T
tdr
Guest
I'm 16 and I've loved this girl for over a year now. I've liked girls before and I know the difference between love and the "shallower" side of it. This is not just your typical like.
You may say a year is not enough, but that's relative. I've always been closed off to people, never had great social skills, bullied as a child etc. When I let someone in, it's for good.
We told each other everything. Every single little thing. She's feeling down, I'm there. We both trusted each other with our deepest secrets.
She has always had a boyfriend in tow, generally, a complete prick. She even says that she doesn't fully trust her boyfriends. However, she has one now and honestly, it looks like he's here to stay.
I also started to be depressed last year since there's nothing I can do about the situation. I can't tell her I love her since she would probably never speak to me again as of now, and I want her to be happy. I know it's typical thinking but I honestly feel as if she won't be as happy with me. I don't think anyone would. But on the other hand, I can't imagine living without her in my life. Both of these at the same time just tears me apart.
My close friends have been saying for a few months that I'm smiling less and less. I've lost interest in a lot of things like gaming, going out etc. Even in masturbation, I get the physical pleasure but honestly? I'm not feeling it. It used to make me so relaxed afterwards but if anything I feel worse now. If you want to mod this part out I don't mind lol.
Last night, I cried for the first time in 5 years. This is a pretty big issue for me since whatever happened in those 5 years (and a few big things did), I just couldn't cry. I felt it but not enough for any physical reaction.
Also, I've been having sleeping and digestion problems for the last few months, though the digestion problems have probably just been exaggerated by the fact I had hirchsprung's disease.
What can I do? Is there anything? I have thought about suicide but whenever I've felt any kind of self harm coming along, I've just bottled it up completely until the feeling past... I am not going to be doing any of that anytime soon.
Oh and maybe I should mention I've been having dreams of her... not wet dreams. Getting married, just sitting with her and stuff like that... I know exactly what my mind's trying to tell me in these but I have no idea how to get to this :\
Thanks.
You may say a year is not enough, but that's relative. I've always been closed off to people, never had great social skills, bullied as a child etc. When I let someone in, it's for good.
We told each other everything. Every single little thing. She's feeling down, I'm there. We both trusted each other with our deepest secrets.
She has always had a boyfriend in tow, generally, a complete prick. She even says that she doesn't fully trust her boyfriends. However, she has one now and honestly, it looks like he's here to stay.
I also started to be depressed last year since there's nothing I can do about the situation. I can't tell her I love her since she would probably never speak to me again as of now, and I want her to be happy. I know it's typical thinking but I honestly feel as if she won't be as happy with me. I don't think anyone would. But on the other hand, I can't imagine living without her in my life. Both of these at the same time just tears me apart.
My close friends have been saying for a few months that I'm smiling less and less. I've lost interest in a lot of things like gaming, going out etc. Even in masturbation, I get the physical pleasure but honestly? I'm not feeling it. It used to make me so relaxed afterwards but if anything I feel worse now. If you want to mod this part out I don't mind lol.
Last night, I cried for the first time in 5 years. This is a pretty big issue for me since whatever happened in those 5 years (and a few big things did), I just couldn't cry. I felt it but not enough for any physical reaction.
Also, I've been having sleeping and digestion problems for the last few months, though the digestion problems have probably just been exaggerated by the fact I had hirchsprung's disease.
What can I do? Is there anything? I have thought about suicide but whenever I've felt any kind of self harm coming along, I've just bottled it up completely until the feeling past... I am not going to be doing any of that anytime soon.
Oh and maybe I should mention I've been having dreams of her... not wet dreams. Getting married, just sitting with her and stuff like that... I know exactly what my mind's trying to tell me in these but I have no idea how to get to this :\
Thanks.
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