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What help is there?

SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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Aug 17, 2012
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Location
The West Country
Feeling really bad at the moment. Well, that's not true - i'm not feeling anything at all and i'm also feeling everything.

It's been no secret that I think the BPD label isn't accurate but hey ho, i'm stuck with it.
I was so eager to appear 'good' and 'non-borderline' when I saw the pdoc Thursday that I withheld a lot about how bad i'm really feeling.

Why has it got to be like this? Why does the BPD label mean you're on your own?
Why is it not seen by a lot of professionals as a legitimate illness?

There is no help. The crisis team play a dangerous game of reverse psychology when you say you're suicidal.
Guidelines say that it's not good for people with BPD to go into hospital because they can get too used to being cared for. Like, god fucking forbid a Borderline should feel like a part of the human race and have their needs met for one second.

I'm sick of the anxiety not being recognised.. the palpitations, the nightmares, the sweating, feeling like i'm going into some battle when I just need some milk from the shop.

Right now i'm thinking fuck it, i'll just self-harm like is expected of me (even though it's been three years) because at least i'll feel something and get some fucked-up sense of accomplishment.

I can't stand this loneliness, this exile, this "you've got to learn to soothe yourself", this living on an island that's cut off from the rest of humanity.
(Offline) friends are fucking phonies. Family are fucked up. What's the fucking point in being here?
I can't bear the thought of another OD and being treated like human garbage in A&E, but I can't bear the thought of going on much longer either.
 
Anime-Alchemy

Anime-Alchemy

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Oct 21, 2013
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On a comet
Sis please don't give up :hug1: you can make it, I believe in you! I'mm your virtual pet dog and as your pet dog I won't give up on you. Can you not change your pdoc?
 
U

UMPALUMPA

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May 15, 2015
Messages
1,802
somerset please dont hurt your self, them shit bags dont know the half of what we ho through do they.

Pm me anytime you know that. :hug5:

always remember you are not your diagnosis we are all unique . X

I wish that blpd lable was removed and properly diagnosed with a respectable lable at least.
 
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Lincoln1990

Lincoln1990

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Jan 18, 2013
Messages
10,131
Don't hurt yourself. It's not worth it. They're not worth it. They're not worth your sobriety from self harm.

Please don't hurt yourself. You can always PM me. You helped me so much last night and I would like to return the favor. Please don't hesitate to PM me.

I think the stigma with BPD is stupid. People are people. It doesn't matter their diagnoses. They're still people. Everyone should be treated with respect.

:hug1:
 
Anime-Alchemy

Anime-Alchemy

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Yes sis, please don't hurt yourself, or else I will come down there and hug you all day long.

Do you guys think that doctors can be arrogant just because they think they know it all or maybe not that, but because we patients are not qualified like them?
 
Kerome

Kerome

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Europe
Somerset, it's not really fair what gets done to the BPD crowd, I totally agree. It's all very well for them to say "you have to learn to self soothe" but I think they are just not up to the job of teaching.

And I agree with Lincoln, please don't self harm, they are not worth the cost of your sobriety.

Many hugs, I hope it passes soon and you feel better :hug:
 
U

UMPALUMPA

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May 15, 2015
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I better not post on this thread I will just swear a lot about how blpd is discriminated against

pm me somerset, hope ya ok x
 
N

notrealname

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766
Does anyone ever actually say that? "You have to learn to self-soothe?" I mean, seriously? They do realise that people with depression have to learn to self-soothe...and people with anxiety...those two disorders are also disorders connected to difficulty self-soothing.

Self-soothing literally means 'being kind to yourself'. It means when you've had a bad time, you don't beat yourself up about it, you treat yourself with kindness, compassion and nurturance. Which is not what people with depression or anxiety do, which is why they also can't self-soothe.

If any actual mental health worker says anything so recklessly idiotic as "you have to learn to self soothe" I am amazed they still have a job!

I'm not saying self soothing isn't what we all need to learn, of course we do. People with anxiety need to learn to soothe their anxiety instead of looking for external reassurance, people with depression literally need to learn how to "cheer themselves up". That's what CBT is about. It's basically what all therapies are about. But the point of self-soothing is that a person in a supportive environment begins learning it when they're about three. Telling a fully grown adult to "go away and learn how to self soothe" is like screaming "go learn Icelandic!" in their face and then expecting them to come back fluent in the morning without so much as phrasebook. In fact, it's harder than that, because you don't have to unlearn English to learn Icelandic. But you do have to unlearn self-criticism to learn self-soothing.

Eurgh...

