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what disorder is my wife suffering from?

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free_sprit_12

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Oct 15, 2008
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3
From all outward appearances she acts just like everyone else but she is a control freak behind closed doors. This is part of the problem but at least I know what to call that, I don't know what to do about it, but it has a name. The thing I don't understand is the way she acts around her family and their friends. She has children from a previous marriage all grown, we have no children together.
Over the years (20) these are some of the things I have observed;
One evening we were sitting at home alone and she was wearing pantyhose and one of my flannel shirts, buttoned from top to bottom, for whatever reason she thinks that is sexy. A shirt of mine on her comes down to her knees, considerably longer then the skirts she normally would wear. A friend of mine came over and came in the house while she was sitting on the couch. She never got off the couch with him there. After he left she got up and said "I thought he would never leave, I have to go to the bathroom". I thought it was strange because she was more covered then if she would have been wearing one of her skirts.:confused:
When we were getting ready to go out for the evening she would sit at the kitchen table and put on her make-up and do her hair while wearing only pantyhose and a blouse. She had no problem with standing up and walking all over the house dressed this way while her daughter and boyfriend (17 at the time), and her son and his friends (15 at he time) ran in and out of the house. Her blouse just about covers her posterior when she stands and she never wears panties under the pantyhose. I'm not trying to make this sound sexy it is just the way it happened. I think she has a major problem and don't know what to make of it.
She was visiting her sister, who lives about 200 miles from us, and I was supposed to go there Friday after I got off work. When I arrived her sister and brother-in-law were not home and she was sitting at the kitchen table doing her hair and make-up, talking to her two nephews who were late twentys early thirtys at the time, wearing pantyhose and a sweatshirt that only came down to her waist. She had no problem walking all over the house in front of them dressed that way. Again no panties under the pantyhose.
The latest episode was about a year ago with her grandson. She was wearing a bathrobe and talking to her grandson and his wife when her bathrobe fell open exposing a breast and she made no attempt to close it.
I don't understand how somebody can do those things in front of their family and the friends of their family. Does she think those people are the only people worthy enough to see her like that? What line of reasoning does she use to justify her actions? What is the attraction with her family? Or is it an obsession? You would think that if she did that in front of those people she wouldn't hesitate to do the same thing in front of anybody. But that isn't the case, around other people she is very conservative. I don't know if her parents were like that around family or not. I know my parents weren't like that. Maybe things like that go on in other families, I just don't know about it. I think it is totally out of line and can't understand it. Maybe it's just me but it has gotten to the point that I don't want anything to do with her or her family.
You may read this and think it's a joke or that this is a fantasy of mine or a delusion but unfortunately, it is not, as weird as it sounds it is real. If you use the analogy that underwear covers as much as a bathing suit does, that will not work, a bathing suit covers more then pantyhose without panties under them.
I'm starting to think I need to talk to a psychologist just to straighten me out. Any help to understanding this issue would be genuinely appreciated.
 
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mikebrowne

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Sep 11, 2008
Messages
29
Have you asked your wife why she goes on with this behaviour? Perhaps she doesnt even know herself.
Maybe she is looking for reaction from people.
As regards your friend coming around and she not moving off the couch til he left, she mentioned she was glad he was gone cos she had to go to the toilet, perhaps inside her she feels embarrassed about anyone, especially another man, thinking of her going to the toilet.
For men, going to the toilet is something they just sort of get on with, but for women there is a different process.
We all do things for different reasons. Why do some people dress provocatively while other dress like puritans? Who knows.
It would be sad if you couldnt confront your wife about why she does this in front of people. Do you think people get embarrassed because you wife dresses and behaves as she does or do they just accept her as she is?
Some families accept nudity among themselves and outside that circle it would be considered odd.
Does your wife have a great body or is her body so grotesque that she should keep it covered up?
Why not ask her to explain herself?
As for her wearing your shirt, all I can say is this, sometimes on movies you see women who put on their lovers shirt and they are bare underneath. The image in the movie i think, is to portray sexiness while being dressed very simply. Perhaps your wife feels sexy dressed like this, or perhaps she wants to feel sexy or would like a response from you that is sexual.
So who knows why she acts this way.
Incidentally, hope you dont mind me asking but how do you dress?
 
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free_sprit_12

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Oct 15, 2008
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I have never asked her why she does it or even mentioned it to her, like I said , she is a control freak and it would lead to an argument that would go on for days. And I wouldn't know any more at the end then I did before I ask.
Who would she be looking for a reaction from? Her relatives? Her brother-in-laws? Son-in-laws? Maybe me so she can start an argument?
If my shirt on her was as short as one of her blouses it would be sexy, but there not.
She has no problem going to the toilet with people at the house when she is dressed normally.
I have never seen her sisters, daughters, or any other relation of hers dressed that way with me around. She has a nice body but even at that I don't see were that behavior would be appropriate. If that behavior is the accepted norm in her family they would all do it and they don't.
I dress like everybody else fully clothed at all times when other people are around. If you were to show up at my house unexpectedly you might catch me in a bathrobe but only long enough for me to tell you to fix yourself a cup of coffee then I would get dressed. If these people were nudists I could understand it but their not, she is the only one in the family that does this. That is why I think she has a major mental problem.
 
ms_P

ms_P

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Without communication, there can be no understanding. I can't believe you haven't spoken with your wife about your observations and how you're interpretting them, just because you fear an argument (?).

btw...no one here is qualified to diagnose anyone else.
 
