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blueflames

blueflames

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Apr 1, 2014
Messages
3,705
Location
Anywhere but reality
Hey Scorps

Really sad to read you are not doing so good. You are such an amazing support to others here, I almost forget that you suffer too :unsure:

Yeah, services are about as helpful as shitting in your hand and clapping. I am not sure it is just people with BPD who suffer either, tho they do seem to be the first to be bounced out with no help!

I wish I had some great advice for you but obviously I don't. I just wanted to send my love and wish you better.

I am always in PM if you want to talk xxxxxxx
 
keepsafe

keepsafe

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 15, 2008
Messages
13,626
Hello Somerset and so sorry to hear you are struggling so much (((((((hugs))))).

I am going to come from a different angle here but to very much the same conclusion - hope no one minds?

I have a great team, my s.w. is fully understanding of my emotional difficulties and backs me up all the way, even to the point of helping me get off my anti psychs - He understands my emotional difficulties and the fact that it is so hard for me to like myself, he says everyone struggles with emotional difficulties but just not to the extremes we do.

My doctor has been my greatest supporter - she ha always been there for me even in a crisis and hasn't pushed me too far, even when I was anorexic she didn;t force me in to anything, being weighed etc. Then I got fat and couldn;t stand myself, despised myself with a passion - she still didn;t push me in to anything then. She has been with me throughout my whole experience and has been wonderful.

I have had great therapists and have also finished two and a half years of d.b.t. which was a bit bizarre and I didn;t always agree with the methods. But they were all there pushing me on.

I am starting therapy again in June, I am sure this won't be the last time either.

What any of the above people will NOT do is rescue me, they make it very clear (expect when I am psychotic) that all decisions are mine to make whether right or wrong and I should choose whether to carry on or end it.

I am NOT saying any of this is easy and boy have I been in crisis, I have been admitted a fair few times and also had the crisis team for prolonged periods(whom I have to agree with everyone else are shite).

At the end of the day it all comes down to ME and what I decide to do - I have realised that after much sould searching. I still have really bad times, I still despise myself sometimes and wish I were with my father, often thinking I must have his evil genes and deserve nothing better.

I still hear voices on a daily basis, I still think about suicide daily and harming myself or others. Who is perfect anyway?

I do know this though: I deserve better, I am a kind, considerate, loving person - I have friends who say this to me.

Even though I have been through so much torture and abuse, I still think there is hope and that is simply because there always is!

We must put our selves first and as always use tiny steps to progress, even if we fall by the wayside sometimes.

WE ARE TOUGH - WE WILL NOT BREAK

I suppose I have been one of the lucky ones, I have to say despite everything I have been through

Good luck to all with their long journeys ahead, its a struggle, no easy way out despite what path you choose.

Love to you all
KS
xxxx
 
bluemoon2

bluemoon2

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 26, 2014
Messages
108
When I was first diagnosed with BPD I had no idea of the amount of stigma the condition gets. I told two people and within a week they gave me so much abuse for my condition all because they knew someone with BPD who hurt their friend in a relationship and because they pretty much believe everything they read on google and think that must be how all people with BPD behave. I can relate to the MH teams being bogus too when you end up in A&E after self harming or feeling suicidal - the nurses are rough with your injuries, rough with taking blood pressure and they won't admit you because of lack of beds/the fear of becoming dependent on doctors etc. Hang in there as best as you can, you've given so many people great advice on here and I want to return advice. BPD is a proper condition and these professionals need to start treating it as such. Modt of us have an empty hole which can never be filled therefore I think it's wrong google labels us as attention-seekers and crying out for help on our A&E visits. There is stigma across all mental illnesses, even when I told people I had anxiety the stigma wasn't any that much different to what we get with BPD and thats because people aren't properly educated in schools, workplaces, colleges etc on mental health. People are only told about the most common ones causing all mental illnesses to be seen as 'one single mental illness' and that's why stigma is such a problem.
 
D

diabolicalme

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 10, 2014
Messages
121
Location
London
Oh ss I'm relieved you didn't give in to the SH urges and you beat the stigma-ridden shitbags so to speak. I relate to every word everyone has written on this thread and actually feel distressed in recognition of it all but thankfully understood by you lot too. Only we know from bitter shared experience how the medical professionals/services treat us (with a few caring exceptions), NOW I know why I had a cannula roughly & painfully inserted in A&E 2 weeks' ago & left like that for hours..yes, yes, thanks to this post it all makes sense now - and the cold shoulders, the 'attitude', the whispers amongst various staff, and the empty promises for follow up that came to nothing. So, we all share here what goes on, how we're totally unjustifiably treated like little turds, despite being in genuine severe emotional pain crying out for someone to listen and care and help, just for even a short time to boost our inner fragile selfs. But no. Once labelled you're doomed. All that crappy self soothing stuff, yeah like it's so easy when in utter despair with intense emotions/emptiness. I wish.

I also think of you as strong ss cos you're always here for others saying the right things, but you are fighting the tough fight too, it's easy to forget. I sincerely hope you're in a better space by now, that you're pulling on through. Well done for not giving in that takes some inner strength to have got through. Good on you.

Love to all here, we're all brave soldiers. xxxx
 
A

anklebiter

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 7, 2011
Messages
288
Location
Aberdeenshire
Somerset. I thought to be properly diagnosed with bpd one had to have a proper assessment by a psych and it doesn't sound like you received one. I was diagnosed after an assessment by a psvch and to this day I still dispute the diagnosis, most people who know me say I am quiet, gentle and kind and a pushover but according to psychs I am in denial and just hiding my darkside from others. I have had all sorts of abuse and crap thrown at me over the years from professionals. The one thing that has helped is coming on here and reading your posts. I know you have been through a lot and you seem to handle your problems with strength and bravery. I know you have had to struggle alone and I really admire you for that. I too have been struggling alone for over a year now and as hard as it is, I would rather be this way then be further damaged by the system. It's actually been you that makes me feel less alone. I've noticed that a lot of people with bpd do not have supportive families and that could be why the system does not want to care for us, the system is already overburdened and the last thing professionals want is to play surrogate parents with us, they don't have the time, or inclination. It's our families job to care and if they don't- well to bad. I was told by a therapist that I need to accept I am alone and that life will be tough but I do have things to be grateful for. I knew a little of that therapists background and she had more than I could ever dream of. She is now retired and living in Australia as she missed her family. I think some professionals just aren't cut out to understand. In this capitalist society it really is just a job to them. Please stay strong, I think you're amazing!
 
B

broken1

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 23, 2015
Messages
104
Location
U.S.
Hugs ss. I just wanted to say I totally understand. It can all feel so hopeless. No advice...just empathy.
 
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