What is wrong with me?

[justsomeguy]

So. I'm a guy who is almost 30. I have a decent job, a decent apartment, a decent social life... I am absolutely terrified to date. I got out of the army 6 years ago and have put on a significant amount of weight, but even given my weight I still have these gorgeous women, good women, who are interested in me. I always chase them away, one way or another. Recently this girl contacted me, I have chased this girl away like2 times and I have no idea why she is back for more. I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to put her through the head games... and I'm really tired of being lonely. I just want to date.

The sad thing is, I'm also a musician. It's so weird how I can get up on stage in front of complete strangers and play and sing my heart out, but I'm incapable of real intimacy. I also work with persons with major depressive disorder, manic depressive disorder, borderline personality disorder, and a host of other mental health problems. I can see what is going on with them, and provide advice, but I can't seem to pin point my own problem.

I feel like I should be able to man-up... take this girl to a concert, go do something fun, ANYTHING... but in the back of my mind I feel like she deserves better, that I'm not good enough.

 

[quigon]

Hi. I hope you don't mind me asking but why don't you think you are good enough for her? Especially when you hardly know her if at all. You may be the perfect mate she is looking for so why put a wall between you that could be very unnecessary?

 

[Twylight]

Be strong Bud - nothing ventured - nothing gained..

 

[trombone_babe]

Hey I know just what you mean. I'm a musician too and can get up on stage quite happily but I have real problems with friendships. I'm lucky enough to have a lovely husband but I always seem to push friends away from me one way or another.