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What do I suffer from?

Unknown Dude

Unknown Dude

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I've experienced a lot of difficult stages/traumatic events throughout my life and every bad event happens it leaves me even worse than ever. I lost joy in stuff that I used to enjoy doing like playing video games or going out with friends and whenever my friends tell me to go out with them I'm like: "I got stuff to do." I would be very energetic and in a split second I get severely depressed. I'd be like: "You guys are the best!" And suddenly I would cursse at them. I would piss everyone off at school (even my bestfriends) and make them hate me and when I get home I'd be like: "Why did I do this" and I'd text them saying sorry and I do them same thing the next day (this episode can last for weeks and happens every now and then and the period varies.) When I get back from school I lock my door and when it's lunch or dinner time I take the food and eat in my eat in my room. I don't talk much with people, I have few friends and I suffer from Social Anxiety. I noticed that when someone asks me something I would respond in a rude way that I didn't mean to and I'd hurt their feelings without even knowing (as if my brain is in a comma.) I've been experiencing a lot of racing thoughts and flashbacks of the worst stuff that happened to me and my failures which makes me over think and it gets me a splitting headache. I do stuff that I don't know the reason for doing it. I think I don't deserve to be happy or be better. When it gets the worst I start self harming. I have a different way of thinking than others so nobody understands me and I'll be left alone. Sometimes I lack feelings in a hard situation and sometimes I'd be very sensitive and fragile in silly ones. I get nervous when someone keep looking at me and I can't keep looking into someone's eyes too long. T first time I heard voices was a girl screaming as if she was beaide me. The second one was a girl crying and the third one was a man laughing.
 
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Unknown Dude

Unknown Dude

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Thanks Nikita for your reply and your warm welcome, I appreciate it :). And thanks for guiding me and thanks for the book titles I'll get them as soon as possible. I hope you are doing well and have a great day :)
 
calypso

calypso

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I need to make it clear, none of us can diagnose you on here, we don't know you and sometimes a person might only give some signs and not others. I think voices can happen in anxiety and other conditions, and can also just be one offs. Don't get hung up on that too much.

I think you might need help with all of this and going to your GP might be a first step. I would suggest you write a dairy, brief notes daily, and see if there is a pattern. With moods, its an idea to have a scale of 1-3 for having racing thoughts and over happy, and minus 1-3 for depression, from brief depressed thoughts, to severe depression. However, depression usually is a constant state over months, not sudden like this.

This all builds a picture for you of what is happening and will be helpful for any doc to see.

Can I ask, you mention school, are you using the term in an American sense of school for all secondary education, or are you British? I need to know to ask your age please.
 
Unknown Dude

Unknown Dude

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I'm 18 it's my last year so don't worry
 
calypso

calypso

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Good, take good care honey and don't worry about your voices too much, unless they are troubling a lot. Nikita is right, look into the Hearing Voices group (see above) as they can help.
 
Sid85

Sid85

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Hello.
I am new to the forum. I was reading your post and I can relate to a lot of the symptoms that you have. I cannot tell you what you have but I have Schizotypal Personality Disorder. My voices scream too. It can be really scary. I have feelings that I cannot explain or no feelings at all. I will get angry for no apparent reason. I go through periods of inner turmoil that I call Dark Phases and it kind of mimics depression. I have the racing thoughts. That can be scary because sometimes I don't know if it is my thinking or it is the voices talking. I do not prefer the company of other people. They make my voices angry, especially their eyes. I don't like the expectation in their eyes. I have terrible social anxiety. I have to leave social situations because I become afraid that someone is angry at me or that I said or thought something wrong and someone knows about it. I hope you are not a schizotypal. This is not easy to live with. I wish you the best. -Sid
 
Unknown Dude

Unknown Dude

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Yea it really makes me feel bad about myself. I can't really get peace of mind or explain my feelings to others, I tried a couple of times but they said that I am making it a big deal/exaggerating which makes me feel even worse. Disrupted feelings/emotions and thoughts can make you want to commit suicide (at least for me because I can't take it anymore). Plus those voices which makes me freak out when I hear them. I don't get myself into social situations at all except with the people who I already know and sometimes I evade them and that's when I know I am starting to feel paranoid.
 
Sid85

Sid85

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Hello.
I do not want to be pushy but have you ever heard of schizotypal forum? Schizotypal Forum
You might be able to find some support. I know that this is my first choice of support groups. I have similar symptoms and they have never called me a liar. I even struggled with suicidal thoughts. I think that it is worth looking into. I am not telling you what to do but this is the best that I can think of how I can help. You don't even have to be diagnosed to join. You can go there and not have to worry. Hang in there. -Sid
 
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Unknown Dude

Unknown Dude

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 26, 2014
Messages
68
Hello.
I do not want to be pushy but have you ever heard of schizotypal forum? Schizotypal Forum
You might be able to find some support. I know that this is my first choice of support groups. I have similar symptoms and they have never called me a liar. I even struggled with suicidal thoughts. I think that it is worth looking into. I am not telling you what to do but this is the best that I can think of how I can help. You don't even have to be diagnosed to join. You can go there and not have to worry. Hang in there. -Sid
You're not pushy att all Sid, you're offering help which I greatly appreciate :) thanks for guiding me. Hope you are doing well.
 
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