What does your depression feel like?

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Midlifecrash

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#1
I know everyone is different. I am curious what your depression feels like.
For me ... I feel sick. It washes over me very quickly like I’ve hit a wall. It’s like am getting the flu and have a fever (which I don’t). My body aches and I am so exhausted. It’s physically hard to move. My head is a fog and feels like it is being squeezed. Emotionally I am just drained. I’m not sad ... not really ... just here. I force myself to work and force myself to smile ... and very briefly I feel like my smile is real and I try to hold onto it. But it doesn’t last.
I nap when I get home, I’m in bed early and hit my alarm 100 times each morning. Yet I am still so tired.
It is how I am feeling right now. I hate it.
 
Victorianna

Victorianna

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#2
I have depression and anxiety, and it’s hard to separate which is causing what feelings, but I’d say depression feels like being locked inside your mind and unable to really enjoy life and do the things you want to do. Sometimes it lifts a bit, and then I feel, “oh, this is what life should feel like!”, but unfortunately for me it’s chronic, so I’ve just gotten used to it. Medication helps - I don’t think I’d be functional without it.
 
R

Ramson bangers

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#3
A soulless, empty, feeling which comes from my chest. At worst it sent me to sleep and stopped me functioning at work and home. Was just too much to handle. Then i heard about Aaron Lennon, a footballer who headed me in the right direction, A&E..
 
M

megirl

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#4
This is my experience of that nasty word depression
Depression is like a dark cloud enveloping me. Its like I am an insider looking in. I appear to be participating in life when actually I'm not. What's getting me through is the thought of going back to bed.
To be hiding in my bed I shut out the world,pretending I have no responsibilities. The mask is slipping I dont know how much longer I vam carry on pretending.

Those days are gone thank goodness.
I truly empathise.
Do you know though in my heart I knew there was hope. Things do and will get better.
One day those clouds will go away,
Do keep posting you will get support,
Try to be kind to yourself,
 
R

Ramson bangers

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#5
I knew there was hope too megirl. Mainly because my body reacted in such a way that i knew there must be a reset button somewhere. I was zombified. People could see i had no soul. The dark cloud brings with it many subtle lessons and signs. It presents them in abstract ways and i got lost trying to figure it all out, but it passes.
 
BLACKER

BLACKER

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#6
I know everyone is different. I am curious what your depression feels like.
For me ... I feel sick. It washes over me very quickly like I’ve hit a wall. It’s like am getting the flu and have a fever (which I don’t). My body aches and I am so exhausted. It’s physically hard to move. My head is a fog and feels like it is being squeezed. Emotionally I am just drained. I’m not sad ... not really ... just here. I force myself to work and force myself to smile ... and very briefly I feel like my smile is real and I try to hold onto it. But it doesn’t last.
I nap when I get home, I’m in bed early and hit my alarm 100 times each morning. Yet I am still so tired.
It is how I am feeling right now. I hate it.
Everyone experiences depression differently.

For me, its just to shut down everything.
I still remember when I was having my final year in university, there were many things triggered me. Ex: feeling disconnect with friends, admire roommate because she has a lot of online friends, admire someone who is active in extra-curriculum, hate myself being not productive.

During that time, I switch off the lights, fan, and wear ear phone.
I still remembered my earphone was not connected with my phone,
because I am too jealous when my housemates were chitchating happily for one another...

I am appreciated with my roommate, she always helped me to switch on the light and fan, just like lighting out my lonely, empty heart...

What I did the most during that period is I always missed my bed..
I always what to lay on my bed for 24 hours unless I wanna go to toilet or eat...
My eyes always full of tears, my mouth always covered by pillow just make sure ppl cant listen to my crying...

Midlifecrash, what is your feeling right now? Is it better?
 
M

Midlifecrash

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Feb 16, 2019
Messages
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Canada
#7
Everyone experiences depression differently.

For me, its just to shut down everything.
I still remember when I was having my final year in university, there were many things triggered me. Ex: feeling disconnect with friends, admire roommate because she has a lot of online friends, admire someone who is active in extra-curriculum, hate myself being not productive.

During that time, I switch off the lights, fan, and wear ear phone.
I still remembered my earphone was not connected with my phone,
because I am too jealous when my housemates were chitchating happily for one another...

I am appreciated with my roommate, she always helped me to switch on the light and fan, just like lighting out my lonely, empty heart...

What I did the most during that period is I always missed my bed..
I always what to lay on my bed for 24 hours unless I wanna go to toilet or eat...
My eyes always full of tears, my mouth always covered by pillow just make sure ppl cant listen to my crying...

Midlifecrash, what is your feeling right now? Is it better?
I can so relate to just wanting to lie in my bed. Even at work I count the hours till I can get home and just lie down.
 
