- Dec 26, 2014
I've experienced a lot of difficult stages/traumatic events throughout my life and every bad event happens it leaves me even worse than ever. I lost joy in stuff that I used to enjoy doing like playing video games or going out with friends and whenever my friends tell me to go out with them I'm like: "I got stuff to do." I would be very energetic and in a split second I get severely depressed. I'd be like: "You guys are the best!" And suddenly I would cursse at them. I would piss everyone off at school (even my bestfriends) and make them hate me and when I get home I'd be like: "Why did I do this" and I'd text them saying sorry and I do them same thing the next day (this episode can last for weeks and happens every now and then and the period varies.) When I get back from school I lock my door and when it's lunch or dinner time I take the food and eat in my eat in my room. I don't talk much with people, I have few friends and I suffer from Social Anxiety. I noticed that when someone asks me something I would respond in a rude way that I didn't mean to and I'd hurt their feelings without even knowing (as if my brain is in a comma.) I've been experiencing a lot of racing thoughts and flashbacks of the worst stuff that happened to me and my failures which makes me over think and it gets me a splitting headache. I do stuff that I don't know the reason for doing it. I think I don't deserve to be happy or be better. When it gets the worst I start self harming. I have a different way of thinking than others so nobody understands me and I'll be left alone. Sometimes I lack feelings in a hard situation and sometimes I'd be very sensitive and fragile in silly ones. I get nervous when someone keep looking at me and I can't keep looking into someone's eyes too long. T first time I heard voices was a girl screaming as if she was beaide me. The second one was a girl crying and the third one was a man laughing.
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