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What is "wrong" with me?

F

Flatlined

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Joined
Apr 3, 2015
Messages
6
I don't think I love anybody. There are a few close friends that I like and that I think I would be sad for if they were to die but that's about it. I don't feel any feelings of love towards my family despite the fact that they have always been good to me. I just can't bring myself to care very much about them or whatever they are doing. When they are distressed there is no twinge of empathy in me.

I've been described by my mother as "emotionally flat" or "cold" and I would tend to agree with that. I don't outwardly display a lot of emotion because I don't internally feel a lot of emotion. Even when I do feel something it seems to be fleeting and of little consequence.

I am not impulsive though I was as a child. I think before I act and before I speak and feel contempt for those who can't seem to control themselves and just blurt out whatever is on their mind. The same goes for those prone to emotional outbursts.

I often find myself thinking about and questioning the rules and laws of our society as well as the morals that people seem to blindly follow. While I am not actively a criminal, I have no problem with breaking the law though I would rather not hurt anyone and have no violent compulsions.

I wasn't always like this. When I look back, I can see clear examples from my childhood where I displayed empathy and felt love. But as a I grew older and finished puberty, my feelings and emotions seemed to receed. At this point, I really don't care about anything that doesn't interest me. I have no problems making friends or forming relationships because the facade of social graces comes naturally to me but I don't know if these relationships are real or fake.

I wasn't abused and haven't suffered any physical trauma so I think this change in outlook is purely mental and mostly of my own volition.

Apologies for the lack of structure in this post but I am just typing what comes to mind. Feel free to ask questions.
 
H

Haley

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Mar 28, 2015
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40
Location
Fort Lauderdale
The semi-unreality of relationships with people is not necessarily a bad perception. I just am wondering if you'd LIKE to develop more compassion.
 
Kerome

Kerome

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Sep 29, 2013
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Europe
There are ways to develop more feelings, empathy, compassion. It's mostly about being inwardly quiet and listening to and getting in touch with your inner emotional self. I'd also recommend loving kindness meditation, which is a Buddhist technique. I'd advise you to go that way because you are likely to not live a fulfilling life unless you develop a fuller emotional range.
 
F

Flatlined

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Joined
Apr 3, 2015
Messages
6
No I am fine with the way I am now and don't really have a desire to change. I basically never get depressed, stressed, or anxious either so it's not like this is a negative thing for me, just sometimes for those around me. I was simply curious and wanted to learn more about what exactly "this" is be it just my personality or some sort of disorder etc.
 
F

Flatlined

Member
Joined
Apr 3, 2015
Messages
6
Hmm. I am inwardly focused the majority of the time. I think and consider things constantly and I don't feel that I am out of touch with myself so I wonder if there's really any inner emotion to get in touch with? I don't feel that I am living an unfulfilling life, though I suppose my life isn't particularilly fulfilling in and of itself.

I suppose that also depends on what you define as "fufilling". I am reasonably happy with my life but I don't feel that their is any higher purpose or meaning behind it or any other life for that matter. I had a conversation with my mother recently in which she asked me why I didn't go out of my way to do extra things that would help others (specifically my family). I quickly realized our outlooks were polar opposites. She automatically did things to help people without being asked because it "fulfilled" her (not verbatim) and it simply doesn't do that for me. If something doesn't interest or benifit me I generally won't do it unless the consequences of me not doing it are worse than the act of doing it (this applies to most responsibilties). I don't feel anything when I do something nice though I would gladly accept others doing nice things for me.

Perhaps this is a selfish outlook but I don't think it is wrong per se.
 
FriendsAreFriends

FriendsAreFriends

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Mar 13, 2015
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59
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Norway
:cool: Reading your post, you have expressed you dont want to hurt anybody. So a fair amount of empathy you must have. Seem to me that you are a rather intelligent and reflected person. Following ones feelings end emotions all the time is both unwise and dangerous. So I think you should enjoy your nature given intelligens, that you probalbly got from your parents, to reflect upon all the exiting topics there are. Keep your head cold and your hart warm:) Kenneth.
 
F

Flatlined

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Joined
Apr 3, 2015
Messages
6
A high degree of cognitive empathy perhaps but I think my emotionally empathy is pretty dull. I know when's somebody is sad but I don't care (most of the time). I don't think my lack of desire for harming others is an example of empathy, more of a state of mind (I don't get in your way you don't get in mine). I don't think I would lose any sleep over hurting somebody who had wronged me.

On the topic of keeping a cool head and a warm heart, I agree with the philosphy but I don't know if it applies to me. It's like I think feelings instead of feeling feelings. Hard to put into words.
 
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F

Flatlined

Member
Joined
Apr 3, 2015
Messages
6
Also something I forgot to mention: I have depersonalization disorder which effects me in rare episodes though I'm not sure if it relates to this situation.
 
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