• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

What does it feel like to be Normal?

R

ro19

Member
Joined
Jan 27, 2020
Messages
9
Location
Dublin
Hey,

I don't know if anybody will see this but I know I will get some peace from writing this.
Sometimes I wander what its like to be normal. To not have seasonal depression or extreem sadness. To be happy all the time. To not have anxiety.

It hurts me sometimes knowing this is shit that i cannot control and that sometimes I will be so happy but the littlest thing will trigger me and I'll go back to being extreemly sad.
It sickens me that I have so many people around me and family yet I feel like a burden/ alone.
Sometimes I feel like not being here because these thoughts get too much for me. I feel so alone.

I went from sitting in my room all by myself to the living room but yet i still feel the same. My mom is causing me emotional distress which i posted about earlier [sorry idk how this website works still] but basically she doesnt let me do anythig. I dont wanna be at a stage in my life where I feel i wasted my youth, not doing anything I wanted to do because I wasn't allowed to.

This is crushing me inside and my mother doesnt understand.

I simply cannot anymore.

I feel like I keep getting crushed down.

If you read this, I hope I'm not alone or maybe you have some kind words of advice.

xx
 
Ghost_Owl

Ghost_Owl

Well-known member
Joined
May 13, 2017
Messages
575
Location
U.K
Hey,

I don't know if anybody will see this but I know I will get some peace from writing this.
Sometimes I wander what its like to be normal. To not have seasonal depression or extreem sadness. To be happy all the time. To not have anxiety.

It hurts me sometimes knowing this is shit that i cannot control and that sometimes I will be so happy but the littlest thing will trigger me and I'll go back to being extreemly sad.
It sickens me that I have so many people around me and family yet I feel like a burden/ alone.
Sometimes I feel like not being here because these thoughts get too much for me. I feel so alone.

I went from sitting in my room all by myself to the living room but yet i still feel the same. My mom is causing me emotional distress which i posted about earlier [sorry idk how this website works still] but basically she doesnt let me do anythig. I dont wanna be at a stage in my life where I feel i wasted my youth, not doing anything I wanted to do because I wasn't allowed to.

This is crushing me inside and my mother doesnt understand.

I simply cannot anymore.

I feel like I keep getting crushed down.

If you read this, I hope I'm not alone or maybe you have some kind words of advice.

xx
There is no such thing as normal. Normal does not exist anywhere other than the dictionary. Only transitory states of existing are the true 'normal' and that encompasses everything so even abnormal is normal.

As nothing lasts as a constant for the living. Not health, not friends, not work, family, nothing. It is all in flux all the time. The seemingly normal people can be undone with a single atrocity suffered or a misfiring brain. Being perpetually happy would be a disorder in of itself. Funerals are not happy, being insulted is not a happy experience. Having no anxiety would also be a disorder. There are plenty of things to be afraid or cautious of that if you are not anxious to make you a fool liable to get yourself hurt or exploited.

What I think is important is to not aim for the impossible standard of happiness and being anxiety-free. But at least realistic contentment amidst the hard or banal things and recognise unhealthy anxiety. While trying to drill down to what is in your power to effect when it comes to your life? How much Is it a construct of your head? How much is environmental? What truly is out of your control?

Anything beyond realistic contentment and acceptance even that can change will likely leave you disappointed and at the mercy of chasing the magic fix like there is an ideal endpoint in life. I promise you there isn't, just another transitory change that leads into the next.

Some people suffer lots of stuff that can't be controlled. Is that entirely true in your case? I don't know your story so it leaves me with the question what have you done to try and secure control or better methods of coping? How are you strengthening yourself despite these difficulties? What nourishes you and are you feeding that? Do you even know what gives you nourishment?

Why do you feel a burden? Because you are ill? Would you tell a person with cancer they are a burden because they keep throwing up and it is annoying to tip their sick down the toilet? Probably not, try and be a bit kinder to yourself. Seems like you are trying hard in multiple areas, the opposite of being something on the bottom of a shoe.

Have you been told you are a burden? If yes, who said that and are they worth listening to? Was it said in anger? If so, even less worthy of listening too.

What do you feel you need to be less alone? What is missing for you? What don't your friends and family provide? As it seems you have them.

Your mother sounds controlling from what you have written. Seems singing is something that nourishes you. It is not trivial to have that denied for bizarre reasons and be upset over it. No wonder that hurts you and leaves you feeling smothered.

Why do you think she is so controlling? Is it coming from a loving but fearful place? If so you may have to explore what her fear is and if she is projecting that onto you? Instead of a head-on verbal conversation maybe you could leave her a note asking her to answer some questions in writing as to what she is afraid of if you are out beyond 8? It is hard to rage at paper or think paper is engaged in a tone. Might be worth a shot.

