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What Is This?

M

MidnightMusician

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Jul 17, 2014
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134
Does anybody else get this. I feel like my brain is asleep. What is it. I find it hard to concentrate, hard to socialize, hard to be happy, hard to feel with it, everything really.

I'm at college and it's like I'm not there. It's like nothing goes in and I feel like the lights on but nobody's home lol! I just feel like going bed.

It's strange. If I tell my doctor he refers me to yet another therapist, and when I see a therapist he/she just say it's my thought patterns. I disagree. I don't choose to think negatively or to feel down, it just happens. I feel like my brain is against me. I just can't function mentally to the ability I need to.

It pretty much stops everything in life. Making friends, finding a partner, and at work I forget things and can't concentrate properly and it's making me bite peoples heads off cause they pull weird faces or look a bit perplexed by my actions or can't understand me.

What's the answer? will going back on fluoxetine help?
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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Aug 17, 2012
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I definitely know what you mean and have similar experiences.

You said about going back on fluoextine.. I take it you've been on it for a while previously, then? Can you recall feeling any different when you were taking it? Did you have this feeling back then?

I can only really speak from my own experiences when it comes to actually defining what it is, and so it might not be relevant to you.

But I have found that being very depressed causes my whole cognitive functioning to slow right down. Not only do I get the obvious low mood, but i'm temporarily really stupid - I can't concentrate, I can't remember anything, I can't find the words I need etc.
Alongside this I do often get a bit dissociated/depersonalised/derealised (I use all three terms because each time there's a flavour of each). It happens when I feel overwhelmed and overstimulated - it's like a zoning out and there's nothing I can really do to bring myself back.

As I said, that may not be relevant to what you're experiencing, but perhaps it's worth thinking about whether you feel it's the depression or a more dissociative thing or something else again.

Sometimes I do the 5 Things/5 Senses technique and that can help ground me enough so that I can focus a bit more. It is as it says - you think about something you can feel, see, hear, taste and smell in the current moment.
Doing little things to ground yourself like taking sips of water, having a short walk, snacking etc. might be worth trying.
 
M

MidnightMusician

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Jul 17, 2014
Messages
134
Yeah thanks Somerset. I wasn't sure whether I'd posted this in the right place, as not really sure what it is. I guess it is depression as it certainly has some of its characteristics. Nothing like being out in the fresh air or having a cup of coffee or tea makes any difference. I just want it to go away as it's affecting every aspect of my life, but I guess that would take a miracle.

I'm just sick of doctors and therapists now really. Neither seem to understand and I never seem to get cured. Talking about how I feel doesn't make any difference or saying yeah I guess it's anxiety or guess it's depression ever stops it from happening. This is why medication feels like my last ditch solution. Yes, I was on fluoxetine for 2yrs but it was a long time ago. 1999/2000 & it helped tremendously at the time.

I just wish I could have some kind of brain scan or something more than just speculation from people and know the exact cause and then I'd know how to treat it. It kinda feels that part of my brain doesn't function right. At college nothing seems to go in sometimes. I just feel unstimulated and like there's no point in being there most of the time. I feel I just exist in this parallel universe and don't know how to get back to reality.
 
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maybe.shes.a.wildflower

maybe.shes.a.wildflower

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I struggle with concentration, one teacher in school particularly hated me as I always look so vacant but some goes in I just have to really try and read over and over and over. I think im quite a day dreamer though and get lost in thought elsewhere whilst on the job so to speak
 
M

MidnightMusician

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Yeah the trouble is wildflower is I come across as normal and most wouldn't even think there's anything wrong with me. I'm just convinced part of my brain that deals with processing information or memory in some way is impaired but getting this across to a therapist or doctor just seems fruitless. I just think what's the point. They'll never understand cause they don't suffer from these symptoms. It's just stopping my entire life. Affecting my self esteem, affecting me getting ahead in life, forming friendships and relationships, everything. I try to ignore it but it just keeps happening. One minute I feel sociable, the next not too and that's another side/thing.
 
maybe.shes.a.wildflower

maybe.shes.a.wildflower

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It came as a suprise to many that I was depressed too as I could be quite normal too. If you feel so strongly could you get a specialist referal?
 
M

MidnightMusician

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Jul 17, 2014
Messages
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Highly unlikely cause I'm kinda not believed to be fair. Like I imagine all these feelings. That's how it feels anyway. I do go through periods of getting headaches as well. One lasted 3 days on and off, medication only stopped it being permanent. I wanted a referral to a neurologist for those but couldn't get one. I just want to know exactly what it is and it cured.
 
F

friend123

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Mar 15, 2015
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Hey MidnightMusician,
I'm not a professional so can't give a definitive answer/solution which I know is what you're looking for. Unfortunately, with a lot of mental illnesses, neither can healthcare professionals and often all they can do is offer their best advice which sometimes doesn't seem like a solution as there's no vaccination or 'cure' they can simply administer. But here's my best advice, it might be something you've already heard of, if not then have a think about it.

I understand when you say you don't choose to think negatively or feel down, sometimes it becomes a subconscious habit of your brain. Like any habit, it can be overcome. The parts of your brain responsible for feeling better about yourself, more connected to others and more meaningful sound like they have become somewhat dormant. Think of those feelings like a muscle, the more you exercise the stronger you get. The same goes with those feelings. Unfortunately depression exercises the negative feelings without you being able to control it so it takes a conscious effort to reintroduce the more positive thoughts and feelings to strengthen those feelings to the point that they become habitual.

I hope that makes sense, it's how I view depression and the fight you have to put up with. Of course, there could be a reason for you to have a medical scan if there is a neurological or chemical imbalance but I wouldn't know where to stand with that one. Sometimes that seems like the easier solution as we would then hope to be administered a cure wothout having to put up such a horrible fight.

Be strong.
 
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