What do I do?

J

Joseph_clucky

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Joined
Mar 6, 2013
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22
#1
I have just slept for 14 hours after not sleeping much for a week.
I had a traumatic day yesterday.
Went to my doctor as I was feeling out of control. They said they were contacting the crisis team to talk to me. Then they said they'd rang social services about my 5 children.
I left the doctors with 3 of my children and went to the train station. I decided that I was going to get on the first train and get off at the fourth stop as I like the number four.
I missed the train by 30 seconds and the next one took me to where my mum lives.
Cue the panic for the safety of the children. I was found by the police and social services. I was at my mums house and I'm not allowed to be alone with the kids understandably. I'm still waiting on help from crisis. Once the children were deemed as being looked after properly no one cares how I'm doing.
I left the children with relatives and now I'm at home alone.
I'm not ready to be a mum again yet and I'm trying to figure out a plan. I have looked for flights out of the country but I have no money. I can't commit suicide as I haven't made a will yet.
I am sat here trying to make a plan.
I go to the doctors for help and don't get any. I think I'm bipolar but no one is listening. I now have no children, no medication and no clue how I'm going to get any help
 
calypso

calypso

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#2
Hiya honey, for anyone else tuning in, despite the name this is a lady.

You are in crisis, and I don't know where you are in the country, but can you ring the Crisis Team yourself? You are clearly in a very vulnerable state and need that help quickly. I can only say I am full of repect that you managed to get help for the kids and put them first. That makes you a brilliant mum.

Can you ring your mother and ask her to get help for you? They probably will turn up but they are dragging their heels at the moment. Don't commit suicide. I know it is all dark and lonely, but your lovely 5 children need you even more than ever, so you need to get better for them.

If you need to get help urgently, and no-one turns up, then go to A&E in a taxi and ask for help there. As soon as they make a few enquiries they will see you need urgent help. I don't know if its possible for you, but can you print off a copy of what you have written here and take it with you? It clearly explains what is going on.

Keep writing and we will try to support you. You are not alone. xxx
 
J

Joseph_clucky

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Mar 6, 2013
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#3
I asked for help yesterday and caused panic. I obviously don't deserve help, and as long as my children are ok then that's ok with me.
I have managed to get out of bed and eat something, I'm back in bed as I feel safe here but I know it can't last and my thoughts won't leave me alone either
 
calypso

calypso

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#4
Did they not tell you how they were going to help you? I know you just want to hide in bed - I do that at times. But can you not ring up and scream for help? I am truly shocked that they see you as ill enough for the kids to be in care, but not enough to help you.

Fight your way through, and its is SO wrong that when we are at our most vulnerable we have to fight for help. I know you don't want to do anything, but can you ring the out of hours docs and ask for help? Please honey, don't panic and lets plan a way out of this.
 
Wiseowl

Wiseowl

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Mar 13, 2011
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#5
Hi I agree with Calypso

It's not easy to access help but that's what you need right now. As Cal said try the out of hours GP or get a family member to take you to A&E.

It might be worth asking someone you know to contact MIND or Citizens Advice to get you some advocacy (someone to help fight your corner).

You do deserve help. :hug1:
 
messymoo

messymoo

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#6
You really deserve to be getting help it is hard trying to access it yourself but you need too. Try what the others suggested you have nothing to lose and hopefully you will get the help you need so desperately. :hug:
Messy x
 
J

Joseph_clucky

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Mar 6, 2013
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#7
I have found a phone number for a local crisis team. I haven't called as I'm feeling really calm but I'm also frightened. I must have put my deep fat fryer on, don't remember doing it but it must have been on for many hours as I have been in bed a lot. I could smell something funny but didn't think anything of it. How can I look after my children when I can barely look after myself. I don't want to put them at risk.
I went out on my bike and visited one of my kids. Didn't really speak to him but I needed to see him just to tell him I love him. Even at nine he knows I'm not myself.
 
J

Joseph_clucky

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Mar 6, 2013
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#8
My hospital MH ward rang today. They apologised for not ringing me on Friday. I have to go in for an assessment in an hour. I really appreciate your help getting me to this point x
 
C

Callalily

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#9
I am really pleased they rang you, you seem to be in a very dark place right now. I am pleased the children are safe, that means now you can focus on getting yourself sorted and accepting help to be able to do so, there is no shame. You deserve to feel better than you are right now.

I hope the assessment goes well.
 
J

Joseph_clucky

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Mar 6, 2013
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#10
I'm suffering from the RENOUND effect from stopping my tablets. Makes sense but doesn't explain why the tablets don't control my mood swings so still no clearer
 
M

mildmind

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Mar 11, 2013
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#12
What is your traumatic?What make you have this feel?Maybe you need a trip!
 
J

Joseph_clucky

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Mar 6, 2013
Messages
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#13
Think I have been triggered by going in a plane for the first time. Had really bad panic attacks. Then my boyfriend emigrated. I was close to booking a flight to anywhere just to escape. I had a passport but no money so I stayed in bed x