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What does she mean by this/extremely impulsive now

T

TearyEyedx

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I asked my mom last night if she thought things would be better or worse if I wasn’t here anymore. Like I wasn’t born.
And she told me and this is her exact response “I don’t know.. then that could have triggered another series of events”
And I asked her how she would feel if I was to die, she then smiled because I think she was uncomfortable and said “yes I would be sad” I have autism but from what I do know, a loving person would be kinder.
I do not see a future for myself and when I told my mom how I truly felt again. She said that “you’re being selfish”
So obviously I don’t want to talk to her and I feel like crap and want to destroy everything in sight..

Is what she said a normal response? I’m used to being told I’m a waste of space and I don’t have anything to look forward to.. the only thing that makes me a little calmer is watching documentaries about death and it’s calming to me.
 
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I am so sorry your mum responded in this way. It is so hurtful. You are not selfish at all. I believe your mum is emotionally distant. She is unable to understand complex emotions and is very uncomfortable with them. Her way of coping seems to be to dismiss them and avoid them. I truly understand you wanting acceptance and love from your mum but I really do not think she will ever be able to give that to you. This is because she is emotionally unavailable. This is not your fault and you are never to blame for that.
 
AnxiousE

AnxiousE

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^bpd2020 said it. I hope you can find someone who will truly validate what you are feeling and fearing right now. And we are here for you too!
 
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Nukelavee

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And I asked her how she would feel if I was to die, she then smiled because I think she was uncomfortable and said “yes I would be sad” I have autism but from what I do know, a loving person would be kinder.
Do you think, having autism, that maybe you over estimate how people without autism must feel about things like that? I mean, that maybe you don't grasp how much people's emotions vary from the impression that you have?

I'm not saying how you feel is wrong, but you do understand that "normal" people often hide or filter how they truly feel, even from themselves, right?

I only say this because maybe it will help you deal with thing better, help you feel less hurt and unhappy.
 
C

Coolname

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Jun 3, 2019
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677
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UK
I asked my mom last night if she thought things would be better or worse if I wasn’t here anymore. Like I wasn’t born.
And she told me and this is her exact response “I don’t know.. then that could have triggered another series of events”
And I asked her how she would feel if I was to die, she then smiled because I think she was uncomfortable and said “yes I would be sad” I have autism but from what I do know, a loving person would be kinder.
I do not see a future for myself and when I told my mom how I truly felt again. She said that “you’re being selfish”
So obviously I don’t want to talk to her and I feel like crap and want to destroy everything in sight..

Is what she said a normal response? I’m used to being told I’m a waste of space and I don’t have anything to look forward to.. the only thing that makes me a little calmer is watching documentaries about death and it’s calming to me.
Hi

What you have described seem to be self-centred responses from your mum. On the other hand, it is impossible for us to know the wider context of your relationship. While I can't say that your mum's responses sound ideal, it is impossible for me to say that they indicate a lack of a loving nature.
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

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Is what she said a normal response? I’m used to being told I’m a waste of space and I don’t have anything to look forward to.. the only thing that makes me a little calmer is watching documentaries about death and it’s calming to me.
Firstly you are a amazing person, and we are fortunate to have you here on this forum :) When we have low self-esteem and not firing on all cylinders we are better off being surrounded by positive people who bring the best out in us. I think if it were me I wouldn't give someone the opportunity to bring negativity into my life, so I wouldn't invite someone to say something negative towards me by asking potentially harmful to my well-being questions. I think what might make a difference is thinking along the lines of how I could be beneficial/useful/add value to the people around me (keeping healthy boundaries for myself in the process though), and sharing a little love with those closest to me. Hope this helps :)
 
T

TearyEyedx

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Messages
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Location
United Kingdom
Do you think, having autism, that maybe you over estimate how people without autism must feel about things like that? I mean, that maybe you don't grasp how much people's emotions vary from the impression that you have?

I'm not saying how you feel is wrong, but you do understand that "normal" people often hide or filter how they truly feel, even from themselves, right?

I only say this because maybe it will help you deal with thing better, help you feel less hurt and unhappy.
yeah she hides what she’s feeling a lot. I don’t think she’s used to showing emotion and people crying around her maybe makes her uncomfortable. Not sure
 
N

Nukelavee

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London, ON
yeah she hides what she’s feeling a lot. I don’t think she’s used to showing emotion and people crying around her maybe makes her uncomfortable. Not sure
Yeah, non-autistic people aren't always good at emotional communication, either. Some people find it awkward to engage on a deep emotional level, even with family.

And many find it difficult interacting with people who have atypical psychology.
 
jajingna

jajingna

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Jul 31, 2020
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Some people find it awkward to engage on a deep emotional level, even with family.
Yeah, this is one reason we're not a little healthier and happier, I mean people in general. Imagine if most families/friends really talked about what they were going through, without the facades. It's silly pretending everything is fine just for social convenience.
 
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