Anyway, rant over. I hope that these have only been a couple of experiences for you and are not actually what the world is like, Somerset. I understand there is a stigma around BPD, and tbh until I started coming on mental health forums I actually believed it due to the couple of people I happened to have met with BPD who were violent, but then I found out that not everyone with BPD is the same (obviously, duh) and it is possible to have BPD and be a really nice, compassionate and mature person (which is exactly how you come across). Have you been to your GP and asked to see a schema therapist or DBT practitioner? They're supposed to be really good for both PDs and chronic Axis I conditions. I had schema and DBT for an Axis I condition and it was the best thing I'd ever had.

Also, if you're unsure of diagnosis (I was misdiagnosed as bipolar once - I don't experience mood swings so it was a bizarre diagnosis...), you can appeal. Ask for another session with a psychiatrist and have them explain to you exactly what they think your diagnosis is, why they think that is your diagnosis (giving you a chance to correct any misunderstandings) and what kind of steps there are available to you.
 
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SarahD

SarahD

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Oct 21, 2014
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UK
Somerset, I agree with everything you wrote. It is disgusting how people with BPD and PDs in general are treated, and it is all a load of rubbish. I don't understand why MH services are not organised around actually helping people who need help, no matter the diagnosis. There is so much wrong with it, no wonder patients end up resentful and hating MH.

However I have come to the conclusion the only help we can rely on comes from ourselves.

I want to agree that you are intelligent, compassionate, well rounded personality, and mature - I was surprised to find you were so young. I would be very happy to have you as my friend or family member.

Please don't let them get you down.
 
C

Caro5

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Apr 3, 2015
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169
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Too far from home
I am just sending some support. I have struggled for years with the 'be kind to yourself stuff' never really getting a grip on what if meant at all. I think I am finally starting to get the idea but it's not easy at all. I don't know why so many mental health professionals seem to have no imagination. If they did they'd understand how, when we are in the dark places, it's nigh on impossible to be positive about or care for ourselves. It takes huge courage to keep going and you are doing it Somerset and supporting others in the forum at the same time. This makes you one of the worlds good guys and if you can't believe it right now then your friends on here will just have to extra believe it for you.
 
Sparklypurplepaws

Sparklypurplepaws

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Oct 12, 2013
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Lincolnshire
Sending love ss, I totally agree with all you put - I got that label 7ish years ago by a consultant in a pysc ward who'd seen me once! My pyschatrist disagreed with the diagnosis but the label sticks. The crisis team never take me seriously, and never offer admissions even when I clearly need it.
It's just not fair!
Love to you x
 
M

MarlieeB

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Jan 15, 2013
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25,096
It's bad when you hear stories like yours and also sad because I hear it so, so often.7

I hope you don't hurt you and you know I am here anytime

xxx
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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Joined
Aug 17, 2012
Messages
13,534
Location
The West Country
Thank you so much everybody for your hugs and thoughtful replies. It's so very appreciated.

I'm sorry (but not surprised) that other people here know what the stigma is like around the label. :unsure:

Purplepaws - my experience was similar.
I got the label by a doctor on a ward except it wasn't even the doc who saw me, it was his junior (Dr in training). So without even meeting me, he gave me this label. Apparently this guy is a specialist in PDs.. so yeah, totally unbiased. :rolleyes:

So I haven't reached out for any professional help at all because I know what would happen.
There are too many painful memories and experiences to ever make me want to put any trust in the crisis team again.
Of course I will tell my CC when I next see her, but won't hold my breath for anything useful to come of that.

I did manage to refrain from self-harming, which i'm pleased about. Would have been pretty upset with myself if i'd have done it.
I just distracted myself making pointless crap from stuff i've got in my craft bag and then had a nap.
I think it's all just going to be a matter of taking things day by day and using distraction techniques.
 
Faylen

Faylen

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Apr 25, 2015
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372
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England
Sorry for the lateness of this response - not long been on so just catching up on this thread.

I am glad that you did not self - harm (hug) that is a good thing x

I find it confusing how a stranger can diagnose someone within an hour when they can not possibly know what it is like to be that person - or if that person is even telling the full truth or what that person is really feeling or the underlying causes. It just seems stupid. Surely the mind is a complex organ. Labels in general alarm me in all honesty... perhaps it would not be a bad idea to attempt to be reevaluated - when the time was right for you.. Hmm..

Hmm distractions and day by day are sometimes the best thing - less pressure just keep on moving.

It is clear that you are a strong good hearted person - I hope that things get a bit easier for you xxx
 
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