If it is something as vague as something bad may happen. Challenge that. Politely point out that if she drives she is more likely to be in a road accident, could she give up her car please and not use it even though everyone else does? Because it is the same stupid logic. No one is safe everyone is at risk of something outside of their control. All you can do is limit risks. You can demonstrate how you can limit risks but it seems like you tried that already by suggesting staying at a friends

Maybe in writing ask her what she got up to as a 19 year old? Did something bad happen? Might open up a different sort of conversation.

Do you contribute financially to your household? If not maybe you can attempt to do so and essentially buy greater rights to doing the things you want because you do contribute. If you are responsible enough to do that you should be responsible enough to go out.

If you are up against a brick wall though to nourish yourself you may have to think sideways. Look into a singing coach that comes to your home maybe? That way she can't argue you into a corner about risks.

If it all breaks down and she is afraid of you leaving home, you could point out that being smothered by her controlling everything is making that seem preferable. If you can't make any headway it might actually be. Because if you are living someone else's dream or ideal self you lose the ability to exist and nurture yourself. That seems like what is happening based on what you have written.

You deserve to live your own authentic life. Maybe communicating differently can open a solution. If not and being smothered has you considering hurting yourself. May be better to consider how to get out from beneath the yoke of your parent. You are not a child any more, old enough to kill people abroad and put a deposit down on rent. Things to consider maybe.

Just my badly worded thoughts hope that is vaguely helpful. Take care.
 
K

khuang

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 26, 2014
Messages
771
Location
Avenue Q in the US
I never knew what it felt like to be “normal” and I don’t think I want to either. I have Asperger’s disorder which wasn’t diagnosed until I was a senior in high school and up to then everyone thought the symptoms were me doing them on purpose and they tried to force me to act like everyone else in order to fit in which was a huge mistake because it made me become even more awkward and confused. I have noticed some people want “a cure” for autism and I find that offensive. I don’t want to be “cured” because I’ve adjusted to living with Asperger’s and being comfortable knowing that I have it. I never knew what it’s like not having Asperger’s. I like being different from the crowd and would rather be a unique individual rather than a carbon copy of a character from a 1950s sitcom where everything is perfect and delightful because everyone acts and thinks exactly the same way. I was never into the latest fashion trends and I just didn’t want to do whatever anyone else my age was doing because I had no interest in any of it. I just like being different from the crowd and I think that it should be okay to be that way.
 
R

ro19

Member
Joined
Jan 27, 2020
Messages
9
Location
Dublin
There is no such thing as normal. Normal does not exist anywhere other than the dictionary. Only transitory states of existing are the true 'normal' and that encompasses everything so even abnormal is normal.

As nothing lasts as a constant for the living. Not health, not friends, not work, family, nothing. It is all in flux all the time. The seemingly normal people can be undone with a single atrocity suffered or a misfiring brain. Being perpetually happy would be a disorder in of itself. Funerals are not happy, being insulted is not a happy experience. Having no anxiety would also be a disorder. There are plenty of things to be afraid or cautious of that if you are not anxious to make you a fool liable to get yourself hurt or exploited.

What I think is important is to not aim for the impossible standard of happiness and being anxiety-free. But at least realistic contentment amidst the hard or banal things and recognise unhealthy anxiety. While trying to drill down to what is in your power to effect when it comes to your life? How much Is it a construct of your head? How much is environmental? What truly is out of your control?

Anything beyond realistic contentment and acceptance even that can change will likely leave you disappointed and at the mercy of chasing the magic fix like there is an ideal endpoint in life. I promise you there isn't, just another transitory change that leads into the next.

Some people suffer lots of stuff that can't be controlled. Is that entirely true in your case? I don't know your story so it leaves me with the question what have you done to try and secure control or better methods of coping? How are you strengthening yourself despite these difficulties? What nourishes you and are you feeding that? Do you even know what gives you nourishment?

Why do you feel a burden? Because you are ill? Would you tell a person with cancer they are a burden because they keep throwing up and it is annoying to tip their sick down the toilet? Probably not, try and be a bit kinder to yourself. Seems like you are trying hard in multiple areas, the opposite of being something on the bottom of a shoe.

Have you been told you are a burden? If yes, who said that and are they worth listening to? Was it said in anger? If so, even less worthy of listening too.

What do you feel you need to be less alone? What is missing for you? What don't your friends and family provide? As it seems you have them.

Your mother sounds controlling from what you have written. Seems singing is something that nourishes you. It is not trivial to have that denied for bizarre reasons and be upset over it. No wonder that hurts you and leaves you feeling smothered.

Why do you think she is so controlling? Is it coming from a loving but fearful place? If so you may have to explore what her fear is and if she is projecting that onto you? Instead of a head-on verbal conversation maybe you could leave her a note asking her to answer some questions in writing as to what she is afraid of if you are out beyond 8? It is hard to rage at paper or think paper is engaged in a tone. Might be worth a shot.

