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what have i done



Hi. About 4 years ago my mum started reveiving carers allowence for me. I live with my partner. As people will notice that i dont live with my mum. My mum is a single mum with my brother whos 16 in april. Mum lives in our family home and her rent is £550 a month and she claims income support. She dosent work as she is my full time carer. But me and partner are struggling as im in the support group of esa and hes been asked to goto work focused interviews in a month. But he is the one who looks after me as we live togethor and he looks after me every day. Mum makes excuses and wont come over to my house. I no she is doing the carers now but i spoke to my dr and he says my partner should receive carers. So today i seen my social worker. And we went though the provess online to cancel carers allowence. I feel really bad as my mum cnt cope if she had to goto work. Online it said mum will get a letter confirmimg cancelation of the carers. Im feeling really bad. I feel vunerable. How the hell do i explain that to my mum when she get the letter. She will disown me. And say i chose my partner over her. And maybe all my family wil disown me. Everytime i am not busy i think about killing myself when the te comes when she has a go at me. What do i do now i feel soo lost x


Well-known member
Feb 25, 2013
Maybe you should tell her yourself before she gets the letter.. i know thats going to be a hard conversation to have, but maybe you're doing the right thing. Since the austerity measurers they are canceling carers allowance all over the shop. if shes claiming for you and you don't live with her, now maybe a good time to make the change. Telling someone you Love bad news is never going to be easy.. but if she finds out by letter.. she could feel you were going behind her back kind of thing.. if you were in that situation, isn't the first thing you would ask is 'why didn't they tell me ?'

If you talk to your mother, maybe she will understand. since the economy hit the wall everybody is being squeezed. If you go round and tell her yourself.. at least she won't be able to say you didn't even tell her. If she finds out by letter.. you may end up getting both barrels. (sorry.. i was thinking of my mother)

Its an unenviable position to be in.. kinda dammed if you do, dammed if you don't. If it was me, i'd tell them.. after that there is no more you can do. at least you'll have been honest about it.

Maybe you could reassure your mum it doesn't mean you are moving on, and are going to forget about her anytime soon. i know she's your carer, but that doesn't mean you can't support her to. And as for money.. its only money. Can't imagine you're going to see your mother turned out into the street because she can't pay her rent.

I wish you all the luck in the world, and will have my fingers crossed for you.



Well-known member
Nov 9, 2012
Tell you mum what you have done so she is prepared. The bottom line is though that if she is no longer you carer which she is clearly not if she continued to claim these benefits then she would be committing fraud, and if some one reported that she would be in considerable trouble, so really you are doing the right thing via the law and are making sure that she cannot be accused of claiming for what she should not be, if she cannot work due to ill health then she needs to go through the assessment and benefit for herself on this.


Hi dreamz,
The others are right-it is best that you tell her first. Hopefully she will understand. Ultimately, your partner is the one who is entitled to the carer's money and while this may cause your mum financial worries that is her responsibility to sort out this herself.

Take it easy-you are doing the right thing-I hope she can see that.

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