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What is bipolar like?

TheEagle15

TheEagle15

Member
Joined
Apr 12, 2020
Messages
14
Location
St. louis
Just read what bipolar is but I want to hear some real stories about it.
 
UpnDwn1978

UpnDwn1978

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 16, 2020
Messages
2,014
Location
Norway
I have bipolar 2 so I'm mostly depressed. I've always been prone to frequent changes in demeanor. For the most part I'm quiet, withdrawn and anxious, but sometimes I get very exited, energetic and my mind races with hundreds of thoughts, I'm unable to focus and want to do everything but can't accomplish anything because I tire of projects quickly and starts new ones. I get very creative and spend a lot of money on hobbies and things I get excited about in the spur of the moment only to regret it later. The energetic periods can be positive, but not always, sometimes they enhance my anxiety to the point of almost making me paranoid. The quiet depressed demeanor is the norm, while the energetic periods comes about once every two to three months and only lasts for a couple of weeks.

Because I'm on meds then energetic periods aren't as strong as they used to, but my depression is still pretty bad. When I was in my early 20's I had a couple of full blown manic episodes. I don't remember much but I thought I was invincible, that I could do anything and felt fearless. I partyed alot and did lots of stupid stuff like vandalism and bullying. I talked behind my friends backs, tried to steal one of my friends girlfriend and insinuated to her mother that my friend raped her (yeah it was really bad). At the same time I started to get into UFOS, occultism and other such nonsense. I believed aliens visited me at night and that I could use real magic. I also tried to commit suicide after a girl rejected me and had a period where I self harmed. Everything is very hazy, it was like I was drugged or in a dream. I got diagnosed and put on meds this all went away. This mania lasted for about a year give or take.

Last year was really tough due to some extreme financial difficulties and I tried to commit suicide again but I panicked and managed to save myself before I could finish. I also self harmed again last year. I was sent to a psychiatrist who promptly increased the dosage of my meds and got me on disability.

That's my experiences with bipolar in a nutshell.
 
InterruptingGirl

InterruptingGirl

Member
Joined
Jul 14, 2020
Messages
7
Location
UK
I was diagnosed with Bipolar I but not sure maybe I'm more II and certainly reading your reading your experiences, UpnDwn, I'm very similar. I'm mostly depressed too but get hyper at times with racing ideas (spending, crazy plans, creativity - to the point it all flashes in my mind so fast and so vivid I wish I was able to download my ideas to catch up with them later and work on all those mad but interesting creative ideas!). I've had one major manic episode about 6 years ago, completely out of character behaviour, like a different person, different likes, different personality, super sociable, confident, it's so disgusting and mortifying to even think about. V v v bad behaviour. Lasted about 8 months I think? I'm somewhat violent towards myself, self harm (but not cutting) and suicidal thoughts alot.
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
3,543
Location
Nashua NH
I have bipolar 2 so I'm mostly depressed. I've always been prone to frequent changes in demeanor. For the most part I'm quiet, withdrawn and anxious, but sometimes I get very exited, energetic and my mind races with hundreds of thoughts, I'm unable to focus and want to do everything but can't accomplish anything because I tire of projects quickly and starts new ones. I get very creative and spend a lot of money on hobbies and things I get excited about in the spur of the moment only to regret it later. The energetic periods can be positive, but not always, sometimes they enhance my anxiety to the point of almost making me paranoid. The quiet depressed demeanor is the norm, while the energetic periods comes about once every two to three months and only lasts for a couple of weeks.

Because I'm on meds then energetic periods aren't as strong as they used to, but my depression is still pretty bad. When I was in my early 20's I had a couple of full blown manic episodes. I don't remember much but I thought I was invincible, that I could do anything and felt fearless. I partyed alot and did lots of stupid stuff like vandalism and bullying. I talked behind my friends backs, tried to steal one of my friends girlfriend and insinuated to her mother that my friend raped her (yeah it was really bad). At the same time I started to get into UFOS, occultism and other such nonsense. I believed aliens visited me at night and that I could use real magic. I also tried to commit suicide after a girl rejected me and had a period where I self harmed. Everything is very hazy, it was like I was drugged or in a dream. I got diagnosed and put on meds this all went away. This mania lasted for about a year give or take.

