What is wrong with me..

Justafriend95

Justafriend95

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Netherlands
I really don't know what to do anymore..
I just want to go home, but when I come home my real life starts again. Something I can't handle..😢

My anxiety is so high. My feelings so low.. idk what to do with myself.. I feel so useless.. it's not that I don't want to live anymore.. but idk what to do when I stay..😔😔

I can't figure out what's wrong with me.. why I am this way.. I really don't believe that this is it.. 😔

Why do I feel so depressed? Why am I so anxious? There must be something wrong with me.. 🥺🥺
 
K

Kenza

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Tunisia
There's not necessarily something wrong with you sometimes we simply are the product of an environment and it's not our fault but it's our responsibility to try to take matters in our own hands. I can't count how many times I felt everything is over but it actually wasn't. It was just my brain messing with me. What I'm trying to say is I know it's very hard but it really does get better eventually you just have to keep fighting. Have you tried therapy ? It really helps and you can find out what's bothering you
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

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There's not necessarily something wrong with you sometimes we simply are the product of an environment and it's not our fault but it's our responsibility to try to take matters in our own hands. I can't count how many times I felt everything is over but it actually wasn't. It was just my brain messing with me. What I'm trying to say is I know it's very hard but it really does get better eventually you just have to keep fighting. Have you tried therapy ? It really helps and you can find out what's bothering you
After my vacation I start therapie. That was the plan but I didn't hear anything from them, so idk..
 
J

JCPraha

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It sounds like you are experiencing typical symptoms of depression, not unusual. I know how you feel. Perhaps treatment can help you. I think it can. Try treatment, it is really miserable going through life with such symptoms, I know from personal experience.
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

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It sounds like you are experiencing typical symptoms of depression, not unusual. I know how you feel. Perhaps treatment can help you. I think it can. Try treatment, it is really miserable going through life with such symptoms, I know from personal experience.
Sorry for the late replay.. yesterday evening I had a call telling me that my grandpa is dying.. so yeah I was heart broken...

I get treatments after my vacation.. it's going to be a long 4 weeks.. I know I am depressed but my surroundings don't believe me and think I am just wanting attention.. as always..
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

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I feel like I ruin my vacation. For me and my husband.. because I have no Energie left, I cry a lot and stayed in bed for almost 5 days..

I don't mean to but I can take it anymore..
We both where so exited for this trip and know I slow J down. We don't do a lot anymore.. no adventure.. today im forcing myself to do something fun and adventures..

To make it up a little. Smile on my face and go..
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

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IT took like 1 million motivational words to myself but I did a big hike today. We walked up and down hills to get to the most beautiful waterfall.

I fainted almost 34 times but it was worth it!
I took some photo's for you guys.IMG_20190816_143340.jpgIMG_20190816_133210.jpg

IMG_20190816_122649.jpg
 

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Justafriend95

Justafriend95

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Feeling a little better today. My headache stopped and I am getting hungry again. So that's a good thing.

How are you guys doing?
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

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I think I figured something out..
I feel so restless, need for talking because I am clean for 34 days. I thought it didn't do a lot to me..

Yeah I felt like doing it but I didn't.
No I think that's the reason why I need someone to talk.. because I have no one..

I SH because I can't talk about feelings to others.
The things my mind does to me and stuff.
Normally I selfharm and it's gone now I have no one and I can't talk about it. What means that I don't want to say anything anymore. Start quiting food and drinks and do dangerous things.

It's something with controlle. Something I don't have right know and it freaks me out..

And that was my mind when a eat the pancake..
#confordfood IMG_20190816_194327.jpg
 
J

JCPraha

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Very beautiful. Great photos! I hope you enjoyed it!
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

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Finally got some sleep last night. Was so tired.
Feel a lot better now. We are moving again today. We have to make a 3 hour taxi ride to the middle of lombok.

We stay there 3 nights in a house. It looks really big but idk hihi

This was are home te last 2 nights.
IMG_20190817_090104.jpgScreenshot_2019-08-17-09-02-34-487_com.miui.gallery.jpgIMG_20190817_090108.jpg
 
Z

Zoe1

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wow beautiful photos
especially the monkeys ! macaques I think

you worked very hard on your recovery today

:bravo: :loveshower: :hug5:
 
J

JCPraha

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Looks fantastic, like paradise!
 
J

JCPraha

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I hope your mental state is at least tolerable so you can enjoy yourself to some degree. Take care, I really hope you feel better.
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

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Messages
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I try to enjoy things again. Even if it is 50% try to say out loud the beautiful things I see and take pictures for you guys.
 
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