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What do you do when you’re in a relationship but your partner cannot accept your bpd and shames you for showing symptoms?

leekeen17382

leekeen17382

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I really do like my partner i just feel like i am being judged by him all the time and no matter how much i try to explain my bpd to him he just doesn’t get it? He also refuses to make steps to prevent my symptoms and says it is all my responsibility - is this true?
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

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I really do like my partner i just feel like i am being judged by him all the time and no matter how much i try to explain my bpd to him he just doesn’t get it? He also refuses to make steps to prevent my symptoms and says it is all my responsibility - is this true?
It sounds like he is presenting you with a non workable situation. It’s up to you to decide what to do.
 
N

Nukelavee

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He also refuses to make steps to prevent my symptoms and says it is all my responsibility - is this true?
It kind of is true. He shouldn't actively try to set you off, or provoke you, but it's not his role to cater to your moods, either.

A big part of dealing with BPD is learning self-control.
 
leekeen17382

leekeen17382

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It kind of is true. He shouldn't actively try to set you off, or provoke you, but it's not his role to cater to your moods, either.

A big part of dealing with BPD is learning self-control.
Thank you for your reply, i completely agree.
I make big efforts to hold in my feelings, even when i know i shouldn’t sometimes. But its difficult when these efforts aren’t recognised, or when he repeatedly says triggering things (like i’m a psycho) until i snap.

Being together in lockdown is making things more difficult too, but that is for everyone i am sure.
 
N

Nukelavee

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when he repeatedly says triggering things (like i’m a psycho) until i snap.
Yeah - doing the above is utterly toxic, and beyond your control. Ideally, we should be able to handle even that, but honestly, I feel people who provoke a reaction deserve what they get.

(Btw, I do have BPD, too).
ouldn’t sometimes. But its difficult when these efforts aren’t recognised,
Part of the self control thing is that, when you are successful, people aren't going to notice, because you've stayed calm. At the same time - people should be aware enough to notice when events that HAVE set you off in the past, no longer do. Or at least recognize meltdowns aren't nearly as common.
I make big efforts to hold in my feelings
Holding them in is somewhat better than simply exploding, but try to take it to the next level. Acknowledge or admit to being upset or hurt openly, without losing control.

I think I agree with JEss - your partner is being unfair in how he treats you.
 
K

karl7

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I really do like my partner i just feel like i am being judged by him all the time and no matter how much i try to explain my bpd to him he just doesn’t get it? He also refuses to make steps to prevent my symptoms and says it is all my responsibility - is this true?
you do say you really do like your partner, so id give him another chance.....BPD is not simple to understand for the layman
 
LittleMissNameless

LittleMissNameless

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Idk how helpful this is to your situation now but I've learned to explain symptoms rather than say "I have bpd" instead I tell people " I have an attachment disorder emotion dysregulation and lack impulse control' I feel theres less stigma to it if I explain what It means before saying the diagbosis
 
X

Xonnel

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I totally agree....if you're a psycho why is he with you.....I believe BPD sufferers are highly intelligent loving caring over sensitive *the list goes on) and people are attracted to these qualities but dont know how to manage and nurture them so feel the need to battle to weaken US to give themselves strength......WORK ON THE SELF Attract positivity 🤗🙏🤗
Sometimes I actually feel like I'm cured 🤣😂🤣😂
Then it happens again.....roll with the punches is all I can do....enjoy the good days and get some rest for when the rollercoaster begins coz it is exhausting....🙈
Take care 🤗
 
S

StillDepressed

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Any relationship has to have 2 way communication and EFFORT.
Any form of mental health is hard to understand for those who don't suffer from it so you should give him a chance but if "He also refuses to make steps to prevent my symptoms" then he is not even trying because he should try to help you even if he does not fully understand. Remember you will need support, if he won't provide it you two won't work.

He has to try to support you and even if doesn't understand should still try to help
You have to understand he won't get it right all the time
 
B

Bigfoot

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If you had any specific examples, it might help a lot in understanding the conflict.
 
L

Lostlady333

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I really do like my partner i just feel like i am being judged by him all the time and no matter how much i try to explain my bpd to him he just doesn’t get it? He also refuses to make steps to prevent my symptoms and says it is all my responsibility - is this true?
I’m sorry he is making you feel like this. A relationship is both partners accepting each other. It is hard but can he read up on bpd, join you in therapy (if you are in therapy) and acknowledge your struggles. You need to be in this together.
 
L

lemontree

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Marsha Linehan compares those us with BPD to emotional burn victims. If you were instead a burn victim and your boyfriend was acting the same not trying to prevent symptoms of pain and telling you that's solely your responsibility, would you really be okay with that? It's easy to dismiss mental or emotional pain and lay the blame on the person suffering, but it's important to remember that you were diagnosed for a reason and it's not something you can ignore. Just as you couldn't be expected to be able to do everything on your own for care and self help as a burn victim, he cannot expect that of you suffering from BPD. Some people are able to manage their emotions from BPD alone, but most only get there through the love and support of others in their lives.
 
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