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What is wrong with me?

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RandomUser2001

New member
Joined
Jul 24, 2020
Messages
4
Location
England
I'm making this thread because i'm not entirely sure what is wrong with me and was hoping that maybe I could get some clarification on wether I should be worried about my eating habits or not by people who are educated or experienced in what i'm dealing with.

I am an extremely picky eater, and I mean extremely. I do not mean a phase, I have been dealing with my eating habits since a young age and its continued into my young adult life. I am affected by the textures, smells, taste, colours, wetness, temperature... you name it. The reason I am now talking about it despite having to deal with it for a long time is because I am now not eating foods which I would have never thought of not eating and the number of foods I eat is now getting to a point where I am getting worried.

If I could put a number on it, I would say it would not be more then 20 foods I can eat. Whether or not I can even think about putting food in my mouth is a very weird process, for example, I can eat a burger that has everything taken off of it from McDonalds or Burger King because to me they do not taste 'meaty' but if I was to try and eat a burger any where else I am instantly put off and would rather not eat, this is assuming that it is well done because if the burger was to even been slightly red I would start gagging, as you can see, very weird.

Because of my eating habits, I can often be put off from going out with friends because I am not only embarrassed by my picky eating habits but feel like I am holding them back from eating at places they might enjoy but because there is nothing I would eat, it does not help that most times I do go out and we eventually find some place I eat, when I order I often am awkwardly looked at by the person taking my order or laughed at by others for taking off things or asking what may come on the side as I cannot have food I dislike touching, it adds another level of anxiety and embarrassment when trying to order food, thankfully most places have a way to order without interaction such as on an app or touch screen however it does not stop the judgment I feel by friends.

As I am writing this, I am finding it so difficult to even explain how my judgement in eating food works that I end up deleting it all in the process, its often easier for someone to name a food and I explain why I will not eat it. I could honestly write an entire book on the foods I do not eat and the reasoning behind it all.

The worst experience I have had with my eating problem was 4 years ago when I was on a school trip and was so picky at eating I decided to avoid even coming into the restaurant in the first place, I was then forced to at-least sit at the table and watch as I refuse to eat any of the set meals be placed infront of me and taken away. I would watch as the waiters would point to at me to the chefs and them all stare at me in judgement as if I had something wrong with me, then the dessert came out and because of how embarrassed I felt I attempted to eat the cake she placed infront of me, I could not even swallow the cake due to how bad it tasted, the texture, the way I just held it in my mouth and the the whipped cream was melting down my mouth and slowly trickling down my throat I ended up gagging violently infront of everyone and eventually had to force myself to swallow. Everyone was staring at me and I had to run out of the room and go back into my room where I would later try to take my own life because I was so disgusted at myself and was so unsure on why I could not just eat the stupid food.

I would get over this experience after my failed attempt at overdosing on painkillers and stick to the 30 foods I would eat, but over these 4 years this had dwindled to just 15 and the most concerning is that I will no longer eat chicken, for the past couple months my parents still cook my meals involving chicken and because I eat alone, I have been hiding the food in order for them not to be disappointed in me and then when they are asleep throwing the food away discreetly and have been skipping meals because of this. I'm worried that they are already concerned for me and this will be another thing I will not eat. My plan is because I am going to University soon, I can hide this from them long enough to where they will not know.

I am going to finish it off here because honestly I could continue writing about this for hours because of how specific my picky eating is and can label multiple experiences where my habits have caused me issues. However, if you interested or have any questions I am more than happy to answer them, I really just need clarification for what this is. No topic or question is off-limit as I am very open.
 
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singingspringtime

Member
Joined
Jul 21, 2020
Messages
23
Location
england
Do you think you have some kind of sensory processing disorder? I have quite a few issues with what foods i will and won't eat (it's got better over time). Mine is linked to the fact that i have Aspergers, and sensory processing disorder as a side dish.
The one thing i will say, is that while the issue might be annoying, there are a huge number of aspie/autistic people that view this as simply a part of life, and refuse to be embarrassed by it.
Plenty of people have weirder things going on, and honestly = if you mentioned your food issues to me, i wouldn't bat an eyelid.
If it bothers you and you'd like to be able to eat other foods, then that's one thing, but if you can live with the restrictions, and it's mostly other peoples reactions that are the issue, then please know that most people have some kind of issue, and you're not weird or unusual, or doing anything wrong in any way whatsoever.
If it does really bother you, then a type of exposure therapy called sensory integration therapy can be helpful.
 
Lizaje

Lizaje

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 20, 2020
Messages
308
Location
Idk
Doesn't sound like a classical eating disorder. More like something the above poster suggested. Have you seen a doctor? You definitely should, even if you have in the past, as the problem is getting worse. I agree, what others think in itself doesn't matter, but if it affects your self esteem and if it may in time limit too much the necessary nutrients you get, you should try some form of treatment — also in order to learn to understand yourself and how to deal with other people's reactions.
 