If it is something as vague as something bad may happen. Challenge that. Politely point out that if she drives she is more likely to be in a road accident, could she give up her car please and not use it even though everyone else does? Because it is the same stupid logic. No one is safe everyone is at risk of something outside of their control. All you can do is limit risks. You can demonstrate how you can limit risks but it seems like you tried that already by suggesting staying at a friends

Maybe in writing ask her what she got up to as a 19 year old? Did something bad happen? Might open up a different sort of conversation.

Do you contribute financially to your household? If not maybe you can attempt to do so and essentially buy greater rights to doing the things you want because you do contribute. If you are responsible enough to do that you should be responsible enough to go out.

If you are up against a brick wall though to nourish yourself you may have to think sideways. Look into a singing coach that comes to your home maybe? That way she can't argue you into a corner about risks.

If it all breaks down and she is afraid of you leaving home, you could point out that being smothered by her controlling everything is making that seem preferable. If you can't make any headway it might actually be. Because if you are living someone else's dream or ideal self you lose the ability to exist and nurture yourself. That seems like what is happening based on what you have written.

You deserve to live your own authentic life. Maybe communicating differently can open a solution. If not and being smothered has you considering hurting yourself. May be better to consider how to get out from beneath the yoke of your parent. You are not a child any more, old enough to kill people abroad and put a deposit down on rent. Things to consider maybe.

Just my badly worded thoughts hope that is vaguely helpful. Take care.
Thank you do much for taking your time to reply and right this, it means so much <3
Yeah I've been told by several people that I am too hard on myself but sometimes, when i'm confident, I feel as if I don't deserve to be happy or confident so I bring myself down. I really need to start doing little things for myself and achieving little goals.

Right now I just feel like I cant control anything from my eating to my weight to my acne scars to people to a certain extent. I say people because there is a girl in my friend group who is toxic but I can't not be her friend because we have all the same friends and I wanna avoid conflict.

I would say this post came from me being in my feelings after a huge fight with my mom. As I am typing this I am literally arguing with her about how shes causing me emotional distress and she is not listening. She is saying five hundred things different to what I am saying to her. At this point maybe offing myself would make her understand what I am going through because explaining to her is of no use. I literally hate coming home. This used to be my happy place and now its not.

Anyway I wont bore you with my household problems but yeah I don't know where this is coming from. She is just being very controlling and territorial. If i say anything she sees it as rude.

Thank you so much for replying but its of no use me talking to her about anything. At this point I just wanna finish University and move out and work. I'm tired. She was not like this to me in semester one but now shes like this to me in semester 2, it makes no sense. I literally don't even wanna be around her. The happiest place for me right now is not my home but it is with my friends. I'm not saying i'm perfect but damn, it just amazes me that something as small as having freedom is driving a wedge between us. She can't see what she is doing. But soon enough I hope she realizes that she is ruining me with this. We have fought so many times this week and its not normal. I can't control it but it is what it is. Shes just so angry and she projects on me because I am angry the same way because we are alike in emotions. I don't even wanna look at her and my sis makes it worse.

At thus point I don't know what to do. Getting rent won't do shit or finding a place or moving out because that's not in the matter. I get she wants to be a strict parent but shes driving me away. She wants me to be like my sister but I am not the fake perfect daughter. She thinks my sister is perfect only because my sister tells me all the shit she does and not my mom. I just wanted to be honest with her but it seems like she likes lies. My sister had so many boyfriends and shit but my mom never knew, maybe now I'm going to keep my shit to myself and live the best life I can live with my time limits.


Thank you so much for your reply it means a lot. Writing things down on a piece of paper won't do anything. I just feel so out of place because I hate conflict. I guess I'm just going to distract from this. I never imagined I would fight with my mom like this but oh well..

Thank you again for replying me. Posting here makes me feel less shit about my current situation.
 
J

Jrchmn

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 17, 2018
Messages
53
If by normal you mean how you would be without being seasonal then keep a journal around March and unless you get a manic up phase of spring fever ( I used to in my 20s) it’ll give you a fair idea of what life would be like. If it would be hugely better there’s always the option to move closer to the equator.
When it comes to dealing with your mum bear in mind these things often run in families. Is she seasonal herself? Is she feeling trapped in her life or worried for you and trying to help? I’ve found that unless something needs changing and therefore discussing right now then it’s best to wait for spring. When I went away to uni my family saw me at Christmas and Easter but barely heard from me September to March. They’d always been worried that I’d become promiscuous or develop a problem with alcohol. It was difficult when my 2 siblings never met the same scrutiny despite frequently getting drunk etc. Families are strange like that.
One thing is inevitable you will gain more control over your life as you get older. Making the most of your youth can start with seizing control of the things which will make your family respect you more. Control your money, your life style and all within your grasp. It will reduce anxiety and make it easier to seize opportunities.
 
Thread starter Similar threads Forum Replies Date
Pambi Seasonal Affective Disorder Forum 2
Top