What do you say to your kids?

[Wynn]

Daughter (15), really upset the other night. Said that all her dad ever says to her these days is 'Have you done your homework' , and 'Can you go to bed soon, because I'm tired'. It's very true - he comes home late, watches TV or computer and wants to be in bed soon after, doesn't say much else to anyone. He is adamant that he is no longer depressed - I'm not sure if that's right, but don't want to go through that particular battle again. I will take him at his word.

Daughter knows that he has been depressed and understood that the depression caused him to act differently. I could explain that to her. Now though - if he is not depressed - what can I say to her? She misses her old, easygoing, relationship with her dad. He is missing out on developing his relationship with his daughter as she grows into an adult.

I don't think he feels that there is any problem, and would probably get angry at me if I tried to suggest anything was amiss. Daughter is also, I think, wary of upsetting him by mentioning anything. My son (12) sometimes gets very frustrated with him, (teenage years kicking in) and does say how he feels - that usually ends as a big argument between the two of them.

I fear that my partner is missing out on the enjoyment his kids could bring - they are both really good kids, and great fun to be around. And I'm very aware that their relationships with him are taking big knocks at the moment.
Like I said - just wish I knew what to say to them to perhaps lessen the damage a little??

 

[112inky]

Daughter (15), really upset the other night. Said that all her dad ever says to her these days is 'Have you done your homework' , and 'Can you go to bed soon, because I'm tired'. It's very true - he comes home late, watches TV or computer and wants to be in bed soon after, doesn't say much else to anyone. He is adamant that he is no longer depressed - I'm not sure if that's right, but don't want to go through that particular battle again. I will take him at his word.

Daughter knows that he has been depressed and understood that the depression caused him to act differently. I could explain that to her. Now though - if he is not depressed - what can I say to her? She misses her old, easygoing, relationship with her dad. He is missing out on developing his relationship with his daughter as she grows into an adult.

I don't think he feels that there is any problem, and would probably get angry at me if I tried to suggest anything was amiss. Daughter is also, I think, wary of upsetting him by mentioning anything. My son (12) sometimes gets very frustrated with him, (teenage years kicking in) and does say how he feels - that usually ends as a big argument between the two of them.

I fear that my partner is missing out on the enjoyment his kids could bring - they are both really good kids, and great fun to be around. And I'm very aware that their relationships with him are taking big knocks at the moment.
Like I said - just wish I knew what to say to them to perhaps lessen the damage a little??

Hi... why dont you start the conversation between the kids and their dad... plan out for a picnic... before day speak to your husband how his daughter feels and make him understand through your free caring words that you all miss him a lot ..... this will surely work out....

 

[Wynn]

Thanks for your concern - I wish that it was that easy, and that it would work out. It sounds like a great idea, and I am sure would work for many people. I know though that if I say anything about it, however gently put, then my partner will see it as a criticism and get very angry. Cue harsh words and bad atmosphere, and even more upset children.

 

[112inky]

Oops!!! that's bad!! then this wont work out!! don't worry dear!! i will surely think about this and even suggest you a another idea.. meanwhile console your kids friend!!!!

 

[maudikie]

wynne

You say your children know of your husband's depression, so that is a help. The whole country is going through difficult times at present, and I wonder if this is upsetting our husband? You must look after yourself and the chldren. Let them - and encourage them to have outside interests. Is there a young people's club anyw here nmear you where they could go for one or two evenings. Sometimes the Churches run clubs for the youngsters. Is there any sports club they could join? I think it would be good if they could get out and leave you and your husband to talkk things over. Is he on medication? Has he seen the doctor? If it helps to talk just join us on the forum and vent your feelings.

Best wishes.

 

[Lion Heart]

maybe plan a trip out to the theme park all together

then hopefully he will relize what he has got & maybe he will see the light to have more time for the kids

this is what made me relize what i should be doing more often