying the adventure of discovery - not feeling uncomfortable.

I wonder if this is why your girlfriend is crying so easily - she may feel tense and anxious in a new relationship and is afraid of putting a foot wrong or coming across as foolish. This might be piling the pressure on her emotionally.

It might be an idea to have some very relaxed dates and focus on light-hearted talk and really get to know each other. You don't mention if this is her first relationship or if she's not been dating for a while...but women get very nervous and worry about things far more than men.

Rather than suggesting therapy, perhaps just make light of it - take a large box of tissues with you on the next date and tell her "you're prepared" with a smile. :D You might find that the more secure and safe she feels in your company, the less likely the tears will be. I know she said she has been like this all along - but that might be more comfortable than saying she's only like it around you. It's a sign that she cares what you think of her and is maybe trying too hard.

I hope things work out for you for the best xxx
Yeah that all makes sense too. 👍🏼
 
Edinscotbrit

Edinscotbrit

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She gets upset over the most trivial things, she's 31


She was 3 hours late home to her mum's house because of road traffic....she cried.

She left a pie in my fridge that she was supposed to take to her mum. She came back to mine to get it, then cried when she got to her mum

Cried because a shop declined her card

Cried because I wouldn't delete a picture of her that I have on my phone

Cried because I said I'd rather watch the film on my sofa than in my bed with her

Got upset when she told me she doesn't like talking about Sex. We never even have sex because she thinks it should be good, and I'm inexperienced, and she's never told me that it doesn't matter how good or bad it is. :-(
We had sex once, it was my first time. It wasn't what she nor I was expecting.

Is this some kind of mental illness or just immaturity?

I get that some girls are emotional but I think this goes way beyond emotional!


She has told me that she overthinks things and worries. I have tried to get her to see a therapist but she's having none of it. She also says she has self-esteem issues and I said I'd try and help her with that too...but she says she doesn't want me to pitty her and she doesn't want me to be her therapist, but all I'm trying to do is help her!

I've had my own mental health issues in the past where I've needed to see a therapist and it's worked wonders.


I'm having serious doubts about this relationship.


Help!
You don`t mention how long this relationship has been going for. But if it`s a fairly new one, I really think you need to rethink, being honest , if it was me, I`d be growing tired of it. If it`s the early days of the relationship.

She mentions she has been like this for a while, so you know it`s not a temporary thing. Ultimately she needs to want to help herself and if she doesn`t want to, you have your answer.

A relationship shouldn`t be this trying!!
 
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Tommo1234

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Jan 20, 2016
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Hi Tommo

It doesn't sound as if you two are completely comfortable and relaxed in each other's company. You should be feeling secure enough to be open about sexual inexperience and enjoying the adventure of discovery - not feeling uncomfortable.

I wonder if this is why your girlfriend is crying so easily - she may feel tense and anxious in a new relationship and is afraid of putting a foot wrong or coming across as foolish. This might be piling the pressure on her emotionally.

It might be an idea to have some very relaxed dates and focus on light-hearted talk and really get to know each other. You don't mention if this is her first relationship or if she's not been dating for a while...but women get very nervous and worry about things far more than men.

Rather than suggesting therapy, perhaps just make light of it - take a large box of tissues with you on the next date and tell her "you're prepared" with a smile. :D You might find that the more secure and safe she feels in your company, the less likely the tears will be. I know she said she has been like this all along - but that might be more comfortable than saying she's only like it around you. It's a sign that she cares what you think of her and is maybe trying too hard.

I hope things work out for you for the best xxx


We know each other pretty well. I am starting to feel uncomfortable in her company as I have "is she going to get upset today" on my mind.
I will admit that many of the things she gets upset over I just brush off, it's only recently some of them have been directed towards me. Like when I said I'd rather watch the TV on the sofa rather than in my bed. She said I said it in the wrong way, which I most certainly did not. I said it in my normal chirpy way.

She is way more experienced than me in dating and relationships. I'm her second actual BF, and she's been on several other dates with people -- she ended up sleeping with most of them. She is my first everything.

We've been together for most of the last 6 months, she split with me two days after I had sex for the first time, because "it wasn't what she was expecting" .... it wasn't what I was expecting either. Like, she didn't communicate at all with me. I ask her what she likes, she doesn't tell me, says "she doesn't know" .... yet I have had sex once, and I already know what I like. urgh.
We got back together, and haven't had PIV sex since. She also made some hurtful remarks about my penis size telling me "it's not the biggest" and "I won't know what to do, can't do X or Y, can't put on Condom" etc...My penis is a very normal size!

I have knocked myself down by telling her I'm not ready for sex because I don't want to lose her..but deep down I know it's her remarks that have put me off. I fancy her like crazy.

Maybe I just have a poor character judgment, am being too nice for my own good and should end this relationship?

I really don't know. I mean would someone who truly liked me wouldn't say those things?

I get she's probably mentally ill which screws judgment, and I know this from experience....
 
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Tommo1234

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She says she's happy with me, but at the same time says these nasty things....do I really need that?
Like, I'm trying to help her for some reason.
 
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EstherRose94

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She says she's happy with me, but at the same time says these nasty things....do I really need that?
Like, I'm trying to help her for some reason.
Well I think some of those comments she made were more like “apologies in advance if I don’t do x y or z to your liking”\ nervousness. Idk I mean in any relationship both people are gonna slip up and say some awkward things now and then I think. It just depends what you think overall.
 
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