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What happened to me

Vanilla Sky

Vanilla Sky

Well-known member
Aug 16, 2009
Ok this is really difficult for me to explain i'm just hoping someone might understand.

About four years ago now i went out one day perfectly happy to see an aishow but something changed. Sometime during the afternoon i started to feel really lost and detached, the whole journey back i knew something was seriously wrong....each day after that i woke up with the same unbearable feeling...i couldn't think or function properly....after a few days i felt so lost and depressed i hardly ate or said a word...i just sat there for days..i have only ever felt that same intense feeling once before in my life but that disappeared within a matter of miuntes..... It's like i have no past or future...my sense of self is gone...whatever i do where ever i go i am always conscious that something huge is missing......none of this makes sense....i feel like i could be on another planet and i wouldn't feel any more lost than i do now....i cant seem to cope in any kind of social situation even just visiting a friend once a week can be a huge ordeal....

I'm on anti depressants, seen a counselor but nothing really helps...every time i try and write my problems down i just feel like giving up...I' can't seem to find any explanation or understanding...

...i know before all of this i had spent months pretty much contained in my own world but i was perfectly happy then...the other thing that i sometimes wonder about is certain times when i felt quite uncomfortable if i broke my routine...something simple like having nothing to watch on tv in the evening or there was a time when i used to go to the pub every weekend...when i stopped that i felt really bad but i managed and soon got back into normality...interestingly the other time that i felt that same intense feeling was when i went away for a couple of days...maybe that's just a coincidence though...

I really dont know


What happened with any of us?

I can trace certain things back - But I was a normal teenager; & one evening; I became very euphoric, suffered a massive psychotic break in the space of around a minute; was convinced the Devil was after me & was controlling an Alien plot to turn all the people of the World into Zombies - & I was sectioned less than a week later. I am still trying to figure it all out now, some 20 years later.

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