What do you think about this story?

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rheff

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one evening I went out with my wife and 2 children (from a previous marriage) for a drink in town. after a couple of drinks a young man appeared and plonked himself down next to my wife. no introductions were made and the 2 of them were immediately in a private conversation. I later found out that she was on nodding terms with the man as she had spoken to him in cafes where he worked. Suddenly they get up and start to walk away. my wife had her arm around his shoulder, cuddling him and kissing him on the face and neck in full view of us; I felt so humiliated in front of my kids. I ask where they were going and she replied “to the next bar”. When my daughter asked who the hell he was I quickly made up a story that he was a very good friend of hers. We immediately finished our drinks and followed them into the next bar but we couldn't see them anywhere. When they still don’t appear after a short while my son and I go looking for them. We scour the whole building separately, including the toilets and the local area. they are absolutely nowhere to be found. More time passes and still my wife does not return so we both repeat the search and again still they cannot be found. Eventually (maybe 2 hours later) she reappears from the upper levels of the bar on her own but instead of coming back to sit with us she sits on the step with a dog near the entrance and cannot even look in our direction. After being told by the bar staff to leave the dog alone she finally plucked up the courage to come over to us. At this point she is perfectly sober so I ask you where the hell she has been all this time. she replied that she was sitting at the top level of the bar with the young man’s family. I then told her about the 2 searches that we had undertaken and that she was definitely nowhere in the bar or the vicinity and therefore her explanation was an outright lie and presumably a cover story for something else. When confronted with this she changed her explanation and told me that she went back to the man’s home to meet his mother!!!! Although I am deeply suspicious, this is where the story temporarily ends. That is, until a few months later we hear a friend's story about the same man who has recently fleeced an expat girlfriend of hers and abruptly ended their relationship. We learn that he is a Romeo, a serial womaniser who has a reputation for preying on expats and taking them back to his home and sexually abusing them while promising all sorts of things in order to get at their money and control them; he then unceremoniously dumps the poor victim. our friend confirms to me that the man actually lives alone and not with his mother! then much later we have another argument about that night and she then tells me that she went off with him in retaliation for me apparently looking at a girl “with loving eyes”!!! Then the excuse changed yet again and that she had been drinking with him in the original bar where he turned up. this is also untrue because my son's 2 visits included going back to that bar. and when she finally did return that night she did so in a sober manner. then incredibly another excuse pops up – she didn’t go for a drink with him at all and that he must have followed her!! It is patently obvious to me that 4 of the 5 excuses are outright lies; that leaves the final excuse that she had gone back to his home; to me this was the only viable option and because this was admitted by her on the actual night it is the only excuse that can be believed and the only explanation that bears up to any scrutiny. The only problem is that he doesn’t live with his mother. finally, the other day, we once again discussed that evening's events and now she says that she cannot remember what happened! to me it illustrates a number of traits of a personality disorder especially as this is not the only occasion something like this has happened - she has disappeared and returned home several hours later with no believable explanation. so what do you think?
 
calypso

calypso

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I think a lot more is going on and blaming it on a personality disorder is not really accurate. I wonder if you two have trouble with your relationship before this? That young man certainly needs monitoring if he is like you have been told! I wonder if finding something like a marriage guidance therapy group/therapist might be a good idea. I don't know what Cyprus has to offer. But I think some serious talking needs to be done.
 
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rheff

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thanks for your reply. I used this story as an example because I had carefully documented it after a few previous odd disappearances, often involving a man and alcohol and with no explanations or a memory loss or excuses which I have proven to be lies. why the lies if it is all so innocent? in addition she has publicly humiliated me a number of times causing me a lot of pain and embarrassment. it is difficult to come to terms with something when met with 'I can't remember'. she was sexually abused in childhood by an uncle and never sought any therapy to get over it. so in desperation I scoured the internet for answers and sociopathy kept coming up. she ticks most of the boxes but I also recognise the dangers of self diagnosis. she agrees that her behaviour has been bad and that we should seek professional advice but our biggest hurdle is finding someone in Cyprus who specialises in personality disorders.
 
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Mary26

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Well here's what we do know--your wife left the bar with another man with her arms around him and kissing him. That's cheating. And she did it right in front of you and the kids which is making quite a statement. Where she went doesn't really matter.
 
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rheff

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thanks Mary, I suppose you're right, it really doesn't matter what happened after that
 
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Ramson mash

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rheff i think you need to cut this person out of your life. She has crossed the line for sure. It saddens me how you have been treated infront of your kids. And you should not have to live with someone who would do this.
My apologies if im out of order but i think its outrageous behaviour.
 
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rheff

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thanks for that and yes I realise that it would be sensible to cut and run rather than give her yet another chance but...………..
 
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