what could be wrong with him?

[annab]

ok, i'll start off by saying i don't expect an online diagnosis but i need to get some idea of what's happening to my boyfriend.

we got together a year ago under strained circumstances - he left his girlfriend for me and hence almost his whole life changed. he moved a hundred miles or so to be with her 6 years ago and so all his friends were her friends. she also provided most of the financial support in his life.

for the vast majority of the time, he seems happy and functioning. we're very much in love, he doesn't seem withdrawn, he's not manic and he goes to work and uni. but every few weeks/months he goes into what i call one of his moods. he's a completely different person when this happens. it lasts for a few days at the most. the first most noticeable symptom would be his rage. i've never seen someone so angry. he loses all compassion and rationality, and says the most hurtful things to me. he's never really got physical apart from when i've hit him for saying incredibly hurtful things (which of course. i'm ashamed of). most of the time, he tells me he doesn't love me but without sounding like too much of a sap, i know he does.
it's as though when he has these episodes, the feelings he has at the time are very real to him but when he comes out of it, he's back to normal and back to his normal feelings. i have mentioned this to him and he says this makes sense.

he also won't look at me when he's in a mood. he stares straight ahead and won't talk to me. i should know by now that there's no point in trying to reason with him when he's like this but stupidly, i still try.

the last time this happened, it was over within the space of a day. he always says he wants to be on his own but when i went to see him, we had a blazing row which culminated in him breaking down crying and telling me he feels useless and everything feels pointless. and as usual, he's always very apologetic for the things he has said to me. after this last incident, he went to the docs. i told him to make sure he explains what happens to him in as much detail as possible and i must say, i did tell him not to let the docs fob him off with ADs. anyway he came back with citalopram.

he's been taking them for around a month now and has just had another episode, as big and as bad as any of them before it. we're both aware that this is destroying our relationship and cannot possibly go on. i've suffered with depression myself but it never manifested itself in anywhere near the same way as him, which makes me wonder is it really depression?

i could go on with more detail but i think this post is already a bit on the big side.

 

[Ainsworth]

depression effects people in different ways and he has only been on the A-ds for a month, what dose is he on?

that drug may not be the one for him, ive been on 3 or 4 (cant remember) plus many other drugs.

is he having any other type of treatment? like counselling? A-ds are really not the cure, as something has happened to make him feel this way and maybe he needs to explore those feelings in the correct eviroment.

goodluck with the relationship

 

[annab]

i appreciate that not everybody has the same experience of depression. i suppose it's as though he's low on the bi-polar spectrum but as i say he doesn't seem to be manic enough for that. sometimes i wonder if he has schizophrenia as his rages are so bad (i call him mr hyde) but again he doesn't seem to have enough of the symptoms.
as i said, when he's not having an episode, he's completely normal. you wouldn't think there were any mental health issues.

i have to mention that he smokes weed. i was reluctant to mention this but naturally, i think it plays a part (oh and he's in his early thirties).

when he was a teenager, he quite grusomely killed a cat. i'm the only person he's told this to since he has lived here. he claims it doesn't have any effect on him today but i find that difficult to believe. he was wary of telling me as he's read all the stories about serial killers murdering and torturing animals as kids. i don't believe he's anywhere near capable of that but it does concern me that he did this at an age where he should have seriously known better. he says he just wanted to see what it was like to watch something die. i'm morbidly curious aswell but in what i consider to be a healthy normal way! and although i appreciate this happened around 20 years ago, he shows almost no remorse to this day for what he did.

 

[Ainsworth]

ok looking for symptoms never gets you anywhere, i fall into most of them, was given BP and AD, now its AD and PD but lacking help from p-doc and fighting to see the CPN again, put back on meds (again) counselling (again again again)

weed could be a problem, is he using it every day? or does he use it as a coping drug for how he feels?

was his childhood ok?

i think he should go back to the doctors and ask for therapy treatment.

the rage he has doesnt make him schizophrenic, we can all have rage, myself included which can lead to the red mist decending and i lose all sense of reality, the emotions in MI are all over the place and hard to control.

 

[iffybob]

Ok .....

First if he is smoking 'grass' weed he 'needs' to change to resin, or better still stop, he just does.

2nd, keep a diet diary, is he eating somthing that is having an effect on him, as an example, red food dye makes me manic, if I eat more than a little it is like having loads of strong coffee, with a load of sugar with it.....

3rd - he needs to see a psychologyst, and talk this through.

I dont think you are going to be able to help him, or he himself alone....

. take care ........ boB ........

 

[TOONAFISH]

Hiya, i have just read your post and you could have been describing me, before i started on my lithium.

I used to go in these terrible rages and my partner said i was like a different person, i would be such a bitch and say terrible things about him and his family, my kids sometimes got it, i would go crazy and nothing would calm me down. i have to say that i never mentioned this too the p doc as i was too embarrassed. i was having symptoms of depression at the time and was on tablets for that. it wasnt until i mentioned some of my mood swings that they put me on a mood stabiliser carbomazapine which was later changed to lithium. it has helped me a great deal. i can still get angry but in the last 7 months it ihas happened twice and both times i was able to take myself away from the situation. i was quite a bitch that last time and it is always the feeling of guilt that i hate.

i think your boyfriend will be suffering from depression. i def think he should give up the weed. i stopped taking all drugs 6 years ago and i think it does def help.

counselling might help too. not sure about the cat thing though,??