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what is wrong with her??

B

because i care

New member
Joined
Jul 31, 2009
Messages
2
Hi, I'm new to this, and not quite sure how it all works!
I have joined this forum to try and get advice about my brothers girlfriend who has alot of problems.
2 years ago she had her 4th child and had suicidal thoughts and mood swings. She was diagnosed with postnatal depression. She had careworkers come round every evening who gave her a pill to help her sleep and relax, but they didn't really help her on an emotional level. One morning in the early hours, while my brother and their 4 children were sleeping, she left the house and tried to committ suicide in a park. This was no cry for help, she took alot of tablets, cut her wrists and hid in a bush. She was only found by chance by a stranger and the doctors said she wouldn't have made it if not for them. She was sectioned as soon as she was able to leave hospital and spent 2 months in the psychiatric hospital. During this time she tried to committ suicide again 3 times. When she was finally released she was completely different. We all tried to help in every way we could, but it's as though her normal self had died. She admitted she felt she had lost the bond with her kids and she was just odd.
Were now 2 years down the line and she is a complete cow! I don't mean that in a nasty way, it's just the only word I can use for her right now! She has a big problem with my brother and keeps trying to knock him down all the time and belittle him. She has made him sleep in their spare room and put a lock on her bedroom door. She has stopped him from eating anything she buys, she locks the toilet rolls in her room and will only get them out if her or the kids need it! She has terrible rages and shouts at everyone in the house. She is only like this in front of certain people, almost as if she knows not to do it in front of people that could get her into trouble. My brother has been so supportive to her. He honestly is one of the most kindest men I know and I'm proud of him for sticking by her through all this. She has now started to involve the kids which is really affecting them. She'll call my brother horrible names and is almost trying to turn them against him. It really upsets them. One of their boys is 11 and a bedwetter. She has great pleasure in calling him 'pissy pants'. There is alot more to this but I want to know if anyone knows what she has, or if she is just being a cow! She has a care worker that comes round monthly, and my brother has voiced his concerns to her, but his girlfriend is very good at putting on a front and tells her nothing is wrong, therefore they won't listen to my brother. I feel my family have been let down by the system. My brother is trying to help her before she does something to herself again, or god forbid the poor kids. No-one will help him.
Please help me to help him!
 
G

GrizzlyBear

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Sep 22, 2008
Messages
971
Being kind-hearted does not neccessarily mean one is a satisfactory partner. Often people with MH issues are used as scapegoats. It is easier to blame those who are less able to defend themselves. People can be kind-hearted but still be entirely unhelpful partners. I think the term for this is 'enabling' -it can be very disabling and destructive. Of course I don't know the circumstances, but it may well be that the girlfriend would be better off without your brother. And vice-versa.

What can you do to help? I'm not sure that you can do anything based on what you have said. If she is not currently threatening to injure herself (or anyone else) then it's a matter between 'husband and wife' that she does not want to share a bedroom with him. One thing he has control of is whether he seeks some counselling for himself and, perhaps, additional support for the children. He could involve social work if he thinks the name-calling of the 11 year old is severe and distressing. But naturally this often brings more problems than it aims to solve. He can go to RELATE on his own if she will not attend. If they need to separate he will supported through that process. He can seek personal counselling for himself but it is impossible to force anyone else if they are not ready.

Naturally, I hope all can be resolved so that everyone involved is nurtured and supported.
 
B

because i care

New member
Joined
Jul 31, 2009
Messages
2
Thankyou so much for your reply. As a family (both mine and my brothers girlfriends) we have never experienced Mental Health problems so we are not sure how to deal with it. This advice has opened my eyes so thankyou for that. :)
 
I

itsallpc

Member
Joined
Jul 31, 2009
Messages
6
Dealing with mental health problems is hard. I suffer with c-PTSD and a few others including axiet, social phobia and the like.

I cannot say why she is acting as she is i can only give you the low down on my illness and how it effects the people close to me. I get angry boy very and it is always the people i love the most that get the flack! Why?

Maybe it is because i know they will keep coming back because they love me. My mother has been through hell with me.

I now see a psychiatrist, and have balance meds.. Ok life is not perfect but i cope a hell of a lot better.

Through all of the process that i have been through my family have stood by me through thick and thin. And believe me it has been bad to the point where i got sent to prison for violent acts.

There is lots of help out there for people with the illnesses but dealing with people like me and your brothers girlfriend takes its toll on them. I feel that your brother needs help as well he needs your support to get through this.

Give good advice but do not force your opinions upon him. be a shoulder to cry on that is understanding and gentle. Help him cope by letting him know that HE is not alone and that you all care for him.

If he loves her then he is trying to understand why is she this way? Why is she doing this to me? His heart is telling him that he needs to be there for her! try not to put her down to him and be understanding that she probably hasn't a clue what she is doing if she is on a downer!

Be there for the kids - help give them what they are missing and help the gently to understand kids are stronger than you think!

You need to focus your attention on him rather than her..... This is only my opinion and of course the choice is yours on how you handle this.
 
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P

propane

Active member
Joined
Jul 31, 2009
Messages
25
Maybe she has brain damage from ECT therapy or antipsychotic drugs given in psych ward.
 
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