H

Heljun

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Feb 26, 2019
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Paris
#8
I can so relate too. Constant need/want to hide away from the world in bed, no real sadness even, just no interest or energy, and a mild disgust as to who i've become/am. No affect, except yes, this mild disgust, immense fatigue. I wonder if this type of depression is typical of bipolar, since I know people who're "just" depressed and will maybe describe more insomnia, crying bouts, acting out, extreme despair. Interestingly my depression episodes were never recognized or addressed by my shrink, even though after my manic bouts i spent about two years at about 18/20 hours a day in bed. Because I managed to work a little from my bed and present okay-is when meeting him. He always acted like it was somehow only the flip-side/punishment/fatigue from my manic bout (the fatigue part was right, of course, after barely sleeping for 8 months), and like it wasn't his problem. Guess he couldn't really do anything for me though, cause I have severe bipolar 1 and I think antidepressants are totally out of question.
 
L

letmein

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Oct 10, 2016
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648
#9
how can i answer this?

my best friend? my worst enemy!

a dark fog.

it spins me round untill i fall over.

the one thing thats wnats to kill me.
 
blacksmoke

blacksmoke

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#10
Firstly its not my depression! Its just something I struggle with and don’t like to give it much air time.

I mean today was severely bad just at one point in the day and unexpected but I made the decision to not beat myself up about it and then managed to rescue the rest of the day. now that is a first, well one as dramatic as that. As depression can run and run. But like I said its not my depression its something that I struggle with.

What I am discovering is that where you put your focus is where you will have your experience. Today really emphasised that for me in a way that has not ever happened before.
 
BPDevil

BPDevil

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Hell
#11
dull, empty, unmotivated, no energy or passion

I didn't realise I had depression because it became the norm for me, I just assumed everyone felt the same
 
Urban Hermit

Urban Hermit

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#12
Empty, detached, distant, drowning in a sea of darkness, sometimes no thoughts and other times a thousand screaming to be heard inside my head, cold, emotionless, robotic, inhuman......
 
ShadesOfTheRubix

ShadesOfTheRubix

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#13
Like I'm just pissing in the wind and all I can hope is I don't get it on my hands bc someone stole my hand sanitizer.
 
ShadesOfTheRubix

ShadesOfTheRubix

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#14
Like I'm just pissing in the wind and all I can hope is I don't get it on my hands bc someone stole my hand sanitizer.

I make light of a obviously serious matter. I'm usually left feeling helpless, like i'm only the passenger on this voyage. I just do my part and pray for the best.
 
M

myjourney2

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#15
Just put on my headphones at work and only answer questions I have to. Go home and not really do much. Push everyone away who tries to help. Lose all creativity and abandon all my ideas during my healthy periods.
 
L

LouiseMN

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#17
I have depression and anxiety, and it’s hard to separate which is causing what feelings, but I’d say depression feels like being locked inside your mind and unable to really enjoy life and do the things you want to do. Sometimes it lifts a bit, and then I feel, “oh, this is what life should feel like!”, but unfortunately for me it’s chronic, so I’ve just gotten used to it. Medication helps - I don’t think I’d be functional without it.
Hi Victoriana, your depression sounds exactly like mine. It does seem to be chronic since my well spells are short, then back to depression. Are you depressed right now? I know when I am I feel like I have been always depressed and there is no hope of getting better.

Right now I am not depressed, it has been just 2.5 weeks. I am here now, and I am clear headed. I can definitely remember how I felt just 3 weeks ago hpwever. When I am depressed I can't imagine how it feels to be well.

Anyhow, I hope both of us get more and longer well spells. I have finally seen a psychotherapist and am reading a book about CBT. I don't think my marriage can stand another year like the past one. It started last May after returning from a 2 month vacation. I just need to be on vacation from my life more often. Boredom is my enemy.
 
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LouiseMN

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#18
Hi Victoriana, your depression sounds exactly like mine. It does seem to be chronic since my well spells are short, then back to depression. Are you depressed right now? I know when I am I feel like I have been always depressed and there is no hope of getting better.

Right now I am not depressed, it has been just 2.5 weeks. I am here now, and I am clear headed. I can definitely remember how I felt just 3 weeks ago hpwever. When I am depressed I can't imagine how it feels to be well.

Anyhow, I hope both of us get more and longer well spells. I have finally seen a psychotherapist and am reading a book about CBT. I don't think my marriage can stand another year like the past one. It started last May after returning from a 2 month vacation. I just need to be on vacation from my life more often. Boredom is my enemy.
P.s. I am only better now because I just got back from a Caribbean cruise 1.5 weeks ago. I wonder how long it will last.
 
Victorianna

Victorianna

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#19
Hi Victoriana, your depression sounds exactly like mine.
Hi, LouiseMN - I’m glad to hear you’re feeling well right now. That’s great! The time when you’re feeling better is the best time to do the work needed to stay that way, so it’s good that you’re doing therapy and CBT. I hope they help, and you stay in this good place.
Right now I’m doing ok. Recently, I stopped taking my antidepressants, thinking I was well, so who needs them? Me, apparently! Now they’ve finally built up in my system enough again so I can work on my anxiety problems, and I am.
It sounds like you go on vacations a lot - how fun! I’ve never been an a cruise, but it’s one of my goals - a riverboat cruise somewhere in Europe.
 
L

LouiseMN

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#20
I hate my name, MDD. Think I can change it? I want something pretty or cute.