What is wrong with me? Please help me understand.

J

Joefus

New member
Joined
May 10, 2019
Messages
3
Location
USA
Hello everyone, my name is Joe. I'm a 24 year old married man with one 3 year old and a pregnant wife due soon. I'm going to spare a lot of details, even though they would help probably. When I was 13-19 I stayed isolated inside my house; leaving less than 50 times within that 6 year timespan. I spent most days idolizing psychopaths and wishing I was one myself so I couldn't feel emotions and be badass like the people I've watched on Tv and movies. I played video games every single day and seen almost everything on bestgore, nothing freaked me out anymore and i could watch without wincing. I was alone and only had myself to take care of and thought it would be that way forever. Now that I'm not alone anymore and have other people to care about; I want to be happy and I want to care and be a good father and husband. I am afraid that I inadvertently became numb to life. I think I got what I wished for when i was younger :( I never want to go anywhere and I am never excited about anything. If my wife and kids left me right now I'm not sure if I would even be super upset... some days im happy and energetic and loving, others I'm cold and emotionless... I don't know what to do. I spend a lot of my time thinking about scenarios in life in which I'm not alive anymore. I fantasize about just leaving everyone behind and going bat shit crazy somewhere so i can just release this demon inside of me!!
 
L

linus

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 27, 2019
Messages
422
Location
Eastern Europe
You sound like a normal person :) Maybe you have a different experience in life until now, but I guess it’s just a matter of accepting life as it is. How does your story relate to psychosis?
 
C

Confusedandanxious

Well-known member
Joined
May 5, 2019
Messages
364
Location
Uk
It sounds like you're maybe suffering from depression. I think if you posted over there youd get a better response.
 
calypso

calypso

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Jan 5, 2011
Messages
42,774
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Lancashire
YOu aren't a psychopath, you are just within normal parameters. I think all that earlier stuff was just childhood and not affecting your adulthood. I agree that you sound somewhat depressed and maybe that needs addressing.
 
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