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What Is Wrong With Me?

K

KieranA001

New member
Joined
Apr 19, 2015
Messages
2
Hey,

So basically signed up in hope someone can answer my question. I have low self-esteem, social-anxiety and depression. I feel like a loser who is self-conscious and depressed because of his social anxiety and lack of friends. It's like a repetitive circle of good mood > realize state of life and how I have no friends > depression > feel unwanted and unloved.

Not only that, I seem to turn away from people's love and find it overwhelming. I feel like my mood is too depressed to be around people with, I feel like I'm not good enough to talk to people. Not only that, I'm not the best conversationalist. I can barely keep a conversation going due to my lack of social skills and conversational topics and over-thinking everything.

At the moment, I feel even more depressed because I fell in love with someone in September 2013 and in Feb 2014 she ditched me after I told her how I felt and changed her relationship status straight away. She did love me back but said my conversation skills are crap and that I don't do anything. So obviously, this has knocked my already-lacking self-esteem back even further. What do I do?

I did feel happy around her, despite the over-thinking. Now it's 2015 and I still haven't been able to stop thinking of her since. That's like, nearly a year! In general I have no friends and feel quite unwanted now, some nights it's okay but others I end up thinking about it more and cannot stop crying about how it has all ended.

I'm not sure if I naturally lack social skills, or if it's all due to my social anxiety. I just find conversations boring when I talk to people and don't know what's causing it. It's like I genuinely don't like people and find it hard to trust people. Why is this?
 
J

james andrew

New member
Joined
Apr 28, 2015
Messages
3
Hi there Kieran, I like you seem to suffer from these problems, which is why I have decided to join this website to try and alleviate some of my symptoms as well as help others suffering from similar problems.

You say you're feeling depressed, because of lack of self esteem and because of how you percieve yourself. You say that you're a loser. Is there any particular reason why you feel this way. You say that you have next to no conversational skills, would there be any chance that you could talk about what interests you to other people, or perhaps join social groups or otherwise that would help you branch out socially and find people who have similar interests to yourself? When you say you overthink things, what exactly are you thinking about, what thoughts run through your head when your in a situation where you dont feel confident or comfortable?

This girl you were with, she finished with you after you told her all this and immediately changed her relationship status? Doesn't sound like a nice girl at all to be honest. If you decide to tell a girl that you're in a relationship with that your depressed or whatever and she leaves you on the spot, quite frankly she's not worth the hassle. Obviously I don't know the dynamics of your relationship or what went wrong and how it all worked. I was going to ask was your relationship with her healthy and did you display any behaviours that may have potentially driven her away. Seriously though if she really cared about you she wouldn't have reacted in that way.

If all that happened over a year ago and you still have feelings for her its probably a sign that your holding onto the past, I would actually advise to let it go. I do feel for you if you sit alone at night and cry, no one wants to be in that position. Was the girl your first girlfriend? But if it was me personally I would try and move on - get some hobbies or interests and try go out more. In fact you should try speed dating. You get to talk to 15 girls in one night -not only will that help you with your love life, it will build your confidence back up.

On a final note why do you find it boring when you talk to people and why do you find it hard to trust them?
 
K

KieranA001

New member
Joined
Apr 19, 2015
Messages
2
Hi there Kieran, I like you seem to suffer from these problems, which is why I have decided to join this website to try and alleviate some of my symptoms as well as help others suffering from similar problems.

You say you're feeling depressed, because of lack of self esteem and because of how you percieve yourself. You say that you're a loser. Is there any particular reason why you feel this way. You say that you have next to no conversational skills, would there be any chance that you could talk about what interests you to other people, or perhaps join social groups or otherwise that would help you branch out socially and find people who have similar interests to yourself? When you say you overthink things, what exactly are you thinking about, what thoughts run through your head when your in a situation where you dont feel confident or comfortable?

This girl you were with, she finished with you after you told her all this and immediately changed her relationship status? Doesn't sound like a nice girl at all to be honest. If you decide to tell a girl that you're in a relationship with that your depressed or whatever and she leaves you on the spot, quite frankly she's not worth the hassle. Obviously I don't know the dynamics of your relationship or what went wrong and how it all worked. I was going to ask was your relationship with her healthy and did you display any behaviours that may have potentially driven her away. Seriously though if she really cared about you she wouldn't have reacted in that way.

If all that happened over a year ago and you still have feelings for her its probably a sign that your holding onto the past, I would actually advise to let it go. I do feel for you if you sit alone at night and cry, no one wants to be in that position. Was the girl your first girlfriend? But if it was me personally I would try and move on - get some hobbies or interests and try go out more. In fact you should try speed dating. You get to talk to 15 girls in one night -not only will that help you with your love life, it will build your confidence back up.

