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What Is Recovery?

M

MattCSidd

New member
Joined
Jan 22, 2015
Messages
1
Location
UK
Hi there,
I'm a new poster so forgive me if this is in the wrong place. I'm 19 years old and a little over a month ago I attempted suicide for the 3rd time. It was my most serious attempt and I still think it's a miracle I'm still here.
I have spent the past month or so taking pleasure in things I'm doing, going out and seeing people and just trying to put it behind me. The only problem is, every now and then something will set me back off into depression mode and my head is filled with suicidal thoughts. I even have a draft of a suicide note planned out on my laptop. It written under the assumption, that as soon as I leave home again and go back to university later this year I'll kill myself.
I can't honestly say I don't want to die, but then I can't say that I do, I think I'm ambivalent towards death.
I just want to know what recovery feels like, am I in it right now? Is it normal to have these thoughts coming back?
Any help would be appreciated :)
 
Lincoln1990

Lincoln1990

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 18, 2013
Messages
10,130
In my opinion if you still have a draft of a suicide note saved you are not in recovery.

In my opinion recovery is where you don't think about suicide at all. If you are still thinking about it you are not in recovery in my opinion
 
Gajolene

Gajolene

Well-known member
Joined
May 30, 2012
Messages
7,824
Location
small town Ontario, Canada
Recovery for me is a long process, and has been continuing on for several years. There are times of setbacks and times where I've made huge leaps forward towards recovery. Recovery I've learned does not mean going back to being the person you were before you became ill. Rather accepting the changes within yourself that come in life, working through them, forgiving yourself for past mistakes and working towards a better future, even if you can't see what that future is at the moment.

Take life one day at a time, in small steps you can handle. Try not to overwhelm yourself with huge unachievable goals, and focus on learning to understand where your feelings/anxieties stem from in order to change negative thinking into positive thinking. Accepting help to get through the rough patches I think is important too, whether that be family, friends, doctors or therapists. Learning coping methods to help through the rough patches without relying on selfmedicating. Realizing things can get better and doing everything in your power for you to achieve that. And learning to love, accept, and respect yourself. That's what recovery is to me anyway. :peace:
 
C

Callalily

Guest
I don't think recovery is a particularly helpful term, I think it adds pressure for us to act and be in a certain way. I think we just "are", however that may be on any given day/week/month.

It seems to me like things are still a struggle for you, I think it can take a very long time to get over a suicide attempt and unfortunately there is often little support for this in the real world, or so I have found. The fact you have a note implies that you aren't ready to let go of suicide as a future option to me also.

I wonder what it is about leaving home and going to uni that makes you feel you will kill yourself? Is there something about uni that makes you not want to go back? Are you under the belief that if you are not living at home your death would be less traumatic for your family/friends? I think that is misguided.

What sort of support do you have at the minute?
 
L

lovagemuffin

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 21, 2014
Messages
640
I think its about living the way you lived before you got sick.
mental illness effects lots of areas of your life and I suppose it xould be about regaining skills and actitvities you once enjoyed which is all very positive.
 
maybe.shes.a.wildflower

maybe.shes.a.wildflower

ACCOUNT CLOSED
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Nov 25, 2014
Messages
4,861
Recovery for me i think will be living without anti depressants and not suffering with low mood or anger anymore but I dont think that will happen. Do people 'get better' from depression? Ive unsuccesfully tried to come off ADs three times and have been advised not to.

Have you had any form of therapy to help you towards your recovery?
 
R

Rose19602

Guest
Recovery for me i think will be living without anti depressants and not suffering with low mood or anger anymore but I dont think that will happen. Do people 'get better' from depression? Ive unsuccesfully tried to come off ADs three times and have been advised not to.

Have you had any form of therapy to help you towards your recovery?
I tried about 5 or 6 times too, but managed in the end. You can too....but take some time to understand withdrawl syndromes, the effects of these and how to taper effectively. If you understand this you stand a good chance of success, providing the depression has gone of course!

I wonder sometimes how long depression can truly last and how much of what we feel is withdrawl.
...but that's just my concerns on the matter.
x
 
maybe.shes.a.wildflower

maybe.shes.a.wildflower

ACCOUNT CLOSED
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Nov 25, 2014
Messages
4,861
I still feel it. When I was on citalopram I felt it so started to cross taper to mirtazipine and the reduction of cit made me crash so hard! It made me feel so low and on the mirt I dont feel an awful lot better but it is such a long wait for the other therapy's here :(
 
porkpie

porkpie

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 30, 2014
Messages
433
Location
England
I want to progress back onto oral medication instead of IM Abilify then slowly reduce the does to where I'm taking nothing, that would be the ideal recovery plan for me.
 
Kerome

Kerome

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Joined
Sep 29, 2013
Messages
12,752
Location
Europe
Recovery is about progress towards the point where you no longer feel ill, or have significant symptoms of being ill. Occasional thoughts of suicide, like once every few months, are not a big deal, while constant thinking about / assuming it will happen / preparing for it are.
 
C

cherbear

Guest
I have had depression since I was 13 I'm now 32 so for me it is not a case of recovery as such more how to cope with every day life I'm still learning it's an ongoing process through the years as I'm met with different challenges . My other half and I are planning to have kids so I'm kicking the learning process into overdrive as I'm no longer taking medication and not able to go back on it . Really sorry to hear you have been through such a low patch have only recently taken my second overdose so I feel for you . If you are still having suicidal thoughts please make sure you are getting the support you need and that others are aware of how you are feeling . Feel free to PM me if you would like to hunny , love and hugs :hug: xxxx
 
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