Last year was really tough due to some extreme financial difficulties and I tried to commit suicide again but I panicked and managed to save myself before I could finish. I also self harmed again last year. I was sent to a psychiatrist who promptly increased the dosage of my meds and got me on disability.

That's my experiences with bipolar in a nutshell.
With the length and extent of your manias I’m surprised you haven’t been diagnosed Bipolar 1. The manias that you have described certainly sound like full blown manias to me. xo, j
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
3,543
Location
Nashua NH
I am diagnosed Bipolar 1 and am mostly depressed but can experience up to year long manias usually when I am off my meds. My manias usually involve megalomania where i think I am super attractive, super talented and am friends with all sort of preeminent people that i have never met in real life. I develop a concept of myself as a “power player” even though I am 43, on disability, living with my parents, do not work and have few friends. I start to develop all sorts of ideas for businesses, some of which are more realistic than others. I try to follow through on a few of them sometimes but never get anywhere with it because I have too much else going on. This past episode I thought I was real life friends with popular rap artists and that we were going to partner together in philanthropic activities like providing clothing to third world countries. I rented a storage unit to help support this project that I am still paying on to this day. I generally become hyper sexual and during this last mania I became active on a swingers site and had sex with a bunch of strangers indiscriminately. I drove recklessly on several occasions, had my license suspended and ended up with reckless and negligent criminal charges that I am on probation on for now. The list goes on and on. These were some happenings from my last mania that lasted about a year. After this I crashed into a deep suicidal depression and tried to kill myself twice ending up hospitalized both times. My diagnosis of bipolar is considered severe and i have been on disability for it for almost ten years now. In that time I have had three full blown manias lasting six months to a year each, usually when I have been off my meds.
 
Topcat

Topcat

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 8, 2018
Messages
3,865
Very similar to @UpnDwn1978 although high stress situations seem to trigger the mood disruptions and I've had my diagnosis "downgraded" to recurrent depression with anxiety since nearly 2 years ago because my mental health had become much more stable.
I've embarrassed myself in hypomania, behaved like a tit, believed random things about myself like I'm some kind of spiritual godly creature who knows more than anyone else and can heal and send love to anyone with the power of thought. I would give personal details and information away, give money away, basically not thinking beyond the very first thing in my head. But mostly I suffered with depression, 8 months out of 12. Been suicidal several times, again believed random things like my house was cursed, my husband was spying on me and wanted me dead, made me think killing myself and my children would be the best thing. It was so disruptive and crap, and made me self analyse endlessly, has lost me my confidence and friendships and done who knows what psychological damage to my kids although I internalised a lot of it. I'm so afraid they'll end up the same as me.
 
Beauty in Darkness

Beauty in Darkness

Member
Joined
Jul 3, 2020
Messages
18
Location
Illinois USA
As a child, I didn't have symptoms of bipolar disorder or depression but at the age of 13 is when I changed. First of all, I had something very traumatic happen to me at age 13 and since then I have struggled. After that, I was depressed all the time and had major anxiety. At age 15 I started developing more manic episodes. I had a really hard time with stealing, hypersexual activity, thinking that I was super hot and that all the men wanted me. It was racing thought after racing thought and slurred or spead up speech. At 17, I lived on my own and would spend days doing something creative. Usually writing or drawing. I stayed awake for 6 days with only 2 hours of sleep if I was able to. At 18 yr old, I was sent to the hospital because I was self-harming, this is when I was diagnosed with bipolar 1. I spent years doing trial and error on a medication that may work and I have seen many therapists. At the time nothing worked for me. Just 6 years ago I started taking medication (Lamictal) and it has been so good for me. It is not a cure-all but it helps me more stable so that I don't get full-blown manic. I do continue to have Anxiety, PTSD, and Depression difficulties but also not as problematic as it once was. I have chronic nightmares due to PTSD, medication does not help me with that or my anxiety but I have found that using Cannabis is very helpful. When I smoke/vape I don't dream at all and sleep better. Cannabis helps to relax me during the day too if I am having a hard time with Anxiety...which anxiety is a part of my everyday life, and I don't mean a normal level of Anxiety. My anxiety makes me physically sick and I cannot function, manage, or cope sometimes. Anyway, that's me in a nutshell.
 
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