what goes up must come down

L

lillyjj

New member
Joined
Jul 16, 2015
Messages
1
Ive had this problem before i tried to stay away from being happy cos when i crash with just a few negative thoughts .I crash big time.
I find im trying to help myself but i cant seem to find any balance at all. Thats what its all about for us isnt it balance. Keeping our emotions stable.
I was in deep dark depression for the longest time. It was 10 years in fact being suicidal and ive worked so hard to get out of that.
I have managed to get in a better place but. I cant let myself get too possitive cos of the fall afterwards. All i can do at the moment is swing from one to the other.
I feel like im headed for a crash. In a way i cope better when im down in the gutter. I know that place like the back of my hand. Its home in a twisted sort of way.
But i dont want the hollow pain in my guts. I want to fly. But we dont get to do that do we us Borderliners. We are never in a good place for long.
Has anyone managed to stay stable or found some way to normalise? Im trying at the moment possitive affirmations. They where working really well and i was doing really well for a week and a bit. But some really bad devestating thoughts came in and i started unraveling again. Im now crashed and it feels safe again now im home. Now im on the floor with broken wings. This is how we are meant to be. The universe wants us to be crawling on the ground. Im not at the bleeding and raw stage yet but that might be to follow.
But the affirmations got me out of a hopeless place and my physical health improved too. Its been quite miraculous. Everyone said what a difference they had seen in me. I just want to stablise. Any wisdom from anyone.
 
Unique1

Unique1

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 27, 2015
Messages
8,765
Location
UK
Hiya Lillyjj.

Don't think I've got much wisdom right now I'm afraid, although I wanted to welcome you to the forum, and for you to know I understand.
This forum helps me a lot. I guess it gives me some respite to help and offer kind words to others who are suffering, and interact with people whom I feel understand how I feel.
I hope you too can find some comfort in this forum.

Welcome!
Unique1 x
 
standon

standon

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 21, 2015
Messages
612
Location
uk
Hi n welcome to you, much like unique says, i have found it to be very useful towards recovery, I try to comment too when im able n can say the right thing, the forum is a good place to help us in these deep thoughts,

I slip in and out of happiness like a yo yo, you try to cope but it gets so waring, it would be nice to feel genuine happiness for longer periods, ive started at journal on here too, it does help to reflect how your moods are and how your doing, wish you well n hopefully bump into you on some other topics commenting tek care x
 
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