R

RandomUser2001

New member
Joined
Jul 24, 2020
Messages
4
Location
England
Do you think you have some kind of sensory processing disorder? I have quite a few issues with what foods i will and won't eat (it's got better over time). Mine is linked to the fact that i have Aspergers, and sensory processing disorder as a side dish.
The one thing i will say, is that while the issue might be annoying, there are a huge number of aspie/autistic people that view this as simply a part of life, and refuse to be embarrassed by it.
Plenty of people have weirder things going on, and honestly = if you mentioned your food issues to me, i wouldn't bat an eyelid.
If it bothers you and you'd like to be able to eat other foods, then that's one thing, but if you can live with the restrictions, and it's mostly other peoples reactions that are the issue, then please know that most people have some kind of issue, and you're not weird or unusual, or doing anything wrong in any way whatsoever.
If it does really bother you, then a type of exposure therapy called sensory integration therapy can be helpful.
Thank you for the response, in terms of having a sensory processing disorder, I did a little research into the symptoms and while I share a few of them, i'm not convinced this is the cause.

About aspie/autistic people dealing with the same things, its comforting knowing i'm not alone in this issue but I'm looking more for a solution like you mentioned at the end of your response, thank you for that, while i'm sure I could live with my eating habits, they are not healthy and they also make me extremely insecure and cause problems with my own reflection of myself, while peoples own reactions do not help, its more of a guilt issue and I am just hoping to find a way to get a better understand of what it may be to potentially seek professional help if I feel it is needed.

I'm going to do more research into sensory processing disorder and if I do eventually seek professional help i'll bring it up as a potential cause, thank you for the help!
 
R

RandomUser2001

New member
Joined
Jul 24, 2020
Messages
4
Location
England
Doesn't sound like a classical eating disorder. More like something the above poster suggested. Have you seen a doctor? You definitely should, even if you have in the past, as the problem is getting worse. I agree, what others think in itself doesn't matter, but if it affects your self esteem and if it may in time limit too much the necessary nutrients you get, you should try some form of treatment — also in order to learn to understand yourself and how to deal with other people's reactions.
It has nothing to do with how I perceive myself like most eating disorders do, while I am more heavy then most people my age because of my unhealthy eating habits and this does make me self-conscious, it is more of an effect rather then a cause and actually one of the reasons I am looking for help as I plan to get more healthy but this is a massive barrier in the way for that as I literally do not eat anything healthy!

I have had blood tests done out of general concern for my health and was not lacking any nutrients (However I did have high cholesterol), I was told this was to do with how efficient the human body is and how when we do not get enough of one nutrient, it becomes a lot better as extracting this from the food we do eat.

I want to get help, but I want to make sure I am not wasting a professionals time with something that I could potentially sort out myself especially during a pandemic, and in terms of other peoples reactions, I feel having a diagnosis of some sort would help massively knowing i'm not some sort of freak but actually have some sort of disorder, also removing the issue would help as-well.

Thank you for the response and help!
 
Lizaje

Lizaje

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 20, 2020
Messages
308
Location
Idk
I would not be worried. Once you set out anything Could happen. They could put you in line for months, you might meet someone unqualified or not at their best who ignores you, misunderstands you or leaves you wanting never to go back again. Treatment could take years or be unaffordable. Other people waste their time for lesser reasons. Its reason enough and you aren't and we aren't qualified to say what's wrong with you.
 
R

RandomUser2001

New member
Joined
Jul 24, 2020
Messages
4
Location
England
I would not be worried. Once you set out anything Could happen. They could put you in line for months, you might meet someone unqualified or not at their best who ignores you, misunderstands you or leaves you wanting never to go back again. Treatment could take years or be unaffordable. Other people waste their time for lesser reasons. Its reason enough and you aren't and we aren't qualified to say what's wrong with you.
I always looked at it as, well at-least i'm not suffering from anorexia or something more serious that is a major concern for health, so I never thought of it as something to seek treatment for. Another factor is I also would not know how to go about this or whether I would be taken seriously or not as its an unusual eating problem.

My Food Technology teacher suggested it may be something more serious many years ago and thats when it first crossed my mind to maybe look into it but I think I have come to the realisation that this may not be something I cannot sort out of my own if I genuinely want to not just eat the same foods in a cycle every 3 days.

I have a lot of my plate right now as I expect to be going to university soon, but shortly after I will look into getting help, I guess I started this thread to get more clarification on what it may be and see if people have heard of something similar but thank you Lizaje for helping me understand it is not something I can diagnose myself or anyone else can do online.
 
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