What do I do?

[tdr]

I'm 16 and I've loved this girl for over a year now. I've liked girls before and I know the difference between love and the "shallower" side of it. This is not just your typical like.
You may say a year is not enough, but that's relative. I've always been closed off to people, never had great social skills, bullied as a child etc. When I let someone in, it's for good.
We told each other everything. Every single little thing. She's feeling down, I'm there. We both trusted each other with our deepest secrets.
She has always had a boyfriend in tow, generally, a complete prick. She even says that she doesn't fully trust her boyfriends. However, she has one now and honestly, it looks like he's here to stay.
I also started to be depressed last year since there's nothing I can do about the situation. I can't tell her I love her since she would probably never speak to me again as of now, and I want her to be happy. I know it's typical thinking but I honestly feel as if she won't be as happy with me. I don't think anyone would. But on the other hand, I can't imagine living without her in my life. Both of these at the same time just tears me apart.

My close friends have been saying for a few months that I'm smiling less and less. I've lost interest in a lot of things like gaming, going out etc. Even in masturbation, I get the physical pleasure but honestly? I'm not feeling it. It used to make me so relaxed afterwards but if anything I feel worse now. If you want to mod this part out I don't mind lol.

Last night, I cried for the first time in 5 years. This is a pretty big issue for me since whatever happened in those 5 years (and a few big things did), I just couldn't cry. I felt it but not enough for any physical reaction.

Also, I've been having sleeping and digestion problems for the last few months, though the digestion problems have probably just been exaggerated by the fact I had hirchsprung's disease.

What can I do? Is there anything? I have thought about suicide but whenever I've felt any kind of self harm coming along, I've just bottled it up completely until the feeling past... I am not going to be doing any of that anytime soon.

Oh and maybe I should mention I've been having dreams of her... not wet dreams. Getting married, just sitting with her and stuff like that... I know exactly what my mind's trying to tell me in these but I have no idea how to get to this :\

Thanks.

 

[missymoo]

Been there, done that! I totally understand your situation, I have been in it for the past 6 years or so with my best friend/mate, in my case, she finally left her boyfriend, however she is still not my other half unfortunately I think to her I am just a friend and I doubt she would ever be in-love with me, but I still tell her how I feel because I dont want to ever regret having not told her how I feel. I dont put any strings on my feelings for her because just like you said "I couldnt imagine living without her in my life" so I try to take what I can get and privately/secretly I do my crying and wishing and praying and fighting, with the thoughts of wanting to be in her presence every moment of every day.

my advice to you is that you should tell her honestly and completely how you feel, and also that her happiness is very important to you and well lets face it.....we are all a slave to fate, so there isnt much more you can do, except to wish and hope and pray and whatever else might make who you love - love you back.

I feel for you I really do, because I fight with my situation every minute of EVERY day and it never gets any easier (in fact, I love her more every day).

I would hope that if someone was supposed to be with me, that they would tell me they were in-love with me on their own. therefore, regardless of my feelings for her, I have to try desperately to not limit myself to only the option of being with her someday (which is probably the hardest most painful thing I have ever done).....why? because she is not in-love with me and it may never happen and I just dont want to be without "the one" for me. I have spent too long without her, so I will seek out my soulmate until she finds me - no matter how long it takes or where it takes me.

I truly hope that you will "live happily ever after" with the person that you love, and I hope the same for myself.

*HUGS* and best wishes to you

 

[jckson]

I am 24 and falling love with 40.How all the things was done that time i can not understand.nowadays i really need her for some time in case of discussion or other point of view but she told me all was our past and i do not keep with my past.what type she is?i can not understand any thing and suffering for her.not able to forget.

 

[Greysunday]

The pain of unrequited love can be unbearable, even now it causes great melancholy to even mull it through my minds eye, some 23 years after the event. I have little in the way of an answer

 

[thegreatesthumphrey]

Hello,

Love a person cannot control.... whether it be loving someone to begin with or trying to love someone. It cannot be forced or just forgotten. I agree with a previous post you should tell her, but make sure you don't make it "weird". At both of your ages people don't know how to handle certain situation the best way, so you might not be able to be friends if you make her feel uncomfortable. The best way to handle situations comes from experience and time. What I reccomend is for you to make sure you two are together alone in a friendly fun atmosphere. Take some time doing friendly things like talking or playing a game first, dont just say "I need to talk to you" then pull her aside and say it. Once you guys have spent some time together then say it. Also, don't come out and say "I love you", because those can be uncomfortable words and might cause her to panic. You should say more or less, " I have feelings for you, but I dont want to hurt our friendship"... something along those lines. Remember!!!! Do not hesitate in your expression.... ease her into it, say it, explain some. DO NOT WAIT FOR A RESPONSE!!! then slowly ease out of the conversation to something less serious. If you wait for a response then you will be putting her on the spot which will definitely make her uncomfortable. HERES THE KEY: If she feels the same way, she will interrupt you and give her own opinion. Don't just expect it from her. If you don't get a response at that moment that doesn't mean that she definitely doesn't feel the same way, she may bring it up to you a couple days later after she has had time to think about what she is going to say JUST LIKE YOU HAD. So, dont stress. Another option you can have is to not say this to her right away, but immediately cut down your contact (on the phone, in person, etc.) by 75%, but not completely... find other friends that are girls or something, but don't cut it off completely. Then after sometime... maybe a couple weeks, then say it to her. The man I'm with now tried for almost a year to get me, but I was absolutely not having it. He was 5 years younger than me (18 and Im 23) so we remaind friedns.... and it wasnt until I left for one week on vacation that I realized I couldnt stop thinking about him and couldnt wait to come home to see him, that I loved him too. So she might realize how much she actually wants you there with her if you are not. Then you could say that too her. If ultimate outcome is that she doesnt want to be with you, maintain your friendship BUT NOT TRYING TOO HARD! and learn patience. I know its hard at your age... I HAVE BEEN THERE! But if you want her that bad you are going to have to suffer a little for it. Women and men both change drastically in every area of their life, personality, and wants so just because you guys are not together now, dosent mean you wont be in three or four years from now. Try to meditate some, and think about things (not just this) in a quiet calm manner. It will give you some strength. and dont hurt yourself because you may never be with her, and even though it is VERY hard to believe, it is not the end of the world. You just have to find your own way to overcome it, everyone is different. If you would like some more info go ahead and repost to this.

Kim