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What is wrong with me..

Justafriend95

Justafriend95

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Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
663
Location
Netherlands
k maybe T is not very well ? :loveshower:
Idk that's what worries me.. normally he talks to me all the time..

I worry sick about him.. even checked socials ect. Was really scared he would hurt himself.. I would never forgave myself..

But he is thank God still alive. I don't know why he stoped taking to me.. I want to be there for him but I can't if he shuts me out.. if I only knew why I had peace with it.. but I don't so now I'm scard every fk day that he will hurt himself.. or maybe kill himself..

When we talked he was really depressed and he didn't want to anymore so it's not something I feel.. it's something he told me..
 
Z

Zoe1

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Jul 8, 2019
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Nowhere
maybe he has a new girlfriend
who doesnt want him talking to his ex
that can happen

have you thought about that ?

:love:
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
663
Location
Netherlands
maybe he has a new girlfriend
who doesnt want him talking to his ex
that can happen

have you thought about that ?

:love:
In not his ex 🤣 my ex best friend 😅
He was/is not my type. And I'm not his type 🤣
So that's not the problem. And if he has a new girl friend he can tell me. If for that reason he didn't want to talk than I should stop talking.

Yes that will hurt but I understand..
But n now he will do nothing..
 
Z

Zoe1

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do you have any other friends ?
its always hard with the opposite gender
because new partners might not like it

or he might be unwell

in the meantime what other support can you get ?

:love:
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

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Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
663
Location
Netherlands
do you have any other friends ?
its always hard with the opposite gender
because new partners might not like it

or he might be unwell

in the meantime what other support can you get ?

:love:
That's the problem.. he is the only one that understands what I'm going through. The rest of my friends/familie have no idea. They say oh you just need to relax. Or they walk away pretending never hearing you tell them something..

T had depression to. Had a lot of friends with depression and did know how to calm me down. He always knew what to say.. I miss that.

But no one can understand that friendship.. I is/was special.. where just friends but he was really my best friend..

It took so long to trust a guy again after the stalking 6 years ago.. I always trusted J because he was there even when the stalker was there..

I love J with All my heart and he tries to understand me. But he doesn't know the feeling. He will say things like oh you have to relax or just happy thoughts like that.. I can't and he doesn't understand.. it's not something he does because he doesn't care but he never had depression..

He works like 60-80 hours a week. Is a bom of energie and loves his live.. he doesn't know how it is to live with SH and depression.. that's what's my friendship was for. And j knew that and is okay with that.

Idk what went wrong.. I hope it wasn't something I did.. but I will know in a couple of days.

But don't worry about me okay? Try to fix myself and get help and stuff when I come home..
 
Z

Zoe1

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k yes, actually I have a special male friend who is gay
that would be really hard to lose him
I email him every night and we never tell each other what to do

I guess we have to try to believe
that there are others out there that will understand
and also to grieve the one we are missing

you have people here who understand ...

its unlikely its something you did,
if your friend has his own issues going on

:love: :hug5:
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
663
Location
Netherlands
k yes, actually I have a special male friend who is gay
that would be really hard to lose him
I email him every night and we never tell each other what to do

I guess we have to try to believe
that there are others out there that will understand
and also to grieve the one we are missing

you have people here who understand ...

its unlikely its something you did,
if your friend has his own issues going on

:love: :hug5:
Thank you
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

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Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
663
Location
Netherlands
Omg.. I already feel so crap about myself.. didn't go out of bed for 2 days now.. I just got to the city to eat something and it was delicious.

We went out of the restaurant and idk how it happens but I twisted my foot so hard I blacked out..

When I realized what had happened I already drove on adrenaline.. I walked as good and fast as I could to the scooter.. before the pain was coming back..

Just arrived home.. now sitting in the shower with my foot In ice cold water.. why me..🥺IMG-20190826-WA0000.jpeg
 
Z

Zoe1

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n yeah I get days like this
I have some pain going on

do you think maybe you need to see a doctor
if its that bad ?

:loveshower:
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
663
Location
Netherlands
n yeah I get days like this
I have some pain going on

do you think maybe you need to see a doctor
if its that bad ?

:loveshower:
I will wait to tomorrow maybe the pain goes away.. I hope so..
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

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Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
663
Location
Netherlands
The darkness of night is kicking in again.
Like a depression on the doorstep..

It's always there.. when the sun shines it stays behind the trees but at night when it gets dark.. it moves out of the shadows and scare me..

I try to stop thinking so dark but on the other side I want to feel it. I want to act on it.. I know it are just thoughts but what if they aren't?

I did something today that for me is the same as SH.. not that it's that bad but I tried to harm myself.. even if it was a little.. so goodbye 46 days Self harm free..

Sorry @midnightphoenix 🥺 I know I made a promise with you and I am a terrible friend.. please don't give up your fight okay.. your stronger than me. Again I'm sorry
 
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midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

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Mar 9, 2012
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9,315
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Tigger and Willow's house UK
The darkness of night is kicking in again.
Like a depression on the doorstep..

It's always there.. when the sun shines it stays behind the trees but at night when it gets dark.. it moves out of the shadows and scare me..

I try to stop thinking so dark but on the other side I want to feel it. I want to act on it.. I know it are just thoughts but what if they aren't?

Used my nails today to.. so thats for me the same as SH.. not that it's that bad but I tried to harm myself.. even if it was a little.. so goodbye 46 days Self harm free..

Sorry @midnightphoenix 🥺 I know I made a promise with you and I am a terrible friend.. please don't give up your fight okay.. your stronger than me. Again I'm sorry
you are not a terrible friend, i also slipped up yesterday with it :sorry: :hug:

Justafriend is wonderful :love:
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

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Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
663
Location
Netherlands
you are not a terrible friend, i also slipped up yesterday with it :sorry: :hug:

Justafriend is wonderful :love:
Sorry I don't feel like a good friend.. 😟 I think that the last year I wasnt a good friend to anybody.. I though of me alot and not how others where feeling..😞

I'm sorry..

I care a lot about my friends. And I want to be there for them.. I try my best at the moment but I know I'm failing..🥺

Because I can only think about my dark 🥺headspace.. my problems and my urges..🤐
Sorry to everybody on this forum.. you all deserve better than this. I'm so sorry😢

I'm sorry you slipt up @midnightphoenix I hope you are okay 🥺 you really don't deserve it.. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you even when you always are there for me. I hope you can forgive me 😓
 
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