What if...

[Bumblebee]

Not sure if I'm posting in the right place yet as I don't have a current diagnosis but this is a "depressive" type rant so... Just wanting to get these thoughts out somewhere, you don't have to read.

What if I'm not fixable? What if I'm destined to be this way for good? What if there's no point in making some people better? What if some people just made bad choices and it's their fault they are messed up and the world would be better off without them?

What if sometimes it's just too late and the damage is done? What if some people where just born with bad genes and bad situations and should just be left to remove themselves from life because the world would be better without them dragging it down?

Why did I have kids? Why am I having another? What if I pass my genetics on to them and I've set them up for a life of suffering? Why was I born? What hope is there?

Why should anyone care how I feel? Why should anyone help me? The world is perfectly ok without me. People live their lives and are happy. Why does it matter if I stick around? Why am I worth getting help? I'm a nothing. I don't even know who I am. I can't do anything. I'm no good at my job. I can't keep my house clean. I just want to sleep. What's the point. What if there is no point? What if I'm deluding myself and there's really nothing to look forward to anyway. What if this is all there is?

 

[whatstheproblem?]

Welcome

Welcome to my world, and the world of many others. Not that this is any help but just wanted to let you know that I'm sure everyone feels like this at some point in their lives... And it's feeling like this constanty, persistently and extremely that I understand as being depression. It's shit. It's the woRst, and I suppose we exist in the hope that one day this won't be our situation, it won't be the case that we wake up wishing we hadn't, and go to sleep hoping we won't (wake up). So you are not alone. And at some point hopefully you will get some respite from your thoughts and feelings. Enjoy you're children, they need you. Live for them if not for yourself. xx

 

[Adi01]

No doubt your having a completely shit day. With any depressive illness the negative thoughts shout very loud on bad days and the questions you are asking are nothing new and easily recognisable. Donjt beat yourself over these thoughts, except you are having a shit day and remember tomorrow is another day....best of luck.

 

[DELATEXT]

fear

I am manic, I am panic, I am speed,
I am tension tight, taunt,
I am the cause of your emotional need,
I am the memories that always haunt,
I am pain magnified,
I am sorrow that never dies,
I am the demon of your self worth,
I am your curse since birth,
I am waiting every day, so cold and gray,
I am curses stitched to your soul,
I am the monster who loses control,
Whispering, roaring in your ear,
I am you, I am your fear...