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mikebrowne

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Sep 11, 2008
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I agree with ms p.
I think you are in a horrible situation. You sound very unhappy and miserable.
Surely, if you are on the verge of leaving your wife would it matter if you have an arguement? In fact, it might make you feel better to actually ask or say to her "why do you dress like that?" Why, why why??? You will never know if you dont ask and even if you dont get an answer at least you can ask and then close the door on the life you are living.
I feel very sad for you. Perhaps she has personality disorder. I am not condemning you in anyway and please dont think I was or am.
But, I think you are a very great man to have put up with this behaviour for all those years. However, I think the fact you are on this site may indicate that you yourself, are reching a breaking point.
Do any of her family say anything to you about her behaviour or in fact do you say anything to them about it? Or is it like some sort of unspoken sickeness that nobody will confront? How about friends, do they say anything? We have a programme on tv over here in England and it is called Little Britain and there is a sketch on it every week where this family, husband, wife and grown son go to visit people or go to a restaurant. The grown son always tells his mother he wants a drink and she goes "no, not now" and he starts acting like a baby going "bitty, bitty" then she gives in and she starts to breast feed him. Bearing in mind that the guy who is acting as a baby is like in his twenties or thirties. While on the surface it is funny to watch or comtemplate in reality it is in fact a situation of odd behaviour going on within a family situation.
 
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free_sprit_12

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Oct 15, 2008
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mikebrown
I'm glad you responded to my inquiry, I hadn't thought about the other people involved in this situation, and what they may be thinking or how they are dealing with it. I know that no one has spoken about it in my presents. So I guess it is an unspoken sickness that everyone ignores at least openly. Her/our friends have never seen her do this and if I were to try to discuss it with one of them they would probably think I had lost my mind. I don't know what her son's friends, her grandson's wife, her daughters boy friend, or her sister, brother-in-law and nephews have said about it. They are the type of people that would never admit that someone in their family has an emotional problem. I just recently discovered that she didn't get along with any of the people that she used to work with. Not just one or two of them but didn't get along with any of them.
I did make the mistake of asking why she has been doing these things. Big mistake ------ really big. She flew into a rage. Now I'm crazy, I don't know what I'm talking about, I'm trying to cause problems with her family, I need psychological help, I need to be locked up, and a whole lot of things I won't repeat here. I didn't know she knew some of those words, I don't even use them. Any way, long story short,now we are getting a divorce and I am public enemy number one, as far as her and her family are concerned. She can throw all the fits she wants but I know what I saw and I know what the truth is. After thinking it over I do believe a divorce is the best answer.
Thank you for your input and concern. I still don't know what her problem is but I won't have to deal with it any longer. And that helps.
 
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mikebrowne

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Sep 11, 2008
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I think she has some sort of personality disorder. However, I am glad for you that you have decided to divorce. While I dont go around advocating divorce I think there are instances when it is definitely the answer.
No, it isnt your problem. I hope you have a happy life.
Take care.
:grouphug:
 
spiritual_emergency

spiritual_emergency

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Oct 15, 2008
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freespirit: Any way, long story short,now we are getting a divorce and I am public enemy number one, as far as her and her family are concerned.

Sometimes a couple has a blow-up fight and one of them will decide the solution is a divorce. Sometimes they get that divorce but far more frequently, they patch things up and go on.

It sounds as if there have been a number of unresolved issues within the marriage for quite some time. My question to you would be, do you want a divorce?

If the answer is yes, it only requires that you continue along the path you and your wife have determined for yourselves.

If the answer is no, it requires that you do something different. Couples counselling might be an option for you to consider during which all of your concerns could be addressed -- everything from the controlling behavior to the "slips in modesty" to possibly, communication styles.


.
 
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mikebrowne

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Sep 11, 2008
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Yes I agree with you but I wonder what the counsellor will think if the wife turns up just wearing a blouse and pair of tights:confused::confused::confused:
 
S

Sall1

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May 6, 2008
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Hi there,

Whe I read your first entry, my immediate thought was not necessarily that of mental ill health but possibly one of a possible physical illness to be considered here. Sometimes people can have some form of subtle acquired brain injury i.e. a very mild stroke etc that can go undetected for years. If this affects a certain area of the brain then sometimes people can be left with beaving oddly, could have impulse control problems, could display a bizzare and innappropriate sense of promiscuity etc.

Don't get me wrong, i'm not diagnosing here (not qualified to), only a Dr can do this but it could be another avenue to explore or even consider. Oh i'm also not suggesting that your OH has had a stroke, what I am suggesting is that there legitimately could be a physical/organic cause behind some behaviours such as those being presented. Look out for any subtle changes in amongst to blatent.

Good Luck

Sall
 
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