On a final note why do you find it boring when you talk to people and why do you find it hard to trust them?
I feel like I'm a loser because of my social anxiety which has caused me to have no friends. In addition, I don't know why but I feel angry with people because of how they have caused me to develop low self-confidence as I was bullied at school as well, but it persisted before that I think.

I find people boring, including myself and don't like conversations because I have a lack of social skills. I mean the way I look at it. You can introduce yourself to people, tell them about you and ask more about them such as job, their hobbies, what they do in free time but then after all of that you just run out of things to say after they have been answered. Not only that, I don't want to make it a Q&A type thing. Plus I have no humor, not sure if it's depression related though but the way I see myself is not how I expect to see myself. The way I feel about myself.

I don't have any interests due to my depression. I have IT but then that's it. What else is their? Don't like any instruments, swimming is okay.. Shopping and dinner out maybe that would be interesting although not really the best interests to start a topic on. I over-think everything I do and say, feel like I'm being judged by people. Feel like they think I'm stupid and not worth bring around them. When I over-think, I over think the moment or thing that happened or that I did. I don't know what I over think it depends on what it is I guess.

As for the girl, I met her in my lesson at college in Sep 2013 where we fell in love and it just stayed like that until december holidays where I asked her out ice skating. She said "maybe" and then she came back to college all happy to see me. Next thing I know, in February it was her birthday so I got her a present from the money I got from selling my phone... After I gave her the present, she said thanks and so I told her how I felt and she said that she feels guilty for taking them and wanted to give them back to me and she told me she is seeing someone else. In June we finished college and I didn't see her again (see her around town a few times though).

Then I went into my job and I know someone has a crush on me, and I seem to have fallen for her somehow. Not sure if it's because of my loosing Grace or if I genuinely love her. I feel like I need to learn to love myself first but not sure how to do that.. I feel worthless and am filed with self-hate.

P.S. The main reason this girl ditched me was because of my social skills issue. Because I don't have anything to say and no conversation topic which made her get bored of me. It's weird, when ever I see her I forget about the other girl and realize how much I love the first one who broke my heart. I mean seriously what do you say in conversations though? Not sure how you get people who cannot have anything to not say.
 
G

geniie

New member
Joined
Oct 6, 2015
Messages
2
i think you need to see a counsellor, help you to find out why you feel this way, it could be something to do with your up bringing, or something that's happen to you, but your 1st step is to find the right person to talk to, depression and low self esteem, is painful but going out with someone when your feeling that way, and being knocked by the lack of support isn't helpful, its not your fault they acted that way that's there problem, maybe they just don't understand and how your feeling, you need to find someone who can help you understand, or there is a lot of self help books you can get that are very helpful, i suffered from depression some years ago,and at that time i thought id never get better, but it took sometime but i did, i learnt with depression i always felt worse if i couldn't get my feelings out. and i was always saying sorry even though it wasn't my fault, so i had to learn to stop saying that word, if i felt upset or angry i punch my pillow to let out my feelings, or id write things down how i felt then burn it, after a cry. there is different types of depression and there's so many things in the world that can cause us stress, one thing is learning to relax more, and doing things that make you feel happy even though they maybe small things. i use to feel anxious about going out, so id try to relax (10mins) breath slowly before leaving my house, but every day try to do something to make me happy, i loved watching the birds in my garden so that's what i did just relax and enjoyed watching them feed and play. as i got to go out more id reward myself to a small gift, as id always put everyone else first, and id realized i got to start looking after myself more, i was not going to let this invisible illness win, am in charge of my body and mind ill get there a day at a time. i do wish you well.
 
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geniie

New member
Joined
Oct 6, 2015
Messages
2
when your depressed you do feel like there's nothing interesting to do, you feel why bother that's part of the depression, it makes you feel like that , if you were bullied no wonder you feel depressed. and low self esteem. your bound to, you are normal what your feeling after what you've been through, its like your stuck in a dark forest and you need to find a way out, please believe me there is a way out, and when you get through the forest you will become a stronger person, but at the moment you need to be taking a step at a time, i no some days you will feel your trying to take a step forward but seem to take 2 steps back , you sometimes have days like that, there's books on c.b.t (cognitive behavioural therapy) they will help you with being axnious, or panic attacks they helped me get my strength back. you can buy them on amazon or ebay. etc. see if